Another Part Of The Story - My Daughter Emotionally Manipulated Me

[Josh77]

I've been on the other side

Not too long later, the therapist came out and called me back to her office. She told me she wanted the gun out of the house. I didn’t understand what she was saying and she said it again. She told me my daughter had told her she knew about the old shotgun in the back of our closet and had thoughts of using it on herself. I remember feeling my whole body go cold. What I thought was over was back even worse. All of that fear and feeling helpless came back.

Marlene,
I've been in your daughter's situation when I was a teenager. I, too, had my therapist tell my father to get rid of all of the shotguns in the house for i was going to use one to kill myself... i also went through the whole cutting phase. With years of therapy and support from my mom and dad, i gave up on cutting myself and learned how to cope with life without cutting myself, but now i have horrible scars from cutting and burning my arms with lit cigarettes and horrible tattoos (which are part of the cutting)... for me the physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional pain, so i would hurt myself to block out the mental pain!! Please keep your daughter in therapy... she can work through it in time with the proper therapy and family support!!

 

[Marlene]

Josh,

I appreciate your concern. I’m not sure if the timeline on this whole thing is clear. These things started when my daughter was 15. She is now almost 19. Her father and I told her that as long as she felt she needed to see her therapist is as long as she would go. She voluntarily stopped going in April of this year.

There’s been a lot of things going through my mind for the last couple of days and a lot of things that I have to come to terms with. She is an adult and as such I can’t ‘make’ her do anything. She knows that her family is always there to support her and if she needs help all she has to do is ask for it. And the fact that she did ask for help the second time into therapy tells me she knows how. Another thing that I’m coming to terms with are some of the reasons she was hurting in the first place that she’s just talked to me about. Basically it was high school ‘friends’ doing mind f*cks on her. Her self-esteem took a real beating during this time. She was also in therapy for three years and she decided when it was time for it to end.

One thing that I’m working very hard to comes to terms with is the fact that I have to trust her. Trust that she’s got the life skills she needs to go out on her own. Trust that if she needs help, that she knows that there’s nothing wrong with that and will seek it. She’s planning on moving out in Feb. or March and leaving the state. She wants to prove to herself that she can make it on her own. She wants to be able to make her own mistakes and learn from them (her words). While I applaud that, it scares me. That has nothing to do with PTSD. That’s just part of being a mom. I’m 38 years old and my mom is 66 and still worries about me. It’s one of those things that never end.

But I can’t sit in fear of what might happen. I’m so tired of the fear. I can’t hold it over her head (even if only in my mind) that this has happened before and ‘OMG, what if…’. I can’t hold the guilt I felt over my head anymore for not being able to protect her from being hurt and going through all of the things she went through. I can’t change the past. I can only go forward and trust and forgive and hope. I think it’s all any of us can do.

Wow…I think I wrote this more to myself than anything. I guess I needed a bit of a pep talk.

 

[anthony]

I agree marlene... I was kinda intrigued as I read into the end of that post, and you said everything that I was going to tell you. So then... take your own advice ha!

 

[Marlene]

So then... take your own advice ha!

Working on it. *Big, deep breath* REALLY working on it!

 

[Josh77]

I am sorry that you are going through this, for i have worried my mother to that extent from 14 years old until 20-something years old. Thank you for sharing with me what my mom and dad must have gone through with me!!
It always helps to see things from the other side, for me anyway. That's why i replied to your original post. Just know that we are listening!!

 

[Marlene]

Josh,

Thanks for sharing with me some stuff 'from the other side' as well. And thanks for your concern.