Can Ptsd Make Us Dumb?

[Philippa]

Thanks Anthony. It's helpful to become clear about these things. I think I was just allowing my brothers thinking to get to me. He knows I'm pretty smart, but when I'm around him I just do the dumbest things and say the dumbest things too...it's like I have a disease or something;)...but really I think it's just knowing that any little thing I do or say is fodder for him to exploit, which makes me nervous, and then I end up doing dumb stuff or saying stupid things.

I've noticed that he has become more and more like my father the more we grow. It seems like the only way he can feel good about himself is if he is being mean or making me feel bad about myself. I've learnt that no one has the power to 'make' me feel anything though, so I am much better at standing up to him, though I still end up thinking about what I 'should have, could have, would have" said, hours later, when it's all over. It's very frustrating, and it's hard to watch him become more like dad...but that's life. We all become like our parents in some way...which I find personally terrifying.

 

[anthony]

I've learnt that no one has the power to 'make' me feel anything though

I would disagree with that statement actually, and if that is what you believe, that is part of the problem. Other people can and do make us very much feel things we don't want too.

so I am much better at standing up to him, though I still end up thinking about what I 'should have, could have, would have" said, hours later, when it's all over.

If you feel threatened by this person, then it is correct to be passive with them, because you feel that for safety sakes any discussion would go better assuming that behavior. There is nothing wrong with that actually, if your body is telling you asserting yourself is going to threaten you.

What I would say though, is that if it is a feeling of being threatened, ie. if your father abused you and your brother is becoming that way as well, then even being passive will fail you soon and you may place yourself in danger.

It is actually quite complicated overall, and requires much more detail, but the above is a basic outline for you to think about on what applies exactly to you and your situation mentioned. All behaviour types have a time and place. Again, depends if what you are saying is that your father was abusive and now your brother is becoming such, reading between the lines, or whether that is completely wrong.

 

[Philippa]

I would disagree with that statement actually, and if that is what you believe, that is part of the problem. Other people can and do make us very much feel things we don't want too.

I think in some situations this is true...but not all. Maybe I am just having a delayed response to that scenario then, because I didn't feel anything like humiliated at the time...I was more just passive, and at times, stood up to him to let him know that when he was trying to blame me for the dysfunction in our family, I did not accept or buy his version of reality, and did not feel bad like he wanted me to...at least, not at the time. I did feel bad about a day later...delayed reaction.

If you feel threatened by this person, then it is correct to be passive with them, because you feel that for safety sakes any discussion would go better assuming that behavior. There is nothing wrong with that actually, if your body is telling you asserting yourself is going to threaten you.

Yes, I think this is what was going on for me. I am practising just letting him say what he thinks without taking it on as my own stuff. There is nothing I can say to convince him otherwise until he is willing to accept some responsability for his own dysfunctional communication style though.

What I would say though, is that if it is a feeling of being threatened, ie. if your father abused you and your brother is becoming that way as well, then even being passive will fail you soon and you may place yourself in danger.

I am starting to realize this, though how can I tackle the issue of when I am in a place of self-abuse, where I deliberately put myself in harms way because I feel like I deserve to be punished?

It is actually quite complicated overall, and requires much more detail, but the above is a basic outline for you to think about on what applies exactly to you and your situation mentioned. All behaviour types have a time and place. Again, depends if what you are saying is that your father was abusive and now your brother is becoming such, reading between the lines, or whether that is completely wrong.

Thankyou. It is very complicated, and I think it's been exacerbated by my attendance at this other PD forum, where one of the most influential people there is an NLP practitioner, who has been consistently drumming it into all our heads that we can choose how we feel at any given time and do not have to feel anything we don't want to feel...which I have some confusion about, though a part of me would like to think this is true, another part of me is actually scared to operate this way...it sounds so robotic.

I think it may have caused more harm than good in this case?

I will think over what you said though.

 

[anthony]

I did not accept or buy his version of reality, and did not feel bad like he wanted me to...at least, not at the time. I did feel bad about a day later...delayed reaction.

Then you have it spot on actually... apart from the delayed reaction aspect... which will improve with more work over time. Well done.

I am practising just letting him say what he thinks without taking it on as my own stuff.

That is using assertiveness correctly. Well done again.

self-abuse, where I deliberately put myself in harms way because I feel like I deserve to be punished?

That is the problem, nothing more. That is through behavioural change, understanding the deeper logic.

