Life can be so cruel—and it’s often the ones with the biggest hearts, the deepest compassion, and the strongest faith who seem to bear the heaviest loads. Reading your words, I felt both the weight of your pain and the power of your endurance. You’ve fought hard for safety, for truth, for a voice, and you’ve earned every step of ground you now stand on.I had a “trauma therapist” for 10 years before I realized that he was not a “trauma therapist”, but he was a therapist who had trauma listed as one of the things that he treated. I fired him for yelling at me that edema was not a side effect of the medication that the hospital put me on. I have been caring for myself for multiple chronic illnesses for almost 25 years. I am the only person who is the professional concerning my body. I have taught doctors things that they did not know and then they began implementing them with their patients. I only trust two medical doctors after having over a dozen specialists. I say all of that to explain why I refused to work with any therapist who was not specialized and specially trained in trauma. I know what I need and I will not accept anything less.
God has now matched me with a trauma informed therapist who has a theological degree from a local Bible college that is respected, as well as being a survivor of domestic violence. I trust her. I have only met with her three times, but I know God put us together. I am very, very thankful. I now feel safe and cared for. It took me one year and a six week stay at a facility in order to be able to lock myself in a separate part of the house from my husband to establish physical safety. And then it took another year of hard work on boundaries and clear and firm communication in order to establish emotional safety. For the last three weeks, I have had fewer triggers because my husband finally admitted to 21 years of hateful, selfish and cruel behavior from the day we were married. That took me a few weeks to process. Then I responded to him with a very long, very thorough letter explaining why things will be different now and how they will be different. He is now respecting my boundaries. He is now no longer abusing me. I took his rights away. Now we’re doing things my way, according to the way God leads me. I apologize for this run-on message, but I just have to share. This has all been so incredibly difficult. And the current situation outside of my home with what is going on in America, and in the world, only adds to everything we are dealing with. And because a lot of it has to do with abuse of power and authority, it is also a very big trigger for me since my husband was a police officer all the while he has been abusing me, and he used his authority and position to protect himself. I was trapped with three children and a body that didn’t work. I refused to allow my children to be put in the system, specifically because my son would’ve been targeted and raped on a daily basis. So unfortunately, I did not and I still do not have many choices.
I’m going to stop now. I’m very sorry for all of this over share. I haven’t seen my therapist in the past week, and I’ve been trying to process all of this stuff. It’s all I can do to remain sane. You are a lifeline to me. All of you on here who are dealing with PTSD/CPTSD and are also followers of Jesus. Thank you all so very, very much for providing me a safe place. May God richly bless you as you move forward in your healing and in serving the Lord.
You’re incredibly fortunate to have found a therapist you trust—someone who not only understands trauma but speaks your faith language, too. That connection is rare. Treasure it. But also keep in mind, as you already seem to know, that the complexity of your journey may go beyond the knowledge of even the best-trained professionals. That’s why your instincts, your discernment, your lived wisdom… they matter deeply.
You strike me as someone who is not only resilient but wise. You’ve walked through fire, and instead of turning bitter, you’re using what you’ve learned to protect your children, reclaim your life, and speak truth into the world. That’s powerful. Your faith will continue to be your anchor, but it’s your knowledge and your courage to act on it that will ultimately set you free.
Don’t apologize for sharing...it’s not too much. It’s real. And in this space, real is welcome. I honor your strength. And I’m walking beside you in spirit, cheering you on as you continue forward.
With deep respect and understanding,
