Things I Figured Out While Hospitalized

[Jim]

Thank you for the regards maus.

Very well done dear! To think I was feeling guilty for leaving you in hospital so long. Did you a world of good obviously.

Uncle Jim.

 

[Marlene]

3. Self-pity is deadly.

Evie,

I couldn't agree with you more. I watched my sister die for twelve years and never once did I hear her say 'why me' or something along those lines. She knew her time in life was limited and got rid of the people that brought her down, made amends to who she felt she needed to make amends to and lived her life to the best of her ability...even when she was house bound. She touched so many lives in her short 46 years and helped so many people. She is my hero. When I get a big old case of the 'feeling sorries for me' I just remember her. It helps me to put it all in perspective.

You're also someone I look up to, Evie. You've had so much thrown at you in your young life and you haven't given up and you've kept fighting. I've read a lot of your posts where you say you felt like giving up...but you never did. You're strong and you're a fighter. And I'm so glad I've got to meet you here.

 

[batgirl]

Evie, it's so good to see you back. You made me cry in a good way.

Awww. I don't like to make people cry. But if it's in a good way I guess it's all right then. Thanks for the welcome back Terry! :)

I couldn't agree with you more. I watched my sister die for twelve years and never once did I hear her say 'why me' or something along those lines.

Wow. Thanks for telling me about your sister Marlene. It actually adds to my strength or resolve or whatever you want to call it. I like hearing about other's cancer stories, even if the person ultimately dies. People like that really change your life! And I'm stunned and embarrassed but thanks for saying you look up to me as well. Once again it just helps me to continue with what I'm doing and not give up.

Art Spiegelman is german. Or of german descent. Spiegelman is german for mirrorman.

Mirrorman? Oh that's an interesting meaning. Art Spiegelman is Jewish. He was born in Sweden, grew up in the US, his parents were Polish Jewish refugees. His book Maus is about his parents surviving the Holocaust.

Wow maus 18 hours is a long time to have an attack. Mine have never seemed to be that long. They last a couple of hours at the most. I exhaust myself and fall asleep generally.

Like ECT (electro shock therapy).

Have you ever had ECT? Again just curious, because I have had it myself. I had a few treatments about 3 years ago I think. I'm sorry I had them. Never again. Sorry you had cancer too, but I'm glad you've recovered and it hasn't come back. I'm hoping the same for myself obviously. Thanks for all your thoughts, I appreciate them and they give me something to think about.

 

[batgirl]

Very well done dear! To think I was feeling guilty for leaving you in hospital so long. Did you a world of good obviously.

Thanks Uncle. You were feeling guilty about putting me in the hospital?? Really?? Why?? I hope you don't feel guilty anymore.

 

[Marlene]

Wow. Thanks for telling me about your sister Marlene. It actually adds to my strength or resolve or whatever you want to call it. I like hearing about other's cancer stories, even if the person ultimately dies. People like that really change your life!

Evie,

My sister didn't have cancer, she had a rare disease call Polychondritis-it's considered one of the orphan diseases. Little known about it, little funding, etc. She actually let doctors at the University of Colorado do experimental treatments on her for a number of years so they could learn about more about this disease and hopefully help other people who were diagnosed with it. Yeah...she was one of those people who really changed your life.

 

[batgirl]

Oh okay sorry I don't know why I assumed cancer. Anyways still, it doesn't matter one way or the other, she was obviously an inspiration! I am really interested in orphan diseases, as well as rare genetic abnormalities actually, because I have an extremely rare (but completely benign) deformity of my fingers. It's a genetic birth defect. I think the stats are like 1 in 50 million people are born with *some* of their fingers deformed in this manner, and even fewer than that have all deformed fingers. Mine are all deformed, and I've visited teaching hospitals several times during my life, so interns and new doctors can have the opportunity to look at my fingers lol. There's even a picture of my fingers in the international medical database. My fingers are really ugly IMO, I'm always trying to hide my hands when I meet people. But I am an artist so obviously the fingers aren't causing me any real harm.

Anyways I haven't heard about the disease your sister had but I'm really curious now so I will definitely do some research on it!

 

[maus]

cats

that's a great answer about Spiegelman. What I meant is that Spiegelman is German (the name). I know his comic book about the jews and the holocaust (he's world famous for it).
He is of german descent, somewhere. His bloodline is german originally. Generations ago maybe. Where he was born or lived I don't know. In Scandinavian it would be something like Speilmann :-) which sounds even more german btw. In Dutch also Spiegelman. But those names Speilman and Spiegelman aren't used as family names outside Germany. It is only a litteral translation. Like mirrorman. I don't think the family mirrorman exist in the US. It is a typical german name and solely german. I don't know what it is in Polish. All the teutonic languages look like eachother. We know the little differences in writing although it sounds the same. Therefore we know who is from which country (originally) Maybe he changed it into Spiegelman like so many jews did after the war. Maybe it used to be Spiegelstein ;-)
The name changes caused a lot of problems btw for physicians. because some diseases only occur in jews. But b/c the physicians didn't know they changed their names (parents didn't tell their children) they never looked for this rare disease, b/c they weren't jewish. In some cases it all came out b/c someone developed this rare disease.
Anyway thnx for the extended info about "MAUS" and the author.

