How Does One Go About Getting Urgent Medicine?

[ronin47]

It wasn't your fault what happened. Someone else was in a position of trust and authority and they grossly abused that at your expense. However, by telling yourself that you are powerless over your emotions and anger toward the person who subjected you to such pain, you are giving that person power over you even after the actual incident in question. You are working on taking control of the after effects of your trauma, and that is fantastic. There is a natural desire to be able to snap your fingers and make bad feelings go away, but it doesn't work like that. And if it does than that is cause for concern.

You can take back you own heart and mind from the people who are controlling it right now through your anger. You give yourself credit for even making it through all those stresses and tribulations and coming out the other side. If you can make it through that, you can make it through the aftershock. Please message me anytime you want if you feel the need to talk to someone. You are not alone in this.

 

[anthony]

I'll only say that I did not put myself through this. Sometimes things are beyond a person's control and all that my family and I have survived this last many months (with me alone doing a majority of work), has been quite the accomplishment in itself; I'm not trying to sound arrogant here, but really I don't think there are many around that could do what I did and am doing in spite of the pathetic health and condition I am now in.

Nobody is saying its your fault hope... more trying to get you to see what you have written above anyway... so you can see the positives to what you have achieved, but I'm not sure you are believing them at times.

 

[goingonhope]

Firstly with regards to the medication, do you know what medication you need?

No, CB I didn't know so and upon seeing him I couldn't at first speak honestly, (I would've minimized everything), I just handed him nearly all the contents of post #4. So he got to not only read but keep the words: rage & monstor and such, and sh't that increased anxiety in and of itself. I certainly don't wish anyone to feel, or be thinking afraid of, or afraid for me. And, my med records, it just may've ended up rewritten into it. :(

Also double check with the doctor about the PRN meds that you already have. Just to make sure that you are still unable to take them.

He was the doctor that was willing to write me the PRN prescription - (benzo. derivitive) sedative/hypnotic in prior months for anxiety and he now knows from reading never to write that again, because though I have memory of it having been most helpful (seldomly taken, but over a period of a decade +) both he and I trust that its effects no longer produce sedation, but rather a speed effect, anxiety and mental stress / confusion.

This medicine is very hard for me to let go of permanetly because I believe it once saved my life, and allowed me to have a life again. Oh' well, he wrote prescriptions for Physical therapy, Lorazepam (0.5, 2x daily, as needed) and (50mg Tramadol) and I have another appt. with him sched. in 4 wks. In the meantime he wants me to follow through with my intention to find a psychiatrist.

As for being certain that I cannot take that other once life-saving med again, I know this from my experience. Of the bottle of 60 that he wrote for 1 mo. with two renewals on it and way back in Oct. of 2010, I've taken 13 total in all those months never refilling the prescriptions, due to the shocking VERY DIFFERENT effects it had on me following.

write down any medication you already take and dosages, before you call, so you can tell them easily when / if they ask.

Fortunately he was able to read this right from the paper/post that I had handed him.

I have phoned my Doctor in a bad emotional state on more than one occasion, but both the reception staff and the Doctors have always been very patient and understanding with me.

These people here at this office all were likewise with me as well. I was bothered/offended somewhat though only with what looked like pity in the eyes of one receptionist. Everyone else was great, including a relative on my husbands side that was the attendee nurse that I'd would have rather he not know anything. Because he was very kind even asking if he could take my blood pressure, rather then assuming he could and just going about it. All good people there.

And, believe me it was simply surprising that I even showed up for this appt. because the whole ride there I reserved the right to stop, call by cell and cancel the appt. I don't even know where the courage, strength and humility to walk through those doors came from yesterday.

In the mean time. Use all the grounding, and relaxation techniques you can think of.

And, yes I used lots and lots of grounding techniques on the day you said this, that 24 hr. period wait and the following morning while attempting and at the appt. I also used non-alcohol liquid cold medicine to get me through overnight before the appt. Though I haven't a cold, I was in need and deserving of some relief, so when I figured out that it addressed my pain, headache and sleep issues all in one, it made more sense for me to take that then to turn to that benzo. that can cause me harm. And, forturnately it worked to get me through to my early morning appt., but only after I did lose some consciousness while curled up in a ball panicking and screaming that evening.

