CPTSD and Relationship Breaks

[nattluvsmusic]

Hi everyone, for some background, I have CPTSD and anxious attachment.

3.5 weeks ago, my boyfriend left my apartment, explaining he needed space and time away from me. My mental health had caused me to become clingy and emotionally volatile. I selfishly believed spending all my time with him would alleviate my problems. But at these times I ended up projecting my anger onto him, causing fights and pain. I believe he was too afraid to outright break up, but this feels like an indefinite relationship break.

He left in tears, apologizing, and expressing his need for space to heal. He wanted that space for me to get better as well. He assured me he wouldn't see anyone else during this time. Though he initially responded to my texts the night this happened, he's since stopped, and I realized I needed to respect his request for space if I truly loved him. I haven't reached out since the night it happened. I've been focusing on CPTSD healing, EMDR therapy, support groups, and reconnecting with friends in a healthily vulnerable way, but it's a struggle. I constantly fear abandonment and have nightmares about him leaving me for someone else.

I want to reach out on our anniversary in early April, but I'm unsure if it's too soon. I feel trapped in a gray area, uncertain of his feelings. I am sure he loved me deeply, but now I fear his love has turned to resentment. I genuinely love him and feel he's the only person I've been truly vulnerable with. Even before we dated, I loved him as a friend. But I'm torn about whether to trust his word and whether he'll come back, and my faith wavers every time he's active on social media. I just assume he hates me and has moved on. Any advice, support, or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. <3

 

[Friday]

but I'm unsure if it's too soon.

It’s too soon.

Let them reach out to you. Rather than reaching out to your hopes & fears (which are, by definition, imaginary). Give them the respect, of speaking first.

 

[HorribleCoffee]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm also proud you're focusing on yourself and healing for a bit.

This is not specific to CPTSD, but generally when people ask for time and space, you wait for them to contact you. It's difficult, I know. I've been the one waiting for a message to pop up on my phone for months, trying my best not to send a Good morning text that I was so used to doing or to send a photo every time I see something that reminded me of them. It is the best thing you can do for them.

You may fear that they will never contact you again, and yes it can happen. But if you contact them when they are not ready, it can cause even more pain for both parties.

 

[Jewell]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm also proud you're focusing on yourself and healing for a bit.

This is not specific to CPTSD, but generally when people ask for time and space, you wait for them to contact you. It's difficult, I know. I've been the one waiting for a message to pop up on my phone for months, trying my best not to send a Good morning text that I was so used to doing or to send a photo every time I see something that reminded me of them. It is the best thing you can do for them.

You may fear that they will never contact you again, and yes it can happen. But if you contact them when they are not ready, it can cause even more pain for both parties.

SO True
I contacted my daughter and her response was basically I knew you’d reach out and not give me space
It’s brutal but I’ll wait now for her

 

[Whitewave]

Hi everyone, for some background, I have CPTSD and anxious attachment.

3.5 weeks ago, my boyfriend left my apartment, explaining he needed space and time away from me. My mental health had caused me to become clingy and emotionally volatile. I selfishly believed spending all my time with him would alleviate my problems. But at these times I ended up projecting my anger onto him, causing fights and pain. I believe he was too afraid to outright break up, but this feels like an indefinite relationship break.

He left in tears, apologizing, and expressing his need for space to heal. He wanted that space for me to get better as well. He assured me he wouldn't see anyone else during this time. Though he initially responded to my texts the night this happened, he's since stopped, and I realized I needed to respect his request for space if I truly loved him. I haven't reached out since the night it happened. I've been focusing on CPTSD healing, EMDR therapy, support groups, and reconnecting with friends in a healthily vulnerable way, but it's a struggle. I constantly fear abandonment and have nightmares about him leaving me for someone else.

I want to reach out on our anniversary in early April, but I'm unsure if it's too soon. I feel trapped in a gray area, uncertain of his feelings. I am sure he loved me deeply, but now I fear his love has turned to resentment. I genuinely love him and feel he's the only person I've been truly vulnerable with. Even before we dated, I loved him as a friend. But I'm torn about whether to trust his word and whether he'll come back, and my faith wavers every time he's active on social media. I just assume he hates me and has moved on. Any advice, support, or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. <3

I understand this. Also anxiously attached. Two years after husband left. Trauma therapy has helped tremendously and support from others who understand. Focusing on meeting my needs and doing things that fulfill me only. Staying in the present, parenting myself, and using a flashback protocol has been key.

 

[abovedown]

It’s too soon.

Let them reach out to you. Rather than reaching out to your hopes & fears (which are, by definition, imaginary). Give them the respect, of speaking first.

I agree. In the meantime focus on yourself and taking care of yourself. Do you have a therapist?

I understand this. Also anxiously attached. Two years after husband left. Trauma therapy has helped tremendously and support from others who understand. Focusing on meeting my needs and doing things that fulfill me only. Staying in the present, parenting myself, and using a flashback protocol has been key.

How to parent oneself? Not a snark but a honest question

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I wish I knew, I didn’t have very good role models.