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Internet Dating For Ptsd Dummies

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I'm trying internet dating again. Already I went several days without talking to someone, I did get busy but was also having a meltdown.

Finally answered him today, and told him directly that I don't give out my number before I meet with someone several times. I am trying to act like a non traumaticized person with new behaviors. I don't know how well it will work but that's my goal. Non traumatized but keeping some common sense. We shall see.
 
I'm the champion of driving people away...especially if I actually feel a connection...How messed up is that?

Of course you are going to drive the person away that you really care about because you feel the most vulnerable. I've worked with very abused children, they do this every single time because they are afraid of caring about someone and then being abandoned. There is a really good book 'Trust after Trauma' that deals exclusively with relationships.

Hugs,
Gloria
 
My date went very well but at the initiation of any physical contact, I got very very tense. He told me he's a very affectionate person and I am scared out of my mind to be affectionate with anyone.
 
@missd84 - Any chance you'll be able to tell him so? That way maybe he will be more understanding and less likely to take it personally (if you like him so far, of course)? I'm glad your date went well!!!

My date was... okay. Not much chemistry. Actually his eye contact style made me super uncomfortable, like he wanted to lock me in some kind of creepy stare. And he talked nonstop. Probably largely due to nervousness but my gut tells me to stay the heck away!!!

I don't get like that with everyone who has romantic interest in me so I don't think it is "just me being silly" or whatever else the inner critic would say. I think it's my instincts telling me something is NOT right there, and it's keeping me safe. I'm grateful for that. I am not looking forward to communicating some polite version of this to him next time he reaches out. Yuck his energy was just... yuck.

I know I'll mesh better with someone stable and his energy didn't seem stable to me. I'm glad I got a good "read" on it. A small voice tells me try again once he won't be so nervous but mostly there's a very LOUD voice saying DON'T GO THERE. So I'm going to listen. And try again in the future, maybe, once I've got more coping skills and a stable therapeutic relationship.
 
First date, we talked a lot and got to know each other and then just a hug goodbye. The second, I had my guard up, a lot more because I'm so scared to get close to someone. We kissed and as soon as it got more heavy kissing, I stopped it and told him I go very slow in that department. So I guess I told him in a roundabout way. I just know pretty soon, he's gonna want to know why or totally lose interest in me. I always feel like shit when I push ppl away so I'm trying so hard not to do that and just see where it goes. It's not just the physical intimacy that scares me but the emotional kind too. I'm scared to let someone in and to have all this emotional damage rear its ugly head. On the other hand, I really want to get to close to somebody someday. I'm so conflicted...
 
See...I tell them myself...esp if things start going well...

o.O idk exactly what you mean, but if you mean you literally tell them that, that might be bad for 2 reasons, a) they might be like me and have a hero "complex" and get waaayyy too attached way fast, which, if they are like me, is worse for them than for you i think? if it goes south. and B) that's a pretty big incentive to act nice from a predator's view, easier target

but at the same time I am super, SUPER shy beyond belief, so I know nothing of anyone else or even what you meant :p
 
:tup:If anybody has read the book called The Rules. It's pretty old but it gives some good advice to women when dating. NEVER, never, never open up and tell that person all your "stuff". It's not appropriate and like Jimmy-Joe said if you want to get involved with a predator, they will be able to identify you as prey if you open up too soon.

I went out with a guy from the internet that told me about all the crazy women. He told me about a woman that told him that she had a personality disorder the first time they met. He said she seemed normal but he never called her back because he didn't want to get involved with a "crazy" person. Well, if I wanted to diagnose this guy (who didn't think he had mental health issues) he was short and a meglamaniac (Napolean complex trying to compensate), had anger issues and blew up all the time and criticized just about everybody for being too fat (he was no slim person) and lazy (and he would take naps during the day??).

I think we are so aware and afraid of exposing our own defects that we can't see that we might be confessing PTSD to someone who is a serial killer!!! I'm sorry but it's true. We are aware of our illness. I see many, many people on the street with obesity, drinking problems, dead-beat dads, etc. I didn't before because I was so self critical of myself. I felt that everybody else was normal and I was crazy. Well, that's why I always say the only "normal" is a cycle on the washing machine. If that particular person that you meet seems normal, I would be absolutely positive that someone is in the immediate family has some serious issues.

Practice makes perfect. Try goiing out with men that you could care less if you went out with a second time. Practice with them so when you do meet someone you like, you know what you are doing. Just like a job interview?

Good luck and bang on you guys!!! I give you so much credit for getting out there and taking a risk! :tup:
 
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