 

[goingonhope]

but only after I did lose some consciousness while curled up in a ball panicking and screaming that evening.

This is exactly what I so much wanted to avoid, my vulnerability to triggers, panick results like this or like anything else. It was my daughter and son that were present to see it.

This type of thing in itself threatens to continue to fuel my most negative feelings toward the Doctor who either could not, or cared not, to even imagine or predict that her refusal to speak with me and punishment thereafter, and the other inactions and later misleading actions and instructions, would have a most negative impact upon me and my family; An increasing wave effect of unnessary stressors, great emotional distress and all around traumatic loss.

She simply didn't care, seemingly because in her narrow view of what was going on, I didn't deserve to speak with her, rather I deserved to be punished and put in time-out. And, why the fck she reassured me that exactly what I needed to do was opposite then what needed to be done, I absolutely will never know.

 

[goingonhope]

Schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist in person if you can. Tell him/her that you feel like your overall stress level is snowballing to the point that you're afraid it may cause you to break down, or something like that.

Though I must look for another psychiatrist with an, 'if at first I don't succeed try, try again' attitude, my experiences teaches me that too many psychiatrists spend to little time finding out enough to make any fairly good decisions. I can't stand that they keep a person coming back over and over and over, for 20 min. tops if one is lucky. It scares me that premature decisions get made even with too little information. And, that sometimes they read mental health records that are skewed by other doctors who have spent little to no time allowing for accurate info., or it having been recorded inaccurately. Occassionally my records received gross misrepresentations of what was really going on and reflected conclusions drawn in to little time, or simply having been assumed.

Anyway, I'm now noticing what I am doing here. I am talking myself out of trusting and finding another psychiatrist and this isn't going to be anywhat productive. Truth is I am very much afraid of psychiatrists, and I have too often gotten ticked off with the amounts of money they charge in relationship to receiving trusted services.

I am afraid of them because some don't always trust what they're told and what they 'must? see for themselves. Instead some follow what is suppose to be. Just one example is in March of last year I was prescribed Remeron for management of depression, anxiety and insomnia. When I told him that my depression was directly linked to my traumatic experience and that from my experience of following his orders and taking that Remeron, that I was becoming more and more deeply depressed and even disempowered as I was ceasing to be able to follow thru with any responsibilities, and many of which I could prior to taking the med, he told me that this isn't the way it's suppose to work.

I don't care how it's suppose to work, I care how it works. Anyhow I'll be giving psychiatry another shot, and why because I have little other choice.

The psychologist may equip you with some extra coping strategies for dealing with your stress so it doesn't just add fuel to your anxiety fire.

Currently I see a liscensed social worker who provides therapy, he is doing his best and has been providing me with support and some coping strategies, he is really present and this in itself is most helpful, because I'm not leaving my appt. with any transference whatsoever, (I think that's the word).

The other therapist I've seen, after my accident, dates backs some months ago, and he is a psychologist and apparently a trauma therapist. I don't really know what happened to end that, other then he too was seeing my son for other therapuetic needs and it all got to be too much time, money and conflict for me in boundary separations between my sons therapy and my own.

Ronin, thanks again for your comments and support and it has allowed me to see that I must give another psychiatrist a try even if I am afraid, was most aggravated with the last two, and haven't seen yet where they were able to help me much. I can't be being only offered medications that make me all the worse.

 

[goingonhope]

Sorry so long, esp when you're obviously feeling not at all well. I was just given this thing which works well ( and only use periodically for that awfull clumped muscle thing) so thought to mention it. Do take care.

