Other Trying to socialize with others is infuriating

[1nkblott]

My social life, both online and in real life, has always been garbage and it's something that passively bothers me all the time.

A couple of years ago I really tried my best to turn things around, since I felt like I had it with feeling like a background character in my own life. I did everything I could to start trying to talk to people more, both on social media and offline, and no matter what I do it feels like nothing really changes and I'm honestly getting very pissed.

I swear to god, I'm always sitting around watching other more normal people have very in-depth, jovial conversations about a myriad of topics. And then, when I try to join in on the same conversation (Yes, I do try to stay on topic, be polite, all that) it all just stops with my sudden presence. I usually get a simple head nod or an "Oh that's nice", then someone else starts talking about something else, usually something I don't know about, and then there's nothing else I can really add or ask about without sounding stupid. At worst, I get ignored while someone else carries a conversation.

Like what the f*ck? I clearly want to engage in the thing everyone else is engaging in, but I always find myself "pushed out" of conversations. It's even more annoying because sometimes, I feel like I can hardly insert myself into a conversation in the first place because everyone is talking so aggressively to each other that if I tried to speak up, I'd be interrupting them or cutting them off. And they just keep going, it's so irritating. How do these social butterfly types do it? Is there some secret technique I'm not getting that comes naturally to only specific people? I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 

[Movingforward10]

Hmmmm.
Hard to know if it is this:

I don't know what I'm doing wrong

^^

Or if some of the people you are hanging around with are not that nice?

Dominating conversations isn't being a social butterfly. And it sounds like it is domination of you can't get a word in and then when you join in, the conversation ends. Maybe it's more then liking the sound of their voice and not actually having a conversation but a monologue?

Do you start conversations? Maybe there is something to try there?

You have started this conversation......

 

[1nkblott]

Or if some of the people you are hanging around with are not that nice?

I used to get this impression a lot more often with the people I would rub shoulders with, but seeing as how this seems to happen quite often, I don't think it's the case anymore.

Maybe it's more then liking the sound of their voice and not actually having a conversation but a monologue?

It really feels that way these days, especially online. People on social media always seems like they're very self-centered and will only talk about themselves or the things they like and well, while I can't say I'm really much better in that aspect, I usually try really hard to at the very least let everyone have their piece. But for some reason, it's like people don't care to hear anything I have to say when I get my foot in the door, if I even can.

In-person, everyone does as I said before: I'll usually say something and then they'll just nod and go "Oh okay" and not address me. Do people just think I'm too "weird"? I'm at a level tone when I speak, I'm very polite, and I let other people have their turn. I don't know at all what I could be doing that makes anyone feel put off.

I will admit, I do use my phone sometimes when I'm in social situations that are way too overwhelming for my liking such as if I'm at a party or church. Those situations are the worst and I don't even try to deal with them anymore, there's just never any point.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm at a level tone when I speak, I'm very polite, and I let other people have their turn. I don't know at all what I could be doing that makes anyone feel put off.

Are you being 'too nice'? In that, are you being authentically you?

Have you tried making friends in a group where you share the same interest? Maybe like a book club, or running group or something.

People on social media always seems like they're very self-centered

Yeah, it seems to me that social media brings the worst out in people and is very performative and superficial.

I will admit, I do use my phone sometimes when I'm in social situations that are way too overwhelming for my liking such as if I'm at a party or church.

I would be put off if someone was on their phone as it gives me the impression they are bored and the phone acts as a barrier to speak to them.
But I also get that social situations can be overwhelming. And that's okay.

 

[100HB]

Ask the people you are trying to talk to about themselves. Most people love talking about themselves. We live in an ego driven/selfie/branded society. The real trick is to stay interested once you open those doors,
Most stick to the topic they feel dominate about & a compliment on their supposed wizardry goes a long way.
Social equity is over rated. I prefer not to talk to most people yet professionally had to learn the skill set. Public speaking courses are worthwhile if it is something you’re truly interested in.
A indepth, heart felt & meaningful conversation that includes critical thinking is a rare thing to find in this world.
Gentle hugs sent your way.