NLP practitioner

NLP is not a trauma therapy; never has been; never will be, regardless a minority who try and turn it into one to try and gain traction with it. It was never designed to treat anything other than self confidence. NLP is a business application technique for learning how to communicate more effectively. Yes, improved communication can greatly assist us all in the workplace and life in general, no doubt about it. Here is the big HOWEVER though... when you have traumatic underlying aspects, this completely complicates something like NLP being used on such people, because they are not starting with what is otherwise deemed socially normal behaviours, they are instead dealing with significantly tainted behavior, and the NLP practitioner, having no real therapy training, does not understand this and instead see it as a sign of their failure, so they enforce and turn more into a cult type behaviour that they must succeed and chance you.

Very dangerous and hence why NLP is not a trauma therapy type. Its name is also completely deceiving, as neuroimaging during NLP shows no brain activity in any required places for traumatic memory.

 

[Philippa]

Then you have it spot on actually... apart from the delayed reaction aspect... which will improve with more work over time. Well done.

That is using assertiveness correctly. Well done again.

That is the problem, nothing more. That is through behavioural change, understanding the deeper logic.

Thankyou anthony. It felt like I handled it ok...apart from being there in the first place of course.

NLP is not a trauma therapy; never has been; never will be, regardless a minority who try and turn it into one to try and gain traction with it. It was never designed to treat anything other than self confidence. NLP is a business application technique for learning how to communicate more effectively.

I agree with this totally.

Yes, improved communication can greatly assist us all in the workplace and life in general, no doubt about it. Here is the big HOWEVER though... when you have traumatic underlying aspects, this completely complicates something like NLP being used on such people, because they are not starting with what is otherwise deemed socially normal behaviours, they are instead dealing with significantly tainted behavior, and the NLP practitioner, having no real therapy training, does not understand this and instead see it as a sign of their failure, so they enforce and turn more into a cult type behaviour that they must succeed and chance you.

This has been my experience with this particular woman, so yes, I can see how it can be dangerous when the traumatized person may start to think that the NLP practitioner can "save" them or make them all better, thus building up expectations and hopes that may not be realistic to start with, and then the NLP person, who may be very well meaning, and I think this person is, does not really know what she/he is dealing with, and can start to get a bit of an ego trip going where they have helped so many people, and feel so good about themselves when they do that they don't see why they cannot help that person with ptsd as well, and I have heard her say in the past that there are certain NLP techniques which are effective for helping with ptsd...so that may be dangerous advertising there?

Very dangerous and hence why NLP is not a trauma therapy type. Its name is also completely deceiving, as neuroimaging during NLP shows no brain activity in any required places for traumatic memory.

I didn't realize that.

 

[OKRADLAK]

No, i t does not make you dumb. But I think it can absorb your thoughts sometimes to where it is hard to think clearly from alll the confusion!

I think that in certain cases, those who self medicated can for a while harm the brain, but I think they can get that back when they are able to stop.

I think it can open your mind, actually, to many concepts you never would have considered. Most people I know with PTSD are rather deep and profound souls.

 

[Philippa]

I just read over this thread, after a year or more, and it's still very relevant to where I am at, though I don't think I am placing myself in many situations where I am desiring a kick in the face, so I guess that is progress.

It's still helpful to read everyones input.

Thanks again everyone.

 

[saffy]

You brother needs to be a bit more sensitive I think. :rolleyes:

I don't think it makes you dumb but I think it can affect your concentration and focus. I also beleive that sometimes sufferers can be over sensitive to things and take it very personally. I am not condoning what your brother did infromt of his mates there was no need for it.

But yes I've done things like that in the past and later thought what the hell was I thinking.

Saffy :)

 

[Philippa]

He IS sensitive deep down, but he's just been brainwashed by all the macho crap about men having to be tough all the time, and thinks softness and sensitivity are "gay". Waiting for him to become more sensitive though...hell might freeze over before that happens.:rolleyes:

I can't really blame him for it though...he had my father as a role model, and watched him do the same thing to my mother growing up.

 

[saffy]

Learnt by example then :( It's hard nowdays with the peer pressure.

Still it sounds like he has issues of his own, in which case you must try not to take his taunts personally, but rather see it as a reflection of his behaviour and attitude at the moment. Hopefully he will get it sorted and grow up. ;)

Best wishes Phillipa :)

Saffy

 

[Philippa]

Thankyou saffy.

I do recognize his behavior to be stemming from his own stuff yeah, which is why I still occasionally go and see him. I think I manage quite well mostly without taking it onboard, but I still find him unpleasant to be around after a certain point...like a friend you can only take in small doses.

 

[saffy]

Thankyou saffy.

like a friend you can only take in small doses.

we can choose our friends but not our families eh ;)

You are doing great not to let it really get to you though, that shows inner strength and understanding , you should give yourself credit for that :)

Hugs
Saffy :)