Managing Ptsd By Changing Our Perception?

[Tinyflame]

It occurred to me today, that over and above triggers, my underlying baseline of current feelings, and my perception of myself and surroundings, has been one that includes the emotions of past traumas- not fear but terror, not depression but despair, not anger but rage, not abandonment but massive loss, not worry but a fear of indescribable horror, not self-disappointment but self-hatred, etc. Nothing 'sure' and nothing and no one 'safe'.
Thus everything- myself- is seen also as hopeless, unlovable, defective, damaged-beyond-repair. Because I never 'leave' the trauma, no matter what I think. Not just the memories of it (instrusive thoughts, etc- the obvious), but the perception I'm in it.

I have always thought triggers were the issue, and they are, as well, but I think that the baseline I live with daily is so enmeshed in what I have experienced, that I have not even been aware of that being the explanation for what I experience, including the ongoing feeling of a lack of safety, or my perception of being a burden. My system is so wound up I can rarely live through normal days without doing it from the perception that I am back 'there', but I'm not 'back there'. Not just the stress cup analogy- though that is very true and accurate- but also at the best of times never getting 'out' of where I was.

For example, it seems to me, the greater the mistrust/ violation(s), doesn't it just make sense that the greater the fear/ mistrust, not just from past experiences but 'feeling' like this ('now') is the 'same' time, the 'same' place, the 'same' people, the 'same' circumstances/ lack of resources, age, etc? What I mean is, not just the fall-out from past experiences as being the root issue, but the current perception 'fooling' our brains that nothing has changed? But we have changed, as have our environments, the people around us, our ability to make choices for ourselves, our abilities to seek out help, etc.

It made me think, as regards the DSM saying PTSD will no longer be under the grouping of an 'anxiety' disorder, but a traumatic one.

I realize there are current traumatic or life-threatening moments which still occur, but I have been so busy pulling myself together regarding the triggers etc, that perhaps learning and accepting what is different now, could be a key? Perhaps the triggers themselves will lessen, if one can recognize and live within the positive differences of the present?

I am sorry if this isn't clear, I'm just wondering what others think about this, and hope someone can give their feedback.

Maybe 'we can't get over it', because we 'can't get out of it'?
-But maybe we can?

 

[anthony]

Thus everything- myself- is seen also as hopeless, unlovable, defective, damaged-beyond-repair. Because I never 'leave' the trauma, no matter what I think. Not just the memories of it (instrusive thoughts, etc- the obvious), but the perception I'm in it.

I tend to think you hit it on the head here... and I agree with everything you pretty much wrote then.

You can read in that quote, what you have become... this is why treating symptoms is useless, because its not the symptoms that are the problem, its the underlying trauma.

To put it really simply, the underlying trauma has become the new you. A traumatic event is just that, a traumatic event, but the impact it has on you uniquely is what shapes and changes you, your personality, your entire being. This being is what creates symptoms now, as you stated, you become focused on the trauma, perpetually creating the symptoms. I will clearly emphasize though, that is for the most part, not for the entire of PTSD itself.

If a person with PTSD did nothing other than work on both theoretical and practical exercises to build their self esteem, their self confidence, they would see a significant reduction in symptoms. At that point... you then add into the equation, processing the trauma, and suddenly you have little symptoms overall, just PTSD and its residual nastiness. That left over is different for everyone again... and then whether medication is used or not.

So yes... change your perception, which is in essence, changing who you have become, from a negative to a positive, self confident person again... symptoms will reduce significantly.

How you do it is irrespective IMO... trauma first or self esteem / confidence... the end result is a new perception on yourself, which greatly enhances the outcome. This is where relapse tends to give people a good whack over the head and sometimes breaks that self confidence... because they get ill again, and think they have done bad or poorly, which chips into self esteem. When in fact, there is nothing else they can do accept acknowledge and accept its part of the process, and the less you become consumed within relapse periods, the faster you recover and get on with daily life again.

Nice read Junebug... certainly got the brain active.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Anthony, -if I did it's thanks to you and this forum, too. :)
You're doing something incredible with your life- thank you.

