Why would people think since I seek out casual sex it would mean a guy would take advantage of me when it’s not true?

[Mentalhealthstudent]

Someone on another forum said to me if you don’t know why it’s dangerous to try to meet up with them on the same day then you can’t consent. I told them I do know the dangers and know when a guy is taking advantage of me. They even said a guy will take advantage of my deficits to get sex so my therapist told me that it’s important for me to tell her what guy I am going to hook up with to see if he has good intentions or not. Is this out of line and unnecessary and these people are making me seem worse than I seem? Why would they think just because I’m seeking out casual sex like everyone else it means a guy would take advantage of me? What do you think about this?

 

[Sideways]

Is this out of line and unnecessary and these people are making me seem worse than I seem?

Not necessarily. There isn’t anything like enough information to give you a balanced or insightful response.

But here’s the thing - you have 2 posts on similar issues (complaints about the opinion of strangers on another online forum). Coming to a new forum, to start multiple threads complaining about opinions you didn’t like on another forum…that’s dysfunctional, borderline trolling.

No one here has anything like enough knowledge of you, the conversation, or the context, to give a meaningful answer. Just generating outrage isn’t productive.

Better boundaries about what you share and who you share it with may be helpful for you.

Taking advice that’s helpful and leaving the rest may also make the internet a more survivable place for you.

Any time we share details about ourselves on the internet, with strangers, we expose ourselves to opinions that we aren’t going to like. That’s the reality.

Do you have ptsd? If so, how is what you’re experiencing related to that do you think?

 

[Mentalhealthstudent]

Not necessarily. There isn’t anything like enough information to give you a balanced or insightful response.

But here’s the thing - you have 2 posts on similar issues (complaints about the opinion of strangers on another online forum). Coming to a new forum, to start multiple threads complaining about opinions you didn’t like on another forum…that’s dysfunctional, borderline trolling.

No one here has anything like enough knowledge of you, the conversation, or the context, to give a meaningful answer. Just generating outrage isn’t productive.

Better boundaries about what you share and who you share it with may be helpful for you.

Taking advice that’s helpful and leaving the rest may also make the internet a more survivable place for you.

Any time we share details about ourselves on the internet, with strangers, we expose ourselves to opinions that we aren’t going to like. That’s the reality.

Do you have ptsd? If so, how is what you’re experiencing related to that do you think?

Ok you are right I won’t post the same thing I promise. I do have traits of PTSD.

 

[Sideways]

I do have traits of PTSD.

Do you see those traits playing into this issue?

 

[Mentalhealthstudent]

Do you see those traits playing into this issue?

Yeah definitely and I am sorry my anxiety is also causing me to do this too. I was asking another question about a different issue like just because I seek out casual sex doesn’t mean a guy would take advantage of me. Why would some people think that?

 

[Sideways]

Why would some people think that?

Partly because it’s typical of casual relationships - very often, someone is taking advantage of the other person for some reason, in some way.

Partly because it’s very typical of casual relationships where one person has a mental health condition - that makes them particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

So, you’re seeking out casual sex, and you have a mental health condition. That makes you particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of. And that’s probably understating it.

Worth exploring with your T.

Also worth exploring with your T, if you’re not already, is why you’re seeking out casual sex rather than a relationship where the person is allowed to get to know you. You’ve skipped over that part, but being honest with yourself about that (even if you don’t share that information here) might be more helpful to your recovery than wondering why strangers on the internet can be asshats.

 

[Mentalhealthstudent]

Partly because it’s typical of casual relationships - very often, someone is taking advantage of the other person for some reason, in some way.

Partly because it’s very typical of casual relationships where one person has a mental health condition - that makes them particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

So, you’re seeking out casual sex, and you have a mental health condition. That makes you particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of. And that’s probably understating it.

Worth exploring with your T.

Also worth exploring with your T, if you’re not already, is why you’re seeking out casual sex rather than a relationship where the person is allowed to get to know you. You’ve skipped over that part, but being honest with yourself about that (even if you don’t share that information here) might be more helpful to your recovery than wondering why strangers on the internet can be asshats.

Yeah I will tell my therapist that and someone like me with autism can have casual sex without a guy taking advantage of me right? That’s why my therapist will help me to see who is right for me? And just because I have casual sex doesn’t mean every guy would try to take advantage of me right?

 

[Sideways]

someone like me with autism can have casual sex without a guy taking advantage of me right?

Having a diagnosis of autism doesn’t really help much - autism impacts people in wildly different ways. While it may have significant impairment on one person’s ability to keep themselves safe in relationships, it wouldn’t affect another person’s ability at all.

So - there’s more to the equation than your diagnosis.

There’s a degree of naivety about your attitude to casual sex, and the inherently unsafe nature of that, in your posts. That’s probably something it would be helpful for you to develop more insight into - again, not “why are other people like that”, but “what’s happening for me here”.

That’s why my therapist will help me to see who is right for me?

This is between you and your therapist.

You and your T are going to get a much more accurate read on whether a partner is safe if they hang around long enough that you can get to know them - the opposite of what happens in casual sex. Almost by definition, it would be near impossible for your T to vet a casual sex encounter for you.

Given that casual sex is inherently unsafe, you’re in a particularly vulnerable group, and limited insight you can offer into a partner that is merely ‘casual’ - I’d be pretty surprised if a T ever advised you “that casual sex encounter will be safe”. That would raise serious ethical issues for me.

If you want to stay safe (and I’m talking more than physical safety)? Consider actually having a relationship with someone. That’s how we keep ourselves safe.

 

[Mentalhealthstudent]

Having a diagnosis of autism doesn’t really help much - autism impacts people in wildly different ways. While it may have significant impairment on one person’s ability to keep themselves safe in relationships, it wouldn’t affect another person’s ability at all.

So - there’s more to the equation than your diagnosis.

There’s a degree of naivety about your attitude to casual sex, and the inherently unsafe nature of that, in your posts. That’s probably something it would be helpful for you to develop more insight into - again, not “why are other people like that”, but “what’s happening for me here”.

This is between you and your therapist.

You and your T are going to get a much more accurate read on whether a partner is safe if they hang around long enough that you can get to know them - the opposite of what happens in casual sex. Almost by definition, it would be near impossible for your T to vet a casual sex encounter for you.

Given that casual sex is inherently unsafe, you’re in a particularly vulnerable group, and limited insight you can offer into a partner that is merely ‘casual’ - I’d be pretty surprised if a T ever advised you “that casual sex encounter will be safe”. That would raise serious ethical issues for me.

If you want to stay safe (and I’m talking more than physical safety)? Consider actually having a relationship with someone. That’s how we keep ourselves safe.

How would it be an ethical issue to see if a sexual encounter would be safe? And what are my rights if people on the internet is doubting my ability to consent to sex? When I can consent. I want to have sex partners without guys thinking something is wrong with me.

 

[Movingforward10]

How would it be an ethical issue to see if a sexual encounter would be safe?

Because your T, or anyone else, can't say that something is safe. Because: they only know what you tell them. And because you might not see a risk when there is one (anyone might not see a risk when there is one). The person you are meeting might be lying to you and pretending to be safe when they aren't. All sorts of things.
You can't get an binary: safe versus not safe, about these things from a therapist.
What a therapist will do is explore with you how you assess safety and risk and what feels right and okay for you.

And what are my rights if people on the internet is doubting my ability to consent to sex?

None. Your rights aren't being violated because some random person on the internet has a different opinion to you.