DAE needs to be taken care of in a way like choose for me what to wear and actually dress me and make my hair etc

[Sunnydays1]

Whenever there’s a social gathering, or just friends/family visiting, I can’t make myself look pretty or at least presentable. I want to look nice, but I can’t do it for myself. I need someone else to do it for me. I wish I had that.. thinking about it makes me feel safe and loved, and then sad and afraid that I can’t take care of myself.

Am I regressing to my childhood? Or is it because of my severe depression? I have chronic chest pain from feeling sad mostly, for no apparent reason,

I know I must do this myself because I’m an adult, the reasons why I can’t do it:
1- exhaustion
2- I don’t have a good sense for style
3- I’m not comfortable in my body, I feel like I’m carrying it around, (I’m a normal weight) it’s strange, like my body feels restrained and not free, I had this problem since before I reached puberty.

Days like this remind me of not wanting to continue with my burdens.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Maybe it links in with a feeling of being nurtured and cared for/ about in a very tangible way? I don't think that's regression, I think that's just human.

Leaning to look after ourselves is really, really bloody hard when we've had no imprint of how to do it in childhood. Add in depression and any task feels like a mountain to climb, let alone something we are scared and uncertain about

Does it help to break down self care into very small chunks? My OT taught me the 'one up' technique which I really like as you start exactly where you are and move one thing one step. So for me that first thing was getting leggings without holes. Didn't matter what, I didn't have to like them, they didn't even have to be the right size, they just had to be without holes and be on my body ok. We built, slowly, into finding stuff that actually fitted me ...but that took it's time.

 

[Friday]

1. DAE? Does anyone experience? Sorry I’ve got DAESH, ISIS, on the brain. DAE doesn’t parse outside of ISIS. Without qualification.

2. The first time my PTSD went sideways I was lucky enough to have 2 blokes who did ALL that for me. Nails, hair, clothes, lipstick. I could simply show up on their doorstep and they made me presentable.

 

[Sunnydays1]

1. DAE? Does anyone experience? Sorry I’ve got DAESH, ISIS, on the brain. DAE doesn’t parse outside of ISIS. Without qualification.

2. The first time my PTSD went sideways I was lucky enough to have 2 blokes who did ALL that for me. Nails, hair, clothes, lipstick. I could simply show up on their doorstep and they made me presentable.

DAE = Does Anybody Else

1. Why are you saying this to me?

2. If you can't be helpful, why reply at all?
Your response is not helpful, not funny, or are you being sarcastic and making fun of my predicament? What you wrote is disturbing.

Aren't there rules not to attack or demean vulnerable members? We are in a PTSD forum.

 

[PlainJane]

Take what is helpful, and leave the rest. I am not reading Friday's response as anything except sharing their experience. Perhaps try looking at it again with a different perspective?

Mod Note:
If you have concerns/questions regarding a post, please take it to Contact Us

Thank you :)

 

[Sunnydays1]

Take what is helpful, and leave the rest. I am not reading Friday's response as anything except sharing their experience. Perhaps try looking at it again with a different perspective?

Mod Note:
If you have concerns/questions regarding a post, please take it to Contact Us

Thank you :)

There was nothing helpful to take.
What's ISIS and the 2 blokes got to do with my subject?

 

[Rose White]

@Sunnydays1 I can’t read Friday’s mind but I think she was asking for clarification about the acronym you used (explaining why it confused her) and then reflecting her understanding of your situation by sharing that she also felt that way when her PTSD symptoms were spiking and was lucky enough to have friends at the time who could do for her what you wish you had (someone to dress you and do your hair). Overall the post seemed lighthearted and understanding to me.

Confusion can be a frightening experience but no need to blend it with offense. If there’s nothing useful to you you can just ignore it—even literally ignoring that person until you feel ready to face it.

 

[SophieBernstein]

Hi! It sounds to me like depression. Sometimes I can't take care of myself either and look like a homeless person... It's okay, sometimes we just can't. Why don't you try to look for some advice on the internet? Or makeup tutorials, IDK. About your body, you may feel uncomfortable, but most of the time, people don't even think about it. Just wear whatever you feel might look good, even though you don't feel comfortable at first. Over time, you will feel better in those clothes. In my experience, I always wore men's oversized clothes and now I wear women's clothes and they feel more "normal." They are still a little bit masculine, but I think they look really good. If you really want to look good for them, put on some music you like and just try to prepare yourself. I hope this helps you a little.

 

[Sunnydays1]

@Sunnydays1 I can’t read Friday’s mind but I think she was asking for clarification about the acronym you used (explaining why it confused her) and then reflecting her understanding of your situation by sharing that she also felt that way when her PTSD symptoms were spiking and was lucky enough to have friends at the time who could do for her what you wish you had (someone to dress you and do your hair). Overall the post seemed lighthearted and understanding to me.

Confusion can be a frightening experience but no need to blend it with offense. If there’s nothing useful to you you can just ignore it—even literally ignoring that person until you feel ready to face it.

Thanks Rose White for explaining.

I'm sorry @Friday I totally misunderstood what you were saying.

 

[Friday]

Thanks Rose White for explaining.

I'm sorry @Friday I totally misunderstood what you were saying.

No worries.

@Rose White was exactly correct.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Whenever there’s a social gathering, or just friends/family visiting, I can’t make myself look pretty or at least presentable. I want to look nice, but I can’t do it for myself. I need someone else to do it for me. I wish I had that.. thinking about it makes me feel safe and loved, and then sad and afraid that I can’t take care of myself.

Am I regressing to my childhood? Or is it because of my severe depression? I have chronic chest pain from feeling sad mostly, for no apparent reason,

I know I must do this myself because I’m an adult, the reasons why I can’t do it:
1- exhaustion
2- I don’t have a good sense for style
3- I’m not comfortable in my body, I feel like I’m carrying it around, (I’m a normal weight) it’s strange, like my body feels restrained and not free, I had this problem since before I reached puberty.

Days like this remind me of not wanting to continue with my burdens.

Not exactly the same, but I often feel too exhausted or overwhelmed to manage these things. I can spend a long time in the same clothes and need someone to prompt me to swap out. Do you have a friend or someone who'd be able to help find things you like and are comfortable in?

I think Midnightmoon is right you just want to be cared for. It's human to want help and nurturing with things we find hard and feel helpless in.
Have you considered that you might look presentable but your perception of yourself is skewed?

For me I have a very small scope of what clothes exist. I see a lot on other people but they disappear from my mind. And I like very much the same things. So I think other options are inaccessible or will be uncomfortable even if that is not true in every case.

I don't know much about style. Only that a stand out colour on shoes looks nicer with the same higher up (Eg. on a coat. Or scarf). If you have blue pants I'll look at them but if you have blue pants and a blue hat I'll be less drawn to one place. Or brighter/lighter colors closer to the head because it draws the eyes?
This is a question other women should answer I think.

But I feel I relate to the feeling of the body. I feel too conspicuous for myself. I'm not outrageously tall but I don't think my personality can handle it. Properly. I feel as if I should be born something else ad don't quite "Fit" the mould of my body. Wrong key in the lock kind of thing.