Called the nurse who is taking care of me in oncology. She had said something to me yesterday and it really bugged the H out of me. But I had well understood. There is very little chance of a remission, at best there would be a "truce" meaning that the cancer and metastases will be very reduced and that I could hope for a few weeks/months without treatment. Otherwise, I have to accept that I will be on a 52 hour treatment every 2 weeks for the rest of my life if I want to see my great grand-children. I thought I already had enough to deal with the PTSD, but now this.
Even my T found me very weak last time and we had decided to postpone the treatment during my chemo, but now my hopes of a remission have been blown. Cried this AM, now I have to tell my kids, really not feeling up to it. Not feeling up to much actually, like I have to get into my head that chemo will be my best friend for the rest of my life. I'm venting out here, and am having a rough time. How do I annonce this ... and keep a cool head ... and peace of mind... do I wait until I feel better ... my kids will feel that I'm holding something back ... Do I still hope for a miracle = YES ! She said it has happened but is a very minimal pourcentage.
Ok feeling the tears, will go now. Thanks for listening and being there.