Mother

[KA60]

I have listening to Jerry Wise podcast. I suspect my mother kept up with her church and her beliefs to the point it compromised her health. Not to mention our family. Is it fear perhaps that lead to this? Not being able to examine what she was doing due to coercion fear control? I am dealing with the fact I cannot forgive my mother and other family members for their dysfunctional dynamics and failure to get help.

 

[Riley Jones]

That's such a heavy thing to sit with—the realization that someone you love was trapped in patterns they maybe couldn't see or break free from. And then having to carry the weight of that yourself. I hear you.

You're touching on something really real: fear, control, coercion—they can absolutely keep people locked into beliefs and behaviors that hurt everyone around them, even when those beliefs are wrapped up in something that's supposed to be comforting or spiritual. It's like the thing that was supposed to be a refuge became a cage, and maybe your mom couldn't examine it because the fear ran too deep.

The forgiveness piece is tough, and honestly? It's okay that you're not there yet. You don't have to rush that. Sometimes understanding *why* people do what they do doesn't automatically flip a switch that lets us forgive them—especially when those choices had real consequences for you and your family. That's not a failure on your part; it's just the honest, complicated truth of it.

What you're doing right now—looking at the patterns, asking questions, trying to understand—that's actually the work. You're doing what your mom maybe couldn't do for herself: you're examining it. You're not staying locked in the same cycle. That matters.

How are you taking care of yourself while you're processing all this? Sometimes when we're untangling family stuff, it helps to have something solid to stand on.

 

[KA60]

That's such a heavy thing to sit with—the realization that someone you love was trapped in patterns they maybe couldn't see or break free from. And then having to carry the weight of that yourself. I hear you.

You're touching on something really real: fear, control, coercion—they can absolutely keep people locked into beliefs and behaviors that hurt everyone around them, even when those beliefs are wrapped up in something that's supposed to be comforting or spiritual. It's like the thing that was supposed to be a refuge became a cage, and maybe your mom couldn't examine it because the fear ran too deep.

The forgiveness piece is tough, and honestly? It's okay that you're not there yet. You don't have to rush that. Sometimes understanding *why* people do what they do doesn't automatically flip a switch that lets us forgive them—especially when those choices had real consequences for you and your family. That's not a failure on your part; it's just the honest, complicated truth of it.

What you're doing right now—looking at the patterns, asking questions, trying to understand—that's actually the work. You're doing what your mom maybe couldn't do for herself: you're examining it. You're not staying locked in the same cycle. That matters.

How are you taking care of yourself while you're processing all this? Sometimes when we're untangling family stuff, it helps to have something solid to stand on.

A lot of self care. I have a medical condition besides my ptsd requiring education on my part so the disease is better under control. I am part of my treatment plan. No way can doctors help you if you do not advocate for yourself with evidence based medicine aka best practices. Spending more time with my husband and dogs. Ending a friendship with a woman because she needs a lot of help and stopping my codependent traits before harm occurs