At My Rope's End

[Walt Hardester]

I am 100% service connected for PTSD and most of the time I get along ok, except for nightmares.
I can be sure I will have them If I don't self-medicate to the point where I just pass out instead of go to sleep.
My real problem is this:
Instead of just going to sleep, I turn into somebody else and take out all of my pent up issues on my lady.
I am verbally abusive to her and don't remember it the next day. I will wake up thinking all's well and she is hurt, pissed,and very frustrated with me. She does understand I have PTSD, but of course my behavior is wearing thin.
I love her and don't want to lose her.
OK, the easy answer is to not drink, but even if I don't drink it doesn't stop the fight or flight feelings, it only buries them deeper.
I need help because this pattern has repeated itself many times. It is almost like I am subconciously trying to sabatoge my relationships. I'm really tired of this and would like feedback before I am completely done with it all.

 

[BigBear]

Walt, I'm glad you're here! I hope you find help here.

Have you considered sleeping separately? Have you asked your T about medications?

Bear

 

[Lionheart]

OK, the easy answer is to not drink, but even if I don't drink it doesn't stop the fight or flight feelings, it only buries them deeper.

Drinking alcohol will mess up your sleep patterns. It would be better if you were on a medication for nightmares such as Prazosin, which is a blood pressure medication that is prescribed for PTSD nightmares. I have had good results with this medication and there is also klonopin which is sometimes used for your problem. I wish you luck in getting your problem solved!!!

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Walt,

Welcome to the forum.

I don't want to preach, but alcohol in excess is not the answer. I seriously suggest that you seek some professional help, from a psychiatrist, or psychologist. Or perhaps, you have counsellors at work? I can only begin to imagine how hard it is for you to admit there is a problem, but you have said so here, so sincerely well done. :tup:

But you now need to move on to the next step and get some help. And the first step would be to stop abusing alcohol. Only you know how much you are drinking, and whether its a habit to help you sleep or a real problem. Either way, please speak to a doctor about it, who may be able to help you with sleeping tablets, or something. I don't know.

Then you need to start confronting your trauma(s), with a therapist, again perhaps your doctor or work can put you in touch with a specialist trauma therapist.

I'm pretty sure that all this will sound scary to you right now, but seriously, it is what you need to do.

Have a good read around the forums, and the 'Wiki' section. You will see that I am right. It will be scary, and a very rocky road, but we will all be here to support you along the way.

All the best to you
CB

 

[Walt Hardester]

Thanks Cherry Blossom,
Alcohol is a symptom of an inability to deal with the anxiety disorder that my issue brings.
I am thinking still that with all my accomplishments I still have a self esteem issue.
This link will give you an idea of who I am, Thanks for caring.

Walt