Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Intrusive Thoughts - Ending a 10 Year Relationship

[CazzTheGeek]

Having a drink?

Just saw on your post your five years sober, I'm sorry I mentioned drinking. I know how hard it is. I was 10 years sober before all this happened.

 

[Survivor3]

Just saw on your post your five years sober, I'm sorry I mentioned drinking. I know how hard it is. I was 10 years sober before all this happened.

It dosent bother me in the slightest. I'm not addicted to it anymore. Wow you were 10 years! Incredible!

 

[CazzTheGeek]

@Survivor3 If you're OK talking about it, if not don't respond. I won't take offence. Yes, I used alcohol as a coping mechanism, I started at 13 I think. Not a great childhood and I was around booze alot. I stopped drinking to cope when I met my ex.

He came back by the way, knows I'm drinking but said nothing other than "Have a good time in Brighton?" I just replied with "It was fine" (Brighton is where my friends are, and where I used to live I'm stuck in Eastbourne with my ex) Wouldn't tell this normally, but I know your from the UK too.

 

[Survivor3]

Yes, many people start using at quite a young age, I became an alcoholic in my late teens. My dad was a violent and abusive alcoholic. I preferred smoking hashish/weed. And would have stuck to that if I could have got it regularly. I hated my dad.
I would drink everyday constantly. Up until 5 years ago. Stopped smoking aswell. Had a 4.5 hour heart attack, nearly died.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Yes, many people start using at quite a young age, I became an alcoholic in my late teens. My dad was a violent and abusive alcoholic. I preferred smoking hashish/weed. And would have stuck to that if I could have got it regularly. I hated my dad.
I would drink everyday constantly. Up until 5 years ago. Stopped smoking aswell. Had a 4.5 hour heart attack, nearly died.

Sorry you had to go through that. There was a lot of arguing, resentment, mental abuse and alcohol in my home growing up. To cope I used any drugs including alcohol.

Holy crap, I'm glad you came out on the other side. Your strength is very inspiring.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

@Survivor3 Hey, hope you're doing well?
And anyone else following along with my journey, hope you're all doing well! Got a big update. I have a viewing for a property tomorrow, it's within my budget and not far from friends. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Also I contacted a solicitor that was recommended by Citizens Advice. Waiting on a call back, should be today.

My CPTSD is worse than ever due to everything's that's happened, I'm stuttering and shaking again. Having more frequent anxiety and panic attacks.

The thing that's bothering me the most is this, my ex says his not having an affair or committing adultery because we're not a couple anymore and we're separated. I've always felt because we're still married and under the same roof he is. Today I looked it up and under UK law, he is committing adultery. I just want your guys opinion on the matter.

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya cazz. Great news on the property viewing and also on the solicitor. I'm not going to offer an opinion on your relationship right now. I'm a bit short on words as I feel a bit sideways today, no anxiety or anything, more like psychological problem. I just feel a bit off. Really look forward to talking to you about the property and solicitor though. 1st and foremost is you getting somewhere suitable to live so you can start your new life!! .

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Hiya cazz. Great news on the property viewing and also on the solicitor. I'm not going to offer an opinion on your relationship right now. I'm a bit short on words as I feel a bit sideways today, no anxiety or anything, more like psychological problem. I just feel a bit off. Really look forward to talking to you about the property and solicitor though. 1st and foremost is you getting somewhere suitable to live so you can start your new life!! .

No worries, I know how it is. Yesterday I was going through the same. Absolutely, it's a large studio but big enough for me. Fingers crossed for tomorrow and hope you feel better, if you need a chat, I'm around all day.

 

[Survivor3]

No worries, I know how it is. Yesterday I was going through the same. Absolutely, it's a large studio but big enough for me. Fingers crossed for tomorrow and hope you feel better, if you need a chat, I'm around all day.

Yes I will definitely keep my fingers crossed for you and will also include you in my meditation. All the best to you.

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Yes I will definitely keep my fingers crossed for you and will also include you in my meditation. All the best to you.

Thanks, and like I said, I'm around all day today if you need a chat.

 

[Survivor3]

Thanks cazz. there's a couple of things on my mind, firstly, I've been spending quite a bit of money recently, and i just feel lucky and grateful that I've managed to save up that money. In reality I haven't spent that much but lots of little purchases. Stuff for my home music studio which is now nearly complete. Now I need to start working on stuff which is simultaneously exciting and scary. Haha . In a way I've waited all my life for this moment. And now it's like "oh my god! Time to start recording stuff"!

I really can't wait. Its going to be a new me.

I can't wait to hear about your studio viewing tommorow, I hope it's good.

Also I am still plagued by thoughts of one of my past abusers who said to me once that no-one was going to help me. Ugh, what an asshole . These people make me sick .

He was wrong, people are helping me and I'm helping myself!

 

[CazzTheGeek]

Thanks cazz. there's a couple of things on my mind, firstly, I've been spending quite a bit of money recently, and i just feel lucky and grateful that I've managed to save up that money. In reality I haven't spent that much but lots of little purchases. Stuff for my home music studio which is now nearly complete. Now I need to start working on stuff which is simultaneously exciting and scary. Haha . In a way I've waited all my life for this moment. And now it's like "oh my god! Time to start recording stuff"!

I really can't wait. Its going to be a new me.

I can't wait to hear about your studio viewing tommorow, I hope it's good.

Also I am still plagued by thoughts of one of my past abusers who said to me once that no-one was going to help me. Ugh, what an asshole . These people make me sick .

He was wrong, people are helping me and I'm helping myself!

Well first off it's a breath of fresh air hearing a man can control his finances Secondly if you're saving and still able to make little purchases, no harm done. Make your dream a reality.

My dream is Vtubing. (not sure if you're familiar with it) I am a monitor and a mouse away from completing this, and when I do, the "OMG, time to start recording stuff", will be a mutual feeling.

With the past abuser stuff, I can relate. However they don't define you, and right now, you're proving them all wrong. You're strong and because of this and the fact your following your dream, you will continue to prove them wrong.