And Anthony- have you noticed something weird? That now, for anything potentially currently life-endangering, there is no (appropriate) fear there? I think this may be the brain's way of circumventing how it felt in the past, for me, anyway, maybe to not experience it again? I have to learn to 'get things straight', and truly based on reality.

-Thank you for your wisdom and help!

 

[Jestadud]

And Anthony- have you noticed something weird? That now, for anything potentially currently life-endangering, there is no (appropriate) fear there? I think this may be the brain's way of circumventing how it felt in the past, for me, anyway, maybe to not experience it again? I have to learn to 'get things straight', and truly based on reality.

Wow Junebug as always I think others can put things into words so much better than me, it would have taken me a couple of pages to try to describe what you have just written in two lines.

Quote= "There is no (appropriate) fear there". So learn to live with that feeling, you can live without that fear just be careful not to replace it with another.

 

[Ted Moen]

Maybe we can, Junebug.

I like to think that more or less normal people have more or less normal memories. Memories they can recall if they choose, or not. Memories that don't intrude. Memories that don't generate nghtmares and other symptoms. We have some more or less normal memories. Some are even nice, pleasureable. We also have traumatic memories, and everything that comes with traumatic memories.

In group I used to tell people I was making friends with my traumatic memories. I don't think that any amount of therapy can turn a traumatic memory into a more or less normal memory. They will always be very real, very intense when they pass through. But the traumatic memories can be reframed. We can choose which aspect of the memory we focus on as it passes. And the intense feeling can be managed. We can choose how we behave while the memory passes.

And as we learn to reframe the memories and manage our behavior in our current situation as the memories pass our focus shifts to getting our current needs met in our current situation. And as we gain confidence in our ability to behave appropriately and get our current needs met in our current situation our self esteem grows. We find ourselves participating in activities and relationships and finding joy in life.

One activity I am really coming to enjoy is participating in this forum. It is a safe place to share thoughts and feelings while my "old friends" (traumatic memories) are passing. Otherwise I would be left trying to stuff the passing feelings and trying to force myself into participating in my current situation and that doesn't work well as we all learn along the way.

((((Hugs))))

Ted

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, I think that is so true, and why I guess it's so critical to face it and let it pass (NO DENIAL/ stuffing).

And I so agree, some of these memories are horrific, but I guess accepting that is part of not denying them.

I think what is an eye-opener to me, is how much my body and mind has been living right in the moment of crisis, without my awareness of it. It explains much to me, of how and why I felt I have lost my identity and I have no clear indication where the ptsd stops and I begin.
Even as Anthony said, the ptsd left over and it's after-effects I can safely manage, but I think it has been nearly impossible existing in a perpetual crisis-mode. I was one of those people too whom a major setback equated in my mind to it being 'bad', wrong and hopeless, -because after all that requires asking for help.

And Jesta- you are so right- to not exchange fears in an endless circle, -so easy to fall into!!

I am really glad you find participating in the forum that way Ted, as I do and about the people and information and help on it. You are all so very dear to me. :notworthy::inlove:

(((Hugs, + +)))

 

[anthony]

I like to think that more or less normal people have more or less normal memories. Memories they can recall if they choose, or not. Memories that don't intrude. Memories that don't generate nightmares and other symptoms. We have some more or less normal memories. Some are even nice, pleasurable. We also have traumatic memories, and everything that comes with traumatic memories.

Here is what many miss about memories, good, bad or indifferent... it has nothing to do with the actual memory itself, it is only about the emotional context being held to the memory which allows us to hold onto the memory. Positive or negative emotion will create this affect, however; negative memories haunt vs. positive memories become a choice. The more you replace negative emotion with positive, change your perception of the reality of events, the easier you let go, just like most memories naturally dissipate quite quickly unless there is significant emotional attachment to it.

99% of people could not accurately recollect what they did last week, unless there is an emotional connection to an event. You can even prove this to yourself, by writing down everything you do for one day, and I mean everything, from waking to going to sleep. Put that away for a week, going about life as usual. Then try and write down what you did that day, and compare it to what you had put away from actual events as you did them during your day. Unless there was an emotional connection to something in the day, you are less likely to remember it.

Sure, you could pick, wokeup, went to sleep, had breakfast, etc... they are habitual daily habits, just like waking up the same time every day, if you do so... repeat and put it away a month, then see how much you remember vs. what you wrote. Memory is subjective at best... and memories require an emotional attachment typically, otherwise we don't remember them because they are not of significance to us.

Remove the significance as much as possible, you remove many of the symptoms... and are left with just good old, PTSD anxiety and some bouts of depression at times. Residual effects that will remain for life... but they don't impede you doing thing and participating in life itself more than you do now.

If you enjoyed going to watch your child play sport, or did something with them... or your partner, or something that made you feel good or bad... these are emotional attachments. This is what we hold onto which stores snippets of our lives for recollection. Ever sat there and watched a home movie with you in it and not remember doing the things you did? This is memory being subjective!

Unfortunately, bad things have negative emotional attachments, and they are harder to forget than positive attachments, as human behaviour depicts negativity over positivity. Ask people to find 10 good and bad things about themselves, they will usually find the 10 bad easily, struggling to find the 10 good.

 

[Abrasky]

I find that some of the memories happened 6 months after my PTSD, to a few years after it seem to build on the PTSD, but after that it seemed to taper off a bit, so I was 'stuck' in that trauma time during my PTSD and any events after of before it up to about a year after. I think it is interesting how not all time is picked up, but just the bits related to the traumatic event. So much of my PTSD was around the time when I am 9 even though I didn't get PTSD then because my PTSD started after 2 traumas that happened when I was 19.

I think that fear for me was more at the beginning of my treatment than now. I started of agoraphobic because of this undescribable fear. Now I look back from a less fearful position, I had about 200 more triggers 12 years ago than now. I think the fear was all the triggers combined overloading my flight fight or flee mechanisms in my brain more than a specific memory or flashback.

It is possible to disarm the triggers though. I am afraid of many less things now. I am surprised by how many things 2 PTSD traumas made me fearful of. (About 200-more triggers) These are strange triggers too. Like things that aren't in the dictionary like a feeling of raw ( a bit like an american going out in a wagon to start a new life in indian territory.) I have a trigger of editing things. Funny trigger I haven't got that one yet.

I wonder if the mechanism for stopping the brain remember things also blocks the parts of the brain that experience emotions. Because emotions are a bit like memories too.

 

[anthony]

Emotions are tricky, I must give you that Maze! A feeling, an urge, a pain... many things, then we assign a word too them. Once that word is assigned, that is the tricky part to forget.

Very interesting point.... :tup:

 

[Abrasky]

Thanks Anthony. I didn't know what I was talking about really. Just going blah blah blah. I like the idea of forgetting when there is a word to it.

 

[Jestadud]

To me The Wounded Healer article goes cap in hand with this discussion , so if anyone hasn't read it I recommend it.
It is about passing through the trauma and coming out the other side, I can apply it to my own trauma and feel sure others could apply it to their own.

My simple example of this would be:- You are trapped in a room (or cave) with a high ceiling that is flooding, there is a tunnel under the water but you don't know where it goes or how long it is, you wait hoping for rescue until your only hope is to swim through the tunnel.
You swim down to the tunnel, lungs bursting you swim through the dark tunnel then with the heart pounding you clear the tunnel and thrash your way to the surface to gasp in some air.

Where is your mind after this, some might have left it in the room (cave) with the fear and the threat. Some might have left it in the swim through the tunnel with the fear and ordeal. Yet some will have it with them through the fear to survival.

This is now a learnt experience and should you ever be so unlucky as to find yourself in a similar situation, you can recognise the dangers quicker, accept the fear and know that the sooner you start swimming the less swimming you have to do.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, -jesta, that is a very powerful (and true and accurate) analogy. -Learning how to survive.

I was thinking, too, just as surviving something you shouldn't, if you do the response could be one of gratitude, amazement, celebration.