Scripture Share

[Dynamic]

“The proud have me in great derision, Yet I do not turn aside from Your law.”

Psalm 119:51

 

[Seeinlifedifferently]

Hello everyone. I’m glad I found this forum. I’m sort of going through a crisis of faith right now. Not fully a crisis of my faith - I know in the end I still want to be a Christian and I know no other ‘option’ will do for me. But, I am just starting the journey of processing my trauma and past griefs and I am having a hard time relating to God. I feel my faith and soul are fractured and I need God to piece me back together, but I am currently angry at Him for my life experiences. The Bible verses I know no longer bring comfort as I try to make sense of my experiences in light of who God says He is. Things aren’t making sense for me. To make things more complicated, I have adhd and possibly undiagnosed autism which in addition to cptsd makes things a bit more sticky. I’m working with a good psychologist for that but I feel I need a specifically Christian centered trauma counsellor or something. I’m praying God gives me something, just anything, hope His presence, so I can know again that He’s still there. I know theologically that He is but I can’t feel it or reconcile His presence with experiences. I feel I need to see Him in a new way or something, I don’t know. I have good pastors for theology and advice but I don’t know how to explain my experiences to them. I have been told that I am listening to my feelings too much and should stop. I know it’s good advice but it’s not very helpful when I am dealing with trauma related issues. I can tell that they might not be equipped to deal with faith issues arising from trauma. I don’t want to be minimized. If anyone know what can help me to relate with God again, please share. Right now I’m journaling and pouring out my heart and doubts to God. But I don’t have a scripture to hold unto. I feel kind of baseless without a scripture to hold unto and believe.
Thanks in advance.

 

[Dynamic]

@Seeinlifedifferently hi welcome.

Just a quick response while I’m out of the house: I’m preparing a lot of information I received from a good Christian therapist relating to main themes of brokenness. I will share here since it’s scripture based. And also I am praying for you.

 

[PamelaS]

Hello everyone. I’m glad I found this forum. I’m sort of going through a crisis of faith right now. Not fully a crisis of my faith - I know in the end I still want to be a Christian and I know no other ‘option’ will do for me. But, I am just starting the journey of processing my trauma and past griefs and I am having a hard time relating to God. I feel my faith and soul are fractured and I need God to piece me back together, but I am currently angry at Him for my life experiences. The Bible verses I know no longer bring comfort as I try to make sense of my experiences in light of who God says He is. Things aren’t making sense for me. To make things more complicated, I have adhd and possibly undiagnosed autism which in addition to cptsd makes things a bit more sticky. I’m working with a good psychologist for that but I feel I need a specifically Christian centered trauma counsellor or something. I’m praying God gives me something, just anything, hope His presence, so I can know again that He’s still there. I know theologically that He is but I can’t feel it or reconcile His presence with experiences. I feel I need to see Him in a new way or something, I don’t know. I have good pastors for theology and advice but I don’t know how to explain my experiences to them. I have been told that I am listening to my feelings too much and should stop. I know it’s good advice but it’s not very helpful when I am dealing with trauma related issues. I can tell that they might not be equipped to deal with faith issues arising from trauma. I don’t want to be minimized. If anyone know what can help me to relate with God again, please share. Right now I’m journaling and pouring out my heart and doubts to God. But I don’t have a scripture to hold unto. I feel kind of baseless without a scripture to hold unto and believe.
Thanks in advance.

You and I have a whole lot in common. I have come through the stage that you are in and I have come back to my faith, but everything you described I have lived. Undiagnosed ADHD , dyslexia. and possible autism along with diagnosed PTSD and undiagnosed CPTSD; the hundreds of verses that I had memorized and clung to in the past no longer worked for me. I was numb. God was distant. I could not see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. It’s common to be angry with God. I believe he can take it. I believe he wants us to continually be in communication with him working it out. I have come to understand that he is the first person we should go to. Please feel free to continue to reach out to us as you go through this season of your life. I promise you that it is just a season and that it will not last forever. Keep seeking God. Keep asking questions of him. Choose his will, and not your own. Choose to align your life with God’s Word. Keep moving in the direction of his promises. Jeremiah 29:11 has been transformational for many people. Spend time in your Bible, seeking truth and comfort and for all of your needs. I can’t imagine where I would be where not God intervening in my life. I pray that he becomes palpable again for you. And in the meantime, just keep moving forward, keep choosing his way, keep believing that this is a season and it will come to an end. I will be praying for you.