When it comes to me seeing my GP I'd never have the balls to ask specifically for any particular medication; If I did think I knew something about a medicine, still I think a bit to neurotic asking specifically for it. I'm paranoid of a Doctor falsely assuming that I am a drug seeker, so all I can do is be honest and tell them the symptoms, if I can do so, and hopefully without me having minimized my experience of them. I never intend to minimize symptoms, it's that I forget and am intimidated also by not responding fast enough, when I suspect they anticipate or require a rapid response; It's not something I can always do.

As for the minimization again, I think neurotically, believing that others couldn't possibly believe me, they don't trust me and/or they think I'm exaggerating and/or making it up. So the way I've figured it, I've unwittingly practiced the habit of telling them so much and what they might wish or expect to hear; My experience in life is, and one too many times, that helping professions want to see, hear and believe what they ...'ought to'... or what they want to see, hear and believe, and not what's right in front of them. It's always done me a personal disservice to just speak openly and frankly. Hoping I'm making sense to someone other then myself.

Anyhow, anni I accepted what was given me Tramadol and Lorazapam. So far the Lorazapam has helped significantly, and enough that presently my anxiety and pain is manageable. That's all I really needed was a little of something that could help me decrease the pressure and agony I was in, because when that escalates its tragic and it feels like death, and all my feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and isolation make me feel like this stress, emotional and physical pain and oncoming Ptsd symptoms is going to last forever.

Anni, you take care, and hugs and thank you for your support! :)

 

[ronin47]

You're most welcome Hope. Believe it or not I can sympathize with your aversion to psychiatrists completely and entirely.

My therapy road started out extremely bumpy and on more than one occasion I was told that if I didn't want to take medications than I must "not really want to get better .":mad: I have no words to describe just how frustrating that is. The first time I met with an actual psychiatrist he spent all of maybe 20 minutes talking to me before diagnosing me with 3 different disorders (none of which were PTSD) and perscribing me 3 different medications. When I switched to a different medication manager she, at one point, said to me "Aren't you biploar?" Because apparently people on the combination of medications I was on usually have bipolar disorder.

I still marvel at the irony of it though, the way I met my current psychiatrist. I had stopped seeing the two nurses (one for counseling, one for medication), both of which were only marginally helpful, and stopped taking my medications. I was absolutely fed up with all the mental health professionals I'd seen that listened to themselves more than me. When I left for college again in January of '09 I swore up and down I would never talk to another doctor or therapist as long as I lived. I was, in my own words, "done with therapy."

However, when I got to college, I was hit with a string of stresses and obstacles I wasn't expecting and I felt myself slipping. I decided to phone the Wellness Center at my university and set up an appointment. I told myself, "I'll just try it one more time. I'll just have this one session with a therapist."

Well, after I poured out my story to to the psychologist I implied that I only wanted to do one session, and his response was, in a nutshell, "I don't think so. I'm going to help you whether you like it or not."

Things only got better from there. When I met with an MFT at the center she laughed outloud when I told her a previous counselor thought I was bipolar, satirically calling bipolar disorder, "The diagnosis for anyone who has trouble regulating emotion." My new therapist had me see another psychologist with a specialization in Psychological Assesment who evaluated me for six hours. It was she who diagnosed me with PTSD. And I was paired with the psychaitrist who came to the school once a week to do medication management.

He was wonderful. He interviewed me for two half-hour sessions, didn't diagnose me with anything to speak of, and, after giving me a few weeks to think about it, perscribed me one medication. He worked with me for over a year before we finally settled on the right dosage. Not to mentioned he referred me to physician who did a blood test and discovered I had a hypo active thyroid and started me on hormone replacement therapy.

Well, the moral to my long ramble here is that I totally understand what you're talking about when you say you're aprehensive about seeking psychiatrists, but I can say from personal experience that good doctors are out there, you've just got to find them. It's sort of like finding your husband or wife, it takes a lot of dating, a lot of disappointment, a lot of personal introspection, a lot of trial and error, and some shattered hearts, but once you find the one, it makes all the tribulations of searching well worth it.

 

[goingonhope]

Had started over and took the 'I must go in some order here' approach, otherwise I had been feeling like I was gonna puke.

vs. just talking about the problem itself, which seems to not have got you into a panic attack at all, or you haven't mentioned.

