I'm sorry you are going through this. Thanks for sharing. You're in my thoughts and prayers. The traumatic symptom of the chills has been dogging me.You are so sweet @the10thleper319 to ask. Not so hot. Putting us through hoops and don't have the energy to wash my face most nights. But lucky to be off today. Need to try to get much done but can barely lift a fork lol. I hope you are ok , I haven't had time to read. Hugs to you++ !!
! I hope the roller coater means we are actually processing the trauma rather than being numbed by it
Wow! Thank you for your insight and input! My trauma therapist is using IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems Therapy) and yesterday we uncovered a partial source for the anxiety and avoidance of me doing simple and favored tasks. This goes to your statement aboutHI @the10thleper319 I have wanted to add something and finally have a chance, just not sure if it's helpful but I will anyway.
I don't really relate to an emotional rollercoaster, but I do relate to the tenuous feeling of how easy it seems to get knocked down or back, with disappointment or fear or shame etc. Or to be triggered. But they all come back to thoughts/ beliefs/ fear// perspective/ memories/ doubt. I try now when I feel confusion, and that can include not trusting my own self or perception, to try to refuse to go down that ptsd-rabbit hole. That is I see it as a sign to stop thinking/ wondering/ doubting etc, to be neutral.
I say this only as I know you have expressed faith in something/ someone greater, and the way I look at is basically I control virtually nothing. Or rather most things are out of my control or unknown. Of course, everyone has to go by their own experiences. But when all is said and done I don't control others' perceptions or choices, I can't protect anyone of just my own volition, Idk what anyone wants or is best for them, and I most certainly can't control the happenings daily and mandates not in my power. Not saying it in a 'downer' way, just in a responsibility way- most things are too large for me to solve. Perhaps even healing steps; I can only make choices that seem healthier or just are ones free to live, not petty or self-centered but hopefully the opposite without a loss or rather damage to myself or others, if that makes sense? But for me the key at least partly is stopping the confusion. I can take in info or form an opinion but not hold it so tightly there isn't room for new perspective or correction or growth.
(As @abovedown said however too, the numbness or denial or exhaustion is not really a solution either. It's hard to absorb or face pain and fear.)
Hugs to you, xox.
thoughts/ beliefs/ fear// perspective/ memories/ doubt. The partial source is low self esteem which I suffered with in my youth and thinking I don't deserve something positive. I would see a guy and girl in the street holding hands, looking lovey-dovey and I thought that I didn't deserve a relationship like theirs. In the past couple month I also have had bouts of confusion.to your 2nd paragraph. And yes it is hard to absorb pain and fear. Thanks again for your message and thinking of me. Hugs and hearts back to you.
Thank you.Yes @the10thleper319 I suppose I didn't think of myself as deserving good things either. But in a way even beyond that.
Hugs back!
Tiny Flame...Just checking in. How are you doingThank you.
Just checking in. How are you doing?Yes @the10thleper319 I suppose I didn't think of myself as deserving good things either. But in a way even beyond that.
Hugs back!
I don't have much time to remember and less to think, which has positives and negatives attached to it. No time to process anything but feel pretty lost when I can.I often run on fumes myself. I used to get colds/flus when the temp changed drastically within a day. It's good you're changing your ways and I pray you improve. I have been dealing with anxiety and the unworthy of happiness sentiment. Today and yesterday were rough. I just now was researching online books on deserving happiness. I also saw positive affirmation YouTube videos on this topic. Tomorrow I have my weekly session with my trauma therapist. I will be relaying to her all of this. Besides the outstanding work and help from her, I want more healing firepower, thus my own efforts.You are so sweet @the10thleper319 ! Just running on fumes, really, am so tired. No snow here yet (Merry Christmas to me lol). I'm on the cusp of my 3rd cold/ flu in a month. Busy time of year but work has been impossible- maybe off my feet or sip of water 12 minutes total in a 9 1/2 hrs/ day. But I am changing my ways because had a physical issue probably because of it. At least I can recognize it's crazy, which is progress.
How are YOU doing?
Happy day to you!
Hugs!
I like that ^^^.
Good luck tomorrow!The timing of your reply is perfect! I just finished a terrific session with my trauma therapist and we were discussing this topic. I've come to realize the non-deserving of happiness sentiment is a generational curse. My paternal grandmother was very domineering and probably had a hard life, thus feeling she didn't deserve happiness. She "passed" it onto my father, who passed it onto me. I deserve to be happy, especially after the past four years of health hell! Between my therapist and self-help for happiness sites, books, etc., I will one day realize I deserve to be happy! I fully understand the connection of your not deserving happiness with a fear of really bad news and consequences. For me it would be fear of failure.Thank you @the10thleper319 .
Maybe the better question is not why do you deserve happiness but rather why do you feel you don't? But I get it. For me I fear it as it became conflated or associated with really bad news and it's consequences. I hope your therapist can help you!
I like that ^^^.