 

[PamelaS]

You and I have a whole lot in common. I have come through the stage that you are in and I have come back to my faith, but everything you described I have lived. Undiagnosed ADHD , dyslexia. and possible autism along with diagnosed PTSD and undiagnosed CPTSD; the hundreds of verses that I had memorized and clung to in the past no longer worked for me. I was numb. God was distant. I could not see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. It’s common to be angry with God. I believe he can take it. I believe he wants us to continually be in communication with him working it out. I have come to understand that he is the first person we should go to. Please feel free to continue to reach out to us as you go through this season of your life. I promise you that it is just a season and that it will not last forever. Keep seeking God. Keep asking questions of him. Choose his will, and not your own. Choose to align your life with God’s Word. Keep moving in the direction of his promises. Jeremiah 29:11 has been transformational for many people. Spend time in your Bible, seeking truth and comfort and for all of your needs. I can’t imagine where I would be where not God intervening in my life. I pray that he becomes palpable again for you. And in the meantime, just keep moving forward, keep choosing his way, keep believing that this is a season and it will come to an end. I will be praying for you.

I forgot a few things. Keep believing in miracles and have your eyes open to see them when they come. I truly do happen all of the time, but many of us just don’t see them.
Also, my testimony in the last year has been that God has opened doors while others have closed. After a year of going without a therapist because I could not trust anyone because of the horrible treatment of a treatment facility and my previous therapist, God opened the door to me learning about and seeking out a Christian therapist who is specialized in trauma. He matched me up with someone who has a theological degree at our local Bible college and is also a victim of domestic violence. It is so evident that this is a miracle, because we have so much in common. We even almost have the very same birthday, same year. We even have the same primary care physician. Those are just a couple of examples. We have walked in the same path and without words, we understand one another. I could not have chosen a more perfect and suitable therapist. It simply would be impossible, but with God it is possible. He did this for me.
After the third Church marginalized me and pushed me out and that third church closed the doors to me. He opened the door to an online option for a church that is thousands of miles from me. One day I opened YouTube and there it was at the top of my feed. It was such a perfect perfect solution that there was no way that it could not have been a miracle of God.I was able to join an online group of women working through Celebrate Recovery, not just the meet and share version, but the in-depth Step version where you intensively go through each step one at a time. During that you take a few months to write out an inventory of every good and bad situation in your life and analyze it. I am currently working through that inventory. Once again, God placed me with people who get it. Even the pastor was not simply a middle class American, who grew up in the church. He’s had a hard life and he gets it. And it is so evident that my greatest need is now being met, that is to be loved and accepted by people who are the hands and feet of Jesus. Praying for you to have eyes to see and ears to hear everything that God has for you, and that God will meet all of your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

 

[Dynamic]

Lie:

I am unworthy.

Truth:

I am accepted/worthy.

Romans 15:7, Psalm 139


Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.


Psalm 139 (ESV):

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[Seeinlifedifferently]

You and I have a whole lot in common. I have come through the stage that you are in and I have come back to my faith, but everything you described I have lived. Undiagnosed ADHD , dyslexia. and possible autism along with diagnosed PTSD and undiagnosed CPTSD; the hundreds of verses that I had memorized and clung to in the past no longer worked for me. I was numb. God was distant. I could not see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. It’s common to be angry with God. I believe he can take it. I believe he wants us to continually be in communication with him working it out. I have come to understand that he is the first person we should go to. Please feel free to continue to reach out to us as you go through this season of your life. I promise you that it is just a season and that it will not last forever. Keep seeking God. Keep asking questions of him. Choose his will, and not your own. Choose to align your life with God’s Word. Keep moving in the direction of his promises. Jeremiah 29:11 has been transformational for many people. Spend time in your Bible, seeking truth and comfort and for all of your needs. I can’t imagine where I would be where not God intervening in my life. I pray that he becomes palpable again for you. And in the meantime, just keep moving forward, keep choosing his way, keep believing that this is a season and it will come to an end. I will be praying for you.