 

[maus]

ECT and 18 hours

18 hours: yes it goes on and on, I think I do this myself b/c of the yelling, screaming I keep myself in that state, keeping up the high adrenaline levels. I don't remember how it stopped. Now it is b/c of exhaustion but then? Maybe b/c I finally got someone on the phone who could break the circle.

ECT: scary, but sometimes I think rationally that maybe it could help. To cause a short-circuit in the brain, generating a new circuit for the electrical impulses to travel to the nuclei in the brain. Reroute the info and the processing. But it is just a theory. We stopped using it once in my country but we started it again in a specialized centre under strict medical and legal conditions. Sorry to hear it didn't work for you.
And b/c curiosity killed the MAUS. I would like some more info about what changed for you, what got worse or better after your ECT. How many times did you try it? Don't answer if you don't want to. There aren't many patients in my country I can ask about it. Probably none :-)

Wish you well
ps I copied the moose picture from your uncle very funny

 

[batgirl]

that's a great answer about Spiegelman. What I meant is that Spiegelman is German (the name). I know his comic book about the jews and the holocaust (he's world famous for it).

Yeah it's one of the most famous graphic novels ever. And one of my most favourite, along with V for Vendetta and Stuck Rubber Baby. I guess I should clarify what I said about Spiegelman, he was born in Sweden because his parents had fled the Nazis to live there. So he's not Swedish at all, you're correct. Just happened to be born there.

What's interesting about Jewish names though, don't know if you're aware, but Jews never had last names until the 1700s I believe it was. Before then, they were just "Jacob son of Abraham" for example. But at that point, they were given German names (or Slavic names, depending on what area of Europe they were in) by the local governments so they could keep better track of them, record them in the census, etc. They were assigned the names based on their occupation or the town they lived in. It kind of reminds me how African Americans were given last names in the US. Anyways, so the names are not reflective of their nationality but rather of their occupation or what part of Europe they were residing in. And during the 1700s, Poland was part of the Prussia, so that would be why Polish Jews have German names as a rule. Jewish history is really interesting to me, obviously. Well, any history actually. :)

The name changes caused a lot of problems btw for physicians. because some diseases only occur in jews.

Yeah I can imagine. Our family friends are Jewish but very non-religious, their name has been anglicized to Green from Groenberg, and they had a child with Tay-Sachs disease who unfortunately died. I know that's one of the diseases that only occurs in Ashkenazi Jews.

And b/c curiosity killed the MAUS. I would like some more info about what changed for you, what got worse or better after your ECT. How many times did you try it? Don't answer if you don't want to. There aren't many patients in my country I can ask about it. Probably none :-)

I don't mind answering, I'm just not sure what to say. I know it can be very helpful for some people, in fact I know a girl who has had many treatments because she has psychotic depression, and it's really helped her. However, I was getting it for PTSD, against my will actually, because I was charged with assault and then forcibly committed. I *think* I had about 10 treatments. And this was about 3 years ago? I can't remember precisely now. That was one of my complaints about ECT. They said I would have *minimal* short term memory loss, being the week prior to, during, and possibly the week after a treatment. However, I find I've lost whole huge chunks of time, like about one year of time, where I have no idea what I was doing, where I was living. I never had memory problems like that prior to the ECT.

If I had psychotic depression like Lisa, it might have been worth it to lose that much of my memory, to have relief from the depression. However, they were treating my rage specifically, and it didn't work at all. I continued to have rage problems afterwards. Also, the side effects were bad for me, I had horrible headaches, and I wasn't able to draw at all for several months after the treatments. That's pretty bad considering that I'm an artist and want to make my living that way. Anyways I guess I'm saying, my opinion is ECT is good for some illnesses, like really severe untreatable depression, or Parkinsons disease, but I don't think it's a good option for PTSD.

Yeah that picture was funny. We are currently in Saskatoon, only for a couple more weeks though. I'm wondering where exactly that picture was taken. I've been bugging my uncle to drive me around to look for it. He's not impressed haha. Thanks for the interesting discussions. It keeps my brain active. :)

 

[minceymeatpie]

Hey batgirl,

I just wanted to say I found reading that really good. I think it is marvellous you sat down and wrote it out and if you feel like you need a reminder you just have to go back and read what you wrote. I feel like what you wrote is an important step to getting life back.

 

[batgirl]

Wow thank you. So many compliments about this writing. I guess it was a lot better than I thought originally. Thanks again.

 

[maus]

europe et al

:-) okay I'm impressed with your knowledge in medicine and history. I didn't want to throw al kind of names around like Tay Sachs and Ashkenazi, but I see that I don't have to withhold that from you ;-)

Napoleon liked names: we all had to get names, his orders. So the records (for genealogy research) only start from his time on b/c before him we didn't have names. Now we have indeed names like jacobsonsson. I think the whole of europe has family names because of napoleon. Some people mocked and ridiculed him and as an act of resistance choose stupid names. Like pee and poop. Now hundreds of years later those descendants aren't laughing anymore :-)

Prussia, well, well, again impressed, you know your european history lady!
The borders of the countries in europe have changed over and over again. The spanish invasion, the Turkish invasion al the way to Vienna, napoleon, the double monarchy of Hungary and Austria, Hitler, Tito and what he made of yugoslavia and the USSR.

oops: against?! your will, you got to be kidding me? In this century? In what country? On this planet? That sounds like a violation of human rights to me. Unbelievable. We have extreme strict laws concerning ECT and about all treