General Too Pushy! Hubby in Bed Until Lunch Time

[Jen]

I was told I am to pushy he is in bed till lunchtime every day I needed a hand with some lifting out in the shed I woke him a couple of times. When he decided to surface he had the shits I had the shits sick of waiting for him all the time. He said I get pushy (come on)! We have money set aside so he can go and get his ute fixed he isnt even wanting to go and get that done.
I have this one week off because I am home you would think there would be a bit more effort to help out. I find because I am home I am so wound up by the time he gets out of bed I am ready to explode! I am over it!
Jen

 

[becvan]

Please go back and reveiw the PTSD cup and the new, unrevised PTSD sufferers guide... you are forgetting some simple aspects of PTSD here...

Bec

(not trying to sound cranky, just being blunt as usual)

 

[Jen]

I will Bec I am just a bit pissed off today needed to have a whinge.
Jen

 

[Andrea42]

Jen,
you just sound a bit cranky...so you had a bad day....let it go..you will find out that its not even worth you getting pissed....
You are probably not being pushy...but i am the same. If i see that my hubby is in bed til lunchtime everyday ima try to do something about it because that just not healthy.... but try to let it go one day, if he does it the next, try asking him if he is going through something at the moment where he needs to stay in bed.. i say be easy on him... Im sure he doesnt look forward to spending the whole day in bed....
::hugs::

 

[becvan]

I will Bec I am just a bit pissed off today needed to have a whinge.
Jen

hehe complain away.. there's not a soul on earth who doesn't have moments (or days!) like that.. I conisder it a day off from "emotional" correctness!

Bec

 

[Jen]

Thanks guys yep we need to have a whinge. Andrea I think I am pretty easy on him its not just one day in bed it goes on everyday but it does wear thin after a while.
I know people who would not put up with it he knows I am all he has got.
He has been getting emails from guys he met on the PTSD clinic and still hasnt responded to them. His life is sleep and TV. I know be patient.
Thanks for listening.
Jen

 

[anthony]

Help steer him to get that good stress going Jen, but also accept that once he is up and going, his room for additional stress is much less, that means a simple ask could be too much. But he is up atleast, and functioning, which helps get him going atleast.

Another method to help him get motivated, and to help you do things, is create a list 24hrs before you need his help, and ask him what he feels he can help you with the following day/s, and then plan it. Once he commits, make him hold to that commitment. Set a time and what you need help with exactly, and see if that works maybe....

 

[wildcritter44]

Jen

He may be sleeping or just staying in bed trying to sleep, it can be an escape when depressed...

I do it when I hit my very low's...

sometime nothing brings me out, some times just need to be left alone, or sometimes just need a change of scenery (ie get away from home). Of course I know that isn't always possible due to lack of $$.

On the other hand, I have been where you are... I want & need help, he's not willing or able to help... It SUCKS!!! It's FRUSTRATING !!! It's AGRAVATING, ETC !!! & Yes, I get P-----d off. Of course, it works the other way around for him sometimes.. He can't get me up & out. (not on purpose). Just don't want to participate in life...

vent away, that's what this place seems to be about in a lot of ways...

HUGS

Take Care

D (wildcritter)

 

[Jen]

On the other hand, I have been where you are... I want & need help, he's not willing or able to help... It SUCKS!!! It's FRUSTRATING !!! It's AGRAVATING, ETC !!! & Yes, I get P-----d off. Of course, it works the other way around for him sometimes.. He can't get me up & out. (not on purpose). Just don't want to participate in life...
Thanks guys for letting me have a whinge D ( Wildcritter) you hit the nail on the head it is so frustrating I am not one for sitting around.
I am finding I am starting to get upset over this again last time I went on anti depressants I am not going to let it get to me but it is hard I just find myself getting wound up.
Jen

 

[Chantico]

My friend/ex does that too - spend hours and hours in bed. Although he says he's now getting up by 9 every morning - he really has taken a turn for the better.
But a few months ago (just before Easter I think) I went to get him out of bed because he'd asked me to the night before - we had to do something but I can't remember what. Anyway. It resulted in me pulling the covers off him because I was sick of waiting round (it was quite common for him to still be dozing at 2pm) to which his response was to semi-lunge at me with his fist raised. I don't think I flinched - I think I just looked at him, and asked him what the h*ll was that? He muttered 'a warning' and climbed out of bed to have a cigarette out the window. I asked him if he'd ever warned anyone else like that before (refering to his ex girlfriends) and he got evasive.
He's never hit me, and I don't think he's ever hit a woman, he gets so furious about stories of women being hit because he spent most of his childhood getting the crap beaten out of him by his father and watching his mother go through the same thing.
But he also every so often dissociates. He gets angry and snide and starts trembling a little with the effort to control himself physically, and doesn't remember it afterwards - I've repeated things he's said to me even the next day and he has no idea he's said it.
I'm not scared for myself, I don't think he would ever physically hurt me on purpose, and if he did he's not that much stronger than me and I've had years of martial arts training so it's not a problem - I would win. But I'm worried about him. I've seen it twice since then, both times I think my presance stopped him from fully losing his temper and destroying something (he's told me he used to 'come to' to find furniture smashed, but has never lost control when in company) but I haven't managed to snap him out of the mood.

Oki, cr*p. Just realised I didn't intend to write that.

I'm going to stop there.

 

[Jim]

Sleeping is something the wife and I are still working out through trial and error. Unless she is ill, we insist Evie get out of bed daily at a reasonable hour. Give her a push if she is avoiding an issue or becoming depressed. However. At times she needs to remain in bed. Typically when under too much stress. Recent example. Confronted her regarding some hard truths about herself. Had a huge row with her. She is perfectly fine, however now requires extra rest for 2-3 days. Were I to push her out of bed now, I would be pushing too hard. Would end badly quite frankly.

Jim.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Sorry, I saw this thread before when it was posted and was behaving by not posting all cranky LOL I saw Bec had for me (kidding bec)! But something I may have missed in rereading... No one seems to be taking into account the horrible insomnia we get. I mean I am doing worlds better but even if in bed from 11 on at night I still am up 20 times or tossing and turning if not up all the way like now until 5 AM without a blink. I doze off to wake and see I have slept a whopping 15 minutes and another hour goes by before another 15.

Come sun up (a VERY common PTSD issue) I can finally relax and sleep sometimes (do not wake me then!). Now someone normal who has cat napped off and on through the day here and there like that would you wake them during the night and insist they go and do things all night until 9 AM? You may think if they are worn out during the day they will sleep at night. Not so. That is just that much less sleep they get and the worse symptoms get.

I will give my hubs kuddos there. Any time of day I can sleep he gives it to me. Sometimes I am lucky and can sleep at night. He says to me he is so happy I did sleep no matter when I get it. I feel better and my symptoms are better as I can spend quite hours at night coping with more mild symptoms and issues alone. And like hubs says when momma is not happy, ain't nobody happy. I am glad he is OK with my "vampire" hours even if it bugs him.

Just don't be too quick to wake those with the PTSD unless you know they are not having nightmares and fitful sleep. And are actually sleeping. If you stay up with them and ask them to wake you when they cannot sleep you might be surprised at how crappy an attitude you develop and how bad you want to stay in bed too with them. A full sleep can make us go a tired week where others need it nightly to even function. We are just used to it. Try it and ask them.