That's it, I just hadn't mentioned the all of it yet.

Where that 24hr. period went I'm not entirely sure. I was on and off the forum and avoiding my diary and avoiding writing about the problem because of how it threatens me.

I did talk some with my husband over the phone concerning my anxiety and pain and understanding (from experience) of this gonna get a whole lot worse. And, I told him how depressed I was that I was helpless to help myself, but our talk did need to be kept short as he was at work.

I believe that I needed and still need to control and manage myself, for the sake of my family, through not talking about it. Also I was just terrifed of escalating further in anxiety, and then the physical pain, fear, helplessness, flashbacks, depression, negative emotion and all night suffering that does follow. Ultimately I was becoming more and more frightened of losing control that I may end up creating some frightening scene at home or end up hospitalized.

I had taken my kids out for an early Chinese buffet supper; It fed us well and I was using it to perhaps calm me and ground me some as well. That first night (before my appt.) I also got a babysitter afterwards and my husband and I went out to a support group I attend. There I sat feeling half dead, but doing the best I could to be normal, until it was urgent that I leave quickly to the bathroom to cry. I didn't quite make it before sounds and heavy breathing were coming out my mouth. I did however calm myself and ground myself in the bathroom with water, elastic band and visuals.

Once outside and I had to do so more and pretty thouroughly so I took sneakers off and put hands in dirt and the other visuals, because I just was only barely aware of where I was.

At home that night, I broke down following a blood curdling screech in my ear, and after the same person was treating me/us and our surrounding belongings badly, while threatening to swing at me. I ended up somewhat hitting myself in the head and then curling up into a ball as far into the wall as I could go and just screaming.

Afterwards, I took no-alcohol, liquid cold medicine as this was all I trusted and thought that it might help me sleep while not allowing anything to escalate. Very fortunately it worked well, waking me up just in time for my appt. There were a number of hrs. filled with anxiety that next morning, before I actually was brave enough to take the medicine the doctor had prescribed me. My kids were in school, thank God, and my husband and I just dealt with it.

Dealing with it often means it getting worse, because my frustration at such high-anxiety times, with hearing anything the least bit uninformed, misguided, insensitive, antagonizing and especially irrational just worsens my anxiety; I will add that I am often able to manage my frustration levels through reasonable communication skills, but this approach and motive is not always understood or appreciated.

Sometimes communication can backfire as it can be overwhelming for him; And, It's like I end up feeling I must provide therapy and understanding while riddled with my own anxiety and he's not able to sustain interest in this. (I wonder why? :oops:) My husband becomes overwhelmed and just wants his thoughts and mine, and Everything To Stop. I sometimes end up feeling so incredibly guilty that I can't just make Everything going on for us just stop, and then I sometimes momentarily become confused and think, that if I were just dead then all stress and new stressors and the pain of too much, and certainly my disturbances with that Doctor any my now powerlessness to fix my face; It all would just go away and end and nobody could blame and burden me for their part in things, as well as accurately noticing mine, ...........plus inventing additional things to just blame me for, ...ever again.

 

[anni]

Hey Hope,

Oh MY that sounds familiar. I'm so sorry- which isn't the pity thing people here tend to speak of and loathe, it's 'been there'. I've taken my T to some neuro and ortho appointments pre-surgery for the same reasons-then had the ortho say " Did you think I blew you off last time, is that why you brought your therapist?" Well heck, it WAS but who is going to say that? Have to admit the only way I'd been able to ask for that med was because once an ER doc had written a script after one of the endless visits there, I'd found it incredibly helpful so was able to sort of mealy-mouth around with my PC until he 'suggested' it. Pain is pain is pain- I'm so angry at the genuine drug seekers out there whp have structured the present state of affairs, the shame and guilt of even bringing the dam subject up is inbearable.Lorazapam has been helpful with stopping some of that fist sized muscle grip. I'm glad you have that at least.

