Movingforward10
VIP Member
I grew up with a mother who I believe is narcissistic. Learning about the structure of the narissitic family has really helped me.
In my family, my Dad was her enabler. Everything he did was to protect her, rather than protect us. He knew of her lies but kept quiet. I don't think he realised the extent of her abusive behaviour because he never challenged her narrative.
My oldest sister was/is the golden child. To this day, (she is now in her mid 50s) she can not let go the notion that our mother is always always right and I and others so very horribly wrong. Even when I told her about me being sexually harmed as a child and how our parents failed to protect me: she tells me I am wrong and is unable to have any empathy at all for what I went through.
My middle sister was/is the scapegoat. She grew up thinking she was always wrong. Everything was her fault. Going missing aged 2 and 3: her fault. Breaking things she shouldn't have been given: her fault. Starting a fire (if this fire ever existed I don't actually know, it might be a fabrication or an over exageration) when she and I were left home alone when she was 3 and I was a baby: her fault. The lack of supervision was never mentioned, just always her fault.
And I was the lost child. The one who couldn't exist other than to fix the problems for everyone else. Everyone came to me from a very young age to keep the peace. And when I failed, it was my fault. I grew up alone. Any feelings I had, were laughed away, dismissed. Even when traumatic things happened. Any presents given to me I think were then broken, or taken, or were actually presents for others.
And then I was sexually harmed by people outside of the home .
I became excellent at not existing. And built a lot of self blame if I failed at that, by having a need and wanting it met.
My mother also consumed our bodies. She didn't do sexual acts but our bodies were/are hers to own. She did a number of odd things. I won't go in to all that in this post.
She changed reality to suit her whims. She happily lied if it meant it made her look better. She pitted us all against each other. And still does.
Sometimes she seems oblivious to the impact of her behaviour. Other times she seems to revel in the distress she causes. A very very confusing mix to work out whether she is or isn't intentional with her abuse.
I write all this because I am trying so hard to heal from it all.
And if you want to share how you experienced your narissitic family, maybe learning from each other will help understand and heal from that relational trauma , gaslighting, and all the other forms of abuse that come out of it.
Note:
people over use the word narissitic. This thread isn't a debate about that. Please start a different thread if you wish to have that discussion. This thread is about sharing experiences of growing up in a narissitic family, understanding the impact that has had on us and trying to heal from it.
Please also share any resources you have found helpful.
In my family, my Dad was her enabler. Everything he did was to protect her, rather than protect us. He knew of her lies but kept quiet. I don't think he realised the extent of her abusive behaviour because he never challenged her narrative.
My oldest sister was/is the golden child. To this day, (she is now in her mid 50s) she can not let go the notion that our mother is always always right and I and others so very horribly wrong. Even when I told her about me being sexually harmed as a child and how our parents failed to protect me: she tells me I am wrong and is unable to have any empathy at all for what I went through.
My middle sister was/is the scapegoat. She grew up thinking she was always wrong. Everything was her fault. Going missing aged 2 and 3: her fault. Breaking things she shouldn't have been given: her fault. Starting a fire (if this fire ever existed I don't actually know, it might be a fabrication or an over exageration) when she and I were left home alone when she was 3 and I was a baby: her fault. The lack of supervision was never mentioned, just always her fault.
And I was the lost child. The one who couldn't exist other than to fix the problems for everyone else. Everyone came to me from a very young age to keep the peace. And when I failed, it was my fault. I grew up alone. Any feelings I had, were laughed away, dismissed. Even when traumatic things happened. Any presents given to me I think were then broken, or taken, or were actually presents for others.
And then I was sexually harmed by people outside of the home .
I became excellent at not existing. And built a lot of self blame if I failed at that, by having a need and wanting it met.
My mother also consumed our bodies. She didn't do sexual acts but our bodies were/are hers to own. She did a number of odd things. I won't go in to all that in this post.
She changed reality to suit her whims. She happily lied if it meant it made her look better. She pitted us all against each other. And still does.
Sometimes she seems oblivious to the impact of her behaviour. Other times she seems to revel in the distress she causes. A very very confusing mix to work out whether she is or isn't intentional with her abuse.
I write all this because I am trying so hard to heal from it all.
And if you want to share how you experienced your narissitic family, maybe learning from each other will help understand and heal from that relational trauma , gaslighting, and all the other forms of abuse that come out of it.
Note:
people over use the word narissitic. This thread isn't a debate about that. Please start a different thread if you wish to have that discussion. This thread is about sharing experiences of growing up in a narissitic family, understanding the impact that has had on us and trying to heal from it.
Please also share any resources you have found helpful.
Last edited by a moderator:
