Disclosure In Therapy

[Adrienne12]

I have been in therapy for about 9 months now. I was unable to tell her everything that happened in person. She allowed me to write to her in emails which was helpful. I was able to get it all out without seeing the look on her face or anyone else's. Since then, I am unable to talk a lot about it in the actual sessions. I still feel disgusting and embarrassed. I say little things here and there but it is very difficult for me to talk about. It's been a long, slow process. She usually stays quiet and just lets me talk which I like because I feel like I have all the control.

I also kept the fact that I have RA from her. In past therapies, the RA took center stage and I never dealt with all the things that happened. I recently told her I was sick and she seemed OK but taken back like I had left this huge piece of the puzzle out. Thing is...I am sick of talking about the RA. I am on good medications. When I am in remissions, I run races, ice skate and play basketball. The RA is not what gives me nightmares and panic attacks.

I guess my question to all of you is how much do you disclose to your therapist? Was it wrong of me not to disclose being sick? Are you able to tell the details of your attack/rape etc.? Are you supposed to re-live it over and over in therapy in order to get better? I am just wondering if maybe I need a different kind of therapy instead of a person-centered approach.

 

[anthony]

Person centered therapy is not the type for trauma. It is extremely effective for exactly what you outlined... being you do the talking, they just help you get it out, you remain in control. Trauma therapy... different, and the counsellor must put input into the equation to help you, because that knowledge is not a technique, and you really need the knowledge component with the feedback loop.

Therapy is hard... simple as that. Nobody really wants to go ditch all their deepest, darkest secrets to a stranger. But the thing is... is at what point do you help yourself by just letting your inhibitions of control go, and dump it all to a perfect stranger and hopefully they can help you make sense of it?

Trauma therapy is not about living in the past either, because the past is just that... its happened and there is nothing you can do to change it. But the therapist must know the entire past in order to understand the present complications. So you need to get it out atleast once, whether that be write it all down and send it to them, or talk to them face to face.

You wrote yours down, but if the person is not a trauma therapist, then all they are doing is being an empathetic listener, which is not what trauma therapy is about. Its a requirement, but the therapist must push at the client in order to get them accepting the trauma, acknowledging what happened, and reviewing how to change current thoughts that are negatively affecting you. Trauma therapy is like a two way classroom. Whilst teacher and student is not how PCT works, it does have components of validity and requirement in trauma therapy at points, but more about letting the person choose which option is best for them, and giving it a shot themselves, not stuffing one way down their throat, like a teacher student normally would... and this is how the client decision is put back into the trauma therapy process.

Right now, I would say the most important aspect you are missing, is the feedback loop. Your not getting it from PCT... and lets be honest, thats not what PCT is about either.

You need to be with a CBT therapist.

 

[Adrienne12]

I have been in other therapies prior to this one. I experienced transference in both of those which happened to be cognitive approaches. I guess I chose the whole Rogerian style in hopes of eliminating any feelings of transference. Which I was able to achieve. I can honestly say I do not feel anger, annoyance or frustration towards her. I find that negative transference in therapy has always been a reason for me dropping out prematurely.

However, you are correct. I do realize there is something just not right about this therapy for me. I had hoped maybe PCT helped some trauma victims because I spent the last 9 months building trust with her. Thank You for the feedback. I will look into CBT and maybe give it another try.

 

[anthony]

I find that negative transference in therapy has always been a reason for me dropping out prematurely.

Transference is part and parcel of trauma therapy... its something that should be openly discussed all the time. Clients become from frustrated and pissed off with the therapist, to wanting to jump their bones or the belief they love them. Therapy is an intimate environment, but has professional boundaries, which any good therapist will always keep. The best way IMHO, is to keep transference discussion as an open cue in every and any session, any time.

A trauma therapist should be pissing you off to be perfectly honest, because if they aren't, then they aren't pushing at you to improve yourself. It is human nature that we stop when things get a bit tough... and a therapist job is to help us push ourselves, which often results in us blaming them for how we feel... but that is part of the process.

 

[Adrienne12]

You are right. I usually just get pissed and quit. I never brought up the fact that I actually felt angry with them. I always felt transference gave the therapist some kind of "God" like control. You have to admit that there are therapists out there who use positive transference to meet their own needs to feel loved or important.

I never looked at it from your point of view.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Ok, but what do you actually *say*? "That question makes me feel angry...AT YOU!" ?

Feels so....juvenile. But, maybe I need juvenile....

 

[anthony]

Therapy should feel like walking into a room of complete honesty. Honesty is sometimes aggressive, because to be honest you can absolutely be aggressive, however; therapy is not about being aggressive towards one another, but being honest completely is like removing a gaping void from between you both. Social etiquette causes a certain stigma with honesty... and that is what should be removed in therapy.

If you get pissed off, then say it... but also acknowledge that sometimes you need to be pissed off to find reason. You shouldn't blame your therapist for being pissed off, but instead acknowledge that you are. That is the difference.

None of us can read minds... so that kind of only leave communication to know what a person is thinking!

 

[BloomInWinter]

Ok, I'm going to try telling him what I'm actually feeling if I can manage to identify it at the time....before therapy, I was on a 20 yr feelings delay, but now I think I'm down to hours later.

*ulp.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Adrienna,
It took me a lot of work to get to the point where I could be honest about being upset with my t in therapy. I knew I should be but it was terribly difficult to be. Impossible.
Maybe this bout of therapy has helped you move forward to the point where you can do the CBT and trauma therapy. It may have had a use after all even if it took a time.

I initially found CBT problematic. Not because of the trauma stuff - I was not able to get anywhere near that. Just the interpersonal stuff that stood between me and doing that CBT trauma work. I had no self awareness and felt things as judgments without being able to verbalise or be aware of that and I could not therfore express that to my t. Without knowing why I spiralled into more and deeper self hatred. I can deal with it now though, after having had other therapy. I am now starting to face the trauma stuff.

If you feel more grounded you may be able to go back and do it now but as others have said honestly is key. Your feelings are your feelings.
Transferance can be a helpful tool in therapy IF THE PERSON tells the therapist what he/she is feeling/experiencing. If the t can't help you through that afterwards then they may not be with the correct one for you.
Make sure it is a proper trauma therapist though.
Good luck.

 

[Abstract]

Bloom. If you mean you are not able to know what you feel or think in the moment or for a long time after, I identify a lot. It took an awful lot of t to get me to change that .
One can't communicate something you dont understand and are not aware of.
Maybe I misunderstood you though.

On honesty:
I found what helps is to start it from your perspective and avoid "you" words if you want to keep it feeling less confrontational.
"That had me feeling as if I was being criticised". "I felt anger in reaponse to that."

 

[anthony]

The thing people need to always remember about therapists, is that most are just as scared as you are when meeting you for the first time. They are human, thus fallible.

Therapist is a job, its not a lifestyle. Its no different to any job, in that you put a face on to work, then you may have a completely different one away from the office. Most actually do... its a form of compartmentalization that everyone utilizes in life between work and home.

Then you add to this, daily mood, both parties... that can affect specific dynamics on a given day / session.

I honestly believe this is the biggest losing factor about therapy, being the room environment. Its not comfortable, its not natural, therefor people aren't themselves. Bust out of rooms, go walking and talking, something that makes you feel comfortable so you open-up and chat away.

Point: options, options, options.... they are all around us, you just have to find them and use them.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Maybe I misunderstood you though.

On honesty:
I found what helps is to start it from your perspective and avoid "you" words if you want to keep it feeling less confrontational.
"That had me feeling as if I was being criticised". "I felt anger in reaponse to that."

First, you understood me perfectly! Thanks for that! Feel so scattered right now surprised I'm making any sense.

Second...THIS would work for me! I've never thought of doing that! I think I can actually deal with this now...not just in therapy but in life!

Man...SO GRATEFUL for this forum!