Thank you so much for your kind words Pamela. I really needed this today. I had a breakdown after church because of how distant God seems and also the realization that I compartmentalise Him out of my day to day to cope and I let Him out when I have the space and energy to deal with the trauma. I currently find myself feeling cold towards Him. I feel like I have to relearn everything I know about God, faith and myself afresh. I’m glad I can post this here because I don’t know if I would have the courage to say this to the people around me in real life. I don’t know if they would know how to deal with it without minimising it and prescribing prayer and scripture. I don’t want people to see me as a weak gen z, throwing around ‘c-ptsd’ as a term. I don’t even know if people will believe me because I seem ‘fine’, I’m very skilled at compartmentalisation and dissociation so I look well even if I’m in misery while welcoming people to church as an usher. It’s so strange. But hopefully this season will pass. I do thank God for my psychologist and for the Christian therapist I reconnected with. I guess those are the little miracles.

 

[Seeinlifedifferently]

You and I have a whole lot in common. I have come through the stage that you are in and I have come back to my faith, but everything you described I have lived. Undiagnosed ADHD , dyslexia. and possible autism along with diagnosed PTSD and undiagnosed CPTSD; the hundreds of verses that I had memorized and clung to in the past no longer worked for me. I was numb. God was distant. I could not see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. It’s common to be angry with God. I believe he can take it. I believe he wants us to continually be in communication with him working it out. I have come to understand that he is the first person we should go to. Please feel free to continue to reach out to us as you go through this season of your life. I promise you that it is just a season and that it will not last forever. Keep seeking God. Keep asking questions of him. Choose his will, and not your own. Choose to align your life with God’s Word. Keep moving in the direction of his promises. Jeremiah 29:11 has been transformational for many people. Spend time in your Bible, seeking truth and comfort and for all of your needs. I can’t imagine where I would be where not God intervening in my life. I pray that he becomes palpable again for you. And in the meantime, just keep moving forward, keep choosing his way, keep believing that this is a season and it will come to an end. I will be praying for you.

I also wanted to say, it’s interesting that you mentioned Jeremiah 29:11. That’s a verse that I used to like but I now see differently. I have been wrestling with it and asking God what He really means when He says He has plans for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to know more about how you found your way back to Jesus.

 

[PamelaS]

I also wanted to say, it’s interesting that you mentioned Jeremiah 29:11. That’s a verse that I used to like but I now see differently. I have been wrestling with it and asking God what He really means when He says He has plans for welfare and not for evil, to give me a future and a hope. If you wouldn’t mind, I would love to know more about how you found your way back to Jesus.

Absolutely! I would be happy to share and be here for you as long as you need until you find your way back.
I’m a little tired right now and I can’t keep clear. I will get back to you but not today. I have health issues that allow me to function sometimes and sometimes don’t. Thanks for your patience and understanding and that you’re welcome here and we are here to support one another, and we all get it. Take good care of yourself. Eat well, sleep well, decrease stress as much as possible… I’m very glad to hear that you have Support on the outside and not just here. Stay close to them, especially the Christian therapist. And it might be helpful to share with someone else in your life who can be Jesus with skin on. I caution you, because I have been severely rejected from the church because of the mess that I was in when I was in a bad place. So choose someone that you can trust, someone you can rely on, and someone who is good for you. Open up slowly with little minor things to test the water before you share anything big. If they don’t respond in a way that is helpful to you then you’ll know that’s not a good fit. Be patient and God will guide you. He opened doors for me as other doors were closing. He is always there. He is always working. Choose to believe. Choose to trust. Choose to worship. All of these things will help you to get through. I will get back to you with more. Take good care of yourself.

 

[PamelaS]

Thank you so much for your kind words Pamela. I really needed this today. I had a breakdown after church because of how distant God seems and also the realization that I compartmentalise Him out of my day to day to cope and I let Him out when I have the space and energy to deal with the trauma. I currently find myself feeling cold towards Him. I feel like I have to relearn everything I know about God, faith and myself afresh. I’m glad I can post this here because I don’t know if I would have the courage to say this to the people around me in real life. I don’t know if they would know how to deal with it without minimising it and prescribing prayer and scripture. I don’t want people to see me as a weak gen z, throwing around ‘c-ptsd’ as a term. I don’t even know if people will believe me because I seem ‘fine’, I’m very skilled at compartmentalisation and dissociation so I look well even if I’m in misery while welcoming people to church as an usher. It’s so strange. But hopefully this season will pass. I do thank God for my psychologist and for the Christian therapist I reconnected with. I guess those are the little miracles.

Hello Seeninlifedifferently,
I’m very thankful that you are seeing miracles happening in your life. Keep yourself open to see them. That is exactly what they are, miracles. The more you see the miracles that are happening in your life, the more trust you can rebuild with God. He is there for you. He is working in the background for you. Setting things in place for your future. This is evidence of his love and faithfulness to you. He has been doing so many miracles for me recently. He opened the door to a perfect online option for a church as I was being pushed out of the third church. This online option showed up at the top of my feed in YouTube. It was so obvious that it was God by the perfect match of a church that he placed before me. I absolutely fit. I’m absolutely understood and loved. This is a church who loves misfits, the ones who Jesus came for. He also matched me up with the absolute most perfect trauma therapist for me. If I search the world over, I would never have found this person myself, but God placed her right smack dab in the middle of my life. I am so very thankful for these two miracles. They have allowed me to come back from complete insanity and for attempted suicides to a sound mind and a functioning person again. But it wasn’t just those two miracles. It was so many more. This forum is one of the miracles that is so valuable in my life. People here get it. I am fully understood. And I am able to help others. An absolute perfect fit of a support group who fully understand what I’ve been through, accept me as I am, and provides encouragement and support to me and so many others. If you keep your eyes open for these kinds of miracles, your faith will be returned to you.

Another thing that I have done through the years in order to survive is to support The Voice of the Martyrs. I receive mailings about what is going on all throughout the world when it comes to Christians being persecuted for their faith. It gives me great encouragement to hear about their lives and how they continue to believe in the most horrific circumstances. These are a few things that help. In addition to that, I constantly have earbuds or headphones on. I am constantly listening to Christian music. It soothes my soul. When I’m really struggling, I sing out loud along with it, and it ministers to me. Worship is spiritual warfare against the enemy. I keep myself safe from the enemy through many different ways. Spiritual warfare is a large part of my life. Everything that I do to build my faith is spiritual warfare against the enemy. He is the one behind everything that is going on in your life to destroy you. But he doesn’t have to win, because Jesus already defeated him on the cross. We just have to learn how to live accordingly. This is the first season of my life that I feel completely blessed. It has followed the most difficult season of my life. God does that. I have found over and over in my life that the greatest blessings come after the greatest trials. So keep holding on. Keep pushing through. Keep leaning into God. Keep worshiping. Keep listening to music and messages that minister to you. I studied my Bible for so many many years. My original Bible fell apart. But now I just referred to it in order to share an encouraging word to someone else. My Bible is now a part of me. I know it like the back of my hand. Even still, I went through this two years season where nothing got through to me because the enemy’s hand was so heavy. The first book of the Bible that I ever read the whole through was the book of Job, because I understood suffering. But even the book of Job has hope. Joe received a double blessing after his time of trial by the enemy. Stay faithful to the Lord because he is there whether you feel him or not. This is called the dark night of the soul, where God seems to be gone. But that is a lie from the enemy. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God is always there working things together for your good and his glory. I hope and pray that all of this is an encouragement for you to persevere through this dark season. One day at a time. One step at a time. Keep moving forward. I am a kangaroo, a Weeble and an ostrich. I’ll explain that at another time. Until then know that I am praying for you and that all will be well with your soul. God promises that.

 

[PamelaS]

Check out Marcus Stanley. He was shot up and left for dead by a gang. Spent the next year in the hospital. It’s obvious how hard he has leaned into God. Words from the Bible just flow out of his mouth. He was involved with worship before that. Still plays the keyboard for all of us occasionally. Not sure what else he’s able to do. I know he still has physical challenges. All glory to God for how he is being used to minister to so many people at such a time as this. I pray that he blesses you.

 

[Dynamic]

Lie. I am alone.

Hebrews 13:5, Romans 8:38-39

Hebrews 13:5
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.