Hypersexuality And Ptsd

[Gabby]

I'm not sure why I go through phrases of being more sexual then I usually am. I thought I had combated my obsessive masturbation but now it is back, along with once again confused about my sexuality. And really craving sex from female or male. When I masturbate I think of females and seem to get of on that better then if I think of males. But then I also go through of thinking myself a male and imagining myself having a penis and how it would feel being male having sex with females. I go through stages of hating my vagina and wanting to chop it all of and wanting to be a male and then on the other hand I hate penis's. And then I go through stages of where I want to chop of my breasts as well.

Sometimes I think of getting a sex change so that I can be a male and wanting to dress like a male but then on the other hand I hate male sex organs. And then sometimes I go through a stage where I want to have both a vagina and a penis so I can have sex with myself.

I'm not sure whether I am a lesbian, Bisexual or want to be transgender. Or whether I only get these feelings when my chemistry in the brain is not right, or whether it is simply because of all the sexual abuse in my life. And then after all these feelings and what I do I feel really guilty.

 

[anni]

Hi Gabby,

I hope it's ok to reply, since I do not have much knowledge of sexual abuse. My trauma includes a rape, it's not what the whole trauma was though so do not want to sound like an idiot.

I did just hope that whatever you do for one thing you just find a T you really do trust, you know? Maybe you are bisexual, maybe trans,maybe not who knows? Whatever identity you are, it's just plain you, and you very, very much deserve to be "Gabby",comfortable in the skin you were born with. Whatever guilt you feel, I hope you know is not yours- it might be societal or familial, since you've had abuse but noone deserves guilt attached to trying to figure out who they might be here on the planet. Anyway, a trained T will be able to help with all these questions. It sounds like there's an awful lot in your past you have pain with and as you say, there's the whole brain chemistry thing to figure out also. I'm not sure it has anything to do with orientation- we're gay, straight, whatever like we're born with blue or brown eyes, I think. I'm not completely sure how it works but I AM sure there's zero to feel guilty about.

Welcome to the forum. I do hope you find some peace with this. I clicked on your thread because your name is familiar, I admit- and answered because even though I know little about your particular question I know enough to at least say you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Take care, ok?

Anni

 

[Lionheart]

Gabby,

Hi. I am a male survivor of sexual abuse. I was once very confused about my sexuality as well. From what I understand, the things you have described are common for sexual abuse survivors. The hypersexuality, the discomfort, the confusion, the repulsion, the guilt; all very common.

I received assistance from a trauma expert who helped me to realize my true sexual identity by asking me a series of questions and allowing open discussion that led to a lot of self-realization. I hope you too will find a trauma expert to talk with as I really think they can help you out.

I don't know about you, but I was a child when I was sexually abused and one thing I came to realize is that my orientation to sex was not so much sexual as it was abusive. So I did sexually abusive things because that is what I knew...I didn't know healthy forms of sexuality. I had lost my identity to the abuse and never even considered what was my true preference.

For me, the compulsive masturbation was an attempt to comfort myself and explore different possibilities without risking harm from others. Whatever your orientation and preference is, you deserve to enjoy it fully , without shame and guilt and without physical or emotional harm.

I wish you the best with your healing process!!!

 

[Venator]

I am glad someone made this thread.

I, too am hypersexual. I often put stress on my relationship with my boyfriend because I am rabid about being able to have sexual relations, though this has eased in the past year and a half. I feel a great burden of guilt because of it... I wonder why I should feel this way instead of having sex be a trigger like it is for most people.

I really have no idea why I feel this way... and I'm scared to bring it up IN PERSON. So much easier to write it online.

 

[Gabby]

Thanks guys. I have tried to talk about this with my therapist, but he doesn't listen to me, and doesn't want to about it with me. And it makes it harder because I have to have a therapist that also understands the Autism part of me. And yes it is a lot easy to write it online then talk about it with people face to face.

 

[Gabby]

sorry its be so long since i been on here. but i have been in intense therapy, with no answers yet, that now i am paying to see a autism specialist psychiatrists.

 

[Anna]

This happened to me as well when I was younger. It died down as I got older. In fact it turned to the opposite at one point.

 

[James B.]

I am 54, and an incest survivor with PTSD since age 4. This thread has relevance in my life, and my post here echo's the great Lionheart777.

I have tried to talk about this with my therapist, but he doesn't listen to me, and doesn't want to about it with me.

I found many T's in the early days of my recovery unable to discuss sexuality problems, maybe it makes them uncomfortable?

 

[James B.]

Actually the above post isn't quite right.

in the early days of my recovery unable to discuss sexuality problems, maybe it makes them uncomfortable?

My very first T was hip to this stuff; it was odd though, and still makes me feel kinda "less than" that the material he had me read was all written by women, and it seems that men's place in the diagnostic "world' of incest survivors was/is marginalized. I think the stats are bullsh*t. I think it happens equally to boys, and girls; and the whole "homo-phobic" thing makes it read like it's mostly about only girls getting molested, I don't buy it.

I think it's just (way) more taboo and therefore more camouflaged by society. Just a hunch. Some things make us look too much like completely out of control savages, and society collaborates to bury (hide) those traits, because of the obvious implications. The exploitation of trauma survivors by the mental health system and the criminal justice system only underline the above contention.

Sorry for the thread drift. This is a triggering topic.

 

[doglover]

James, you're right - the stats are bull. There are therapists who realize this also happens to males, though the literature works with what's available and there are more reports from females (due to it being more socially acceptable) so there's more literature targeting them.

But you're right, there's brutality directed at both genders. Finding a newer, younger therapist might make such conversations more comfortable/accessible.

 

[Incendiu]

I usually get periods when I am hyper sexual...they can last for just some weeks and sometimes for months...the rest of the time I'm just "ordinary". But those periods can be like hell and I'm glad I'm not single and that I take loyalty in relationships really seriously. I have no control over my own mind when this kick in...or my own body. I have been thinking about talking to my T about it... but it feels kind of strange. And my new T is going to be a male so no way there but I think about finding a sexual-therapist.

I was sexual abused many times from childhood till my late teens by different persons. I guess it have something to do with that. But I see a pattern, and I sort of see why it's there what started it and what's trigging it.

 

[Anna]

I usually get periods when I am hyper sexual...they can last for just some weeks and sometimes for months...the rest of the time I'm just "ordinary".

I have periods like this as well. I think about sex all day. Then I have times when I find sex repulsive and cannot stand it. Like two opposites. It is totally bizarre.