Please, the guilt, shame of others that they've heaped on us- the loop. Yes it would stop if we ceased to be here but oh my, it is not ours. Even what is- as in 'fault', well, there's nothing we can do about that except allow tomorrow to be better. That sounds 'pat' but it's not, it's just what is. Everyone is different-I do not know how each person goes about processing this. The T helped, to be sure- but I still have it. When it was at the point ( and could be again who knows ) where it's all there was some teeny seed of resentment, I think stopped me in the end from 'ceasing'. This is where it could get long so I will not but suffice to say this shame then guilt- no, in my head. I don't know how to evoke that turn-around for others, but it just is not ours and we can't own it anymore.Maybe I'm afraid of what to do with all the anger with a complete turn around, but for now it's just 'stop' and 'no, it's not mine, it's yours' and 'go the hell away and destroy elsewhere, I have children to raise'.

I'm sorry if it's not helpful, Hope.I hope it would be somewhat. The ceasing part, just have genuinely been there for the same reasons-to the point where I can feel this as I read it. Irresponsible to not at least say so, and at least attempt to convey something about why and how maybe I did not. Hopefully made some sense since this sort of thing is tough to put into words, you know? And certainly not as simple as words anyway.

Please do take care, for real and not just as a catch phrase of wrap-up to a long post here.I'll be thinking of you.

Anni

 

[goingonhope]

The urgent medicine is for urgent matters, including especially the unbelievable mess the ER Doctor left me with after having complicated the sh't out of my life;

The terrible physical pains in my shoulders/neck/upper back have all, at least for the time being passed. I have been free from the terrible part of it for nearly 5 days now; The rest of it, though it can get uncomfortable, I can somewhat reach back and massage and can manage with other little tricks like an orthopedic pillow, repositioniing myself and providing pressure to it. I imagine I could go the route of ice-packs to, ...this would be something new.

I did take one Tramadol since filling the prescription and because I didn't know enough to go to bed right away, I ended up stricken with the immediate need to do so. It made me awful queasy, dizzy, and with head vibrating; I had to kind of rock myself to sleep and unless urgent I will not be taking that stuff again.

My good news is that I believe that the 0.5 Ativan twice a day (day & night) for those first couple triggered days, and now I'm taking 1 at night as needed, really helped a great deal in doing something that released 85% of the physical pain I was suffering.

And, if triggered such again and it goes to far, I'm hoping I can rely on the Ativan to provide prevention and some damage control to my health and spare anyone else that might witness.

As for the ER Doc, I'm certain that challenging myself to holding all this in new perspective and looking better for the positivity in all of this will help some things some, but certain that this can only bring me so far, due to the countless disturbing links, and further most painful knowledge, that that awful experience has developed in my mind and emotions.

Some things should just be fully blind to the eyes, deaf to the ears and not understandable / processed through the mind and should just remain numb to all the sensibilities and throughout the entire experience, and those experiences to follow; - I know some are capable of taking such a route, and why is it that such people always seem to fair better in the end? You know along the lines of what you don't see, hear, understand, know or speak can't hurt you.

 

[anni]

This might seem too simple but have you tried laying on top of the plain old heating pad, too? I finally had to get one which turns itself off after 2 hours. Oh- and Capacin cream. Put it where the muscles are the worst. If you've got very fair, sensitive skin it's problematic but it works very, very well with the Ativan/Lorazapam thing. The mechanism is that it's made of pepper-as in hot peppers, and it disrupts the pain signals somewhat, if you can stand it for the first few minutes. Try a small patch first and see-worth it if you can, seriously. Maybe use gloves,or apply wth tissues then throw them away asap since TWICE then er-rubbed my sleep deprived eyes later and once..... used the 'ladies room'. Ahem.There's an 'ouch' which one doesn't wish to deal with then you're already at the limit, I can tell you!

Hard to process this other stuff when pain is screaming at one anyway. I could only ever sort of stick it somewhere for perhaps processing later. I'm glad the awful part of all of this is at least somewhat under control.