Preamble: for 40 something years I abhorred tattoos. It was something "other people" did.
Related to my PTSD, after my trauma hit I found myself -- a 40-something year old guy -- "cutting." Except unlike the typical teenage girl, I was cutting circular patterns into my arm. I would use sterile equipment, special blades, replacing them constantly, etc. The goal was scarification, rather than tattooing. It was impulse, not something I was doing under my own control (totally) but something I felt compelled to do. Like the typical cutting, it did seem to release tension. The goal, artistically, was to leave behind a set of white scars in a circular pattern. Unfortunately, while the cuts looked "good" (subjective, of course), they healed and left very little behind. After about six months, it was only when I got a sunburn on my arm did they ever show.
I then searched out to see if anyone had tried "stitching" as a form of scarification. I wanted to have someone cut the arm, then stitch ig, surgical style, and leave the stitches in for a period of time. THen I would remove the stitches, leaving behind the typical surgical stitch scars. But, again, this would be done in an artistic pattern. Finding someone to do this was tough. I did find a registered nurse who also did tattoos, but she informed me that it was likely illegal and didn't seem to keen on me being her "Patient Zero."
I finally gave up and just tattooed the pattern on my arm. Instead of the typical black ink, I chose solid red, and the effect is jarring to most people. I keep it covered most of the time (it runs from my elbow to my wrist) just to avoid conversation. I did it for me, not for anyone else.
The reality is that I really don't know why I did it, except perhaps it was a form of self mutilation that society would allow me to do, without any hassles. Definitely a PTSD side effect in my case.
Gave me new respect for those with ink, though.
Related to my PTSD, after my trauma hit I found myself -- a 40-something year old guy -- "cutting." Except unlike the typical teenage girl, I was cutting circular patterns into my arm. I would use sterile equipment, special blades, replacing them constantly, etc. The goal was scarification, rather than tattooing. It was impulse, not something I was doing under my own control (totally) but something I felt compelled to do. Like the typical cutting, it did seem to release tension. The goal, artistically, was to leave behind a set of white scars in a circular pattern. Unfortunately, while the cuts looked "good" (subjective, of course), they healed and left very little behind. After about six months, it was only when I got a sunburn on my arm did they ever show.
I then searched out to see if anyone had tried "stitching" as a form of scarification. I wanted to have someone cut the arm, then stitch ig, surgical style, and leave the stitches in for a period of time. THen I would remove the stitches, leaving behind the typical surgical stitch scars. But, again, this would be done in an artistic pattern. Finding someone to do this was tough. I did find a registered nurse who also did tattoos, but she informed me that it was likely illegal and didn't seem to keen on me being her "Patient Zero."
I finally gave up and just tattooed the pattern on my arm. Instead of the typical black ink, I chose solid red, and the effect is jarring to most people. I keep it covered most of the time (it runs from my elbow to my wrist) just to avoid conversation. I did it for me, not for anyone else.
The reality is that I really don't know why I did it, except perhaps it was a form of self mutilation that society would allow me to do, without any hassles. Definitely a PTSD side effect in my case.
Gave me new respect for those with ink, though.
