I Feel Stuck Where I'm at in Healing Process

[Josh77]

Hello, everyone:hello:
Maybe someone can help me; i need some feedback. I feel like I'm stuck where i'm at in the healing process!! I feel like i'm not moving forward, yet i'm not moving backward; i'm just stuck!! Can someone suggest what my next step should be? i have been putting off writing that goodbye letter to my late wife for fear of what feelings will come up!! Could this be my next step even though it has nothing to do with the trauma that caused my PTSD? Or is there something else i should be doing? Someone please reply and try to help me out for i'm not sure what to do next. Thank you,
Josh:dont-know

 

[becvan]

Yes Josh, that would be a great next step. With PTSD, you have to do with any and all trauma in your life. Just because it wasn't the cause of the PTSD doesn't mean it isn't affecting it. As Anthony puts it, all our pain feeds our PTSD. Your fear of writing your letter is a good indication of your need to face this.

Bec

 

[Josh77]

Thanks, Bec

Thank you for replying with your feedback so quickly! I will take your advice and write that letter; i'm just afraid that i'll have a breakdown:crybaby: :think: :loopy: if i can't handle the feelings and if the forgotten memories come back (i have memory gaps of the night my wife died). But, it needs to be done!! Thanks again for the feedback.

Have a blessed day,:hello:
Josh

 

[becvan]

Josh, if you have a breakdown (emotionally) you probably need to! You need to greive for your wife. Feeling those emotions and expressing them are part of the healing process. Although this may seem frightening or excessive, it's not. It's part of a natural, human process to greive for our loved ones. Completely normal. Give yourself permission to feel everything!!!

Bec

 

[Josh77]

thank you, Bec. Sometimes we need people to point these things out for us because we can't see things for what they really are at the time... i haven't let myself grieve for her, yet.
Josh

 

[sibemom]

My therapist told me that in order to continue to move forward you almost have to hurt MORE. Writting that letter may trigger a breakdown but once you come back from it, you might see a clearer picture. There are actually alot of things that I have not let me self greive over, and I know when I get to that point it is going to be very rough, but I have to get there. Just by you asking the questions of how you can move forward is something that will help you to continue the healing process.

 

[Marlene]

Josh,

You may write that letter and breakdown or you may not remember anything else about the night your wife died. You may get memories that come back in bits and pieces. When I finally grieved my father's death, it took me most of a month of talking and crying for a lot of memories to come back. Every time I talked (mainly to family and friends) about it, a little bit more memory would come back. I've read that our brains are hardwired to protect us from memories that would hurt us and that as we get stronger, things start coming back to us.

The one thing that my ex-therapist told me that actually made sense was that when we fall apart, we get to put ourselves back together how we want. Being scared of the falling apart...yeah, I've been there. And there are still areas in my life that I have to deal with that scare the hell out of me, but I know I have to get to them and deal with them in order to heal.

Talk to your therapist about writing a 'verbal letter' to your wife while your in his/her office. That way, you know there's someone there you trust to support you if you do breakdown. Maybe it would be easier if you're not alone.

((((Hugs)))) Josh...I know how hard it is to grieve a loved one. But you have to do it in order to go forward with your life. Otherwise you stay stuck where you are.

 

[Josh77]

thanks for all of the feedback, everyone!!

Josh

 

[Terry]

Good luck little buddy. Got your back. I learned something reading this too. All my training and all you guys still teach me something everytime I log on.

 

[becvan]

Josh, I just wanted to add a thought before I lose it again. Grieving can be difficult because it can be a fear of letting your loved one go. Grieving can be feared because we are saying good-bye. Sometimes we forget that our loved ones always stay with us in the way that they touched our lives and our hearts. No amount of pain can take that away. This could be part of your relcutance to greive... give it some thought..

Bec

 

[anthony]

Hey Josh... have you written that letter yet? If not, why not?

 

[Josh77]

Because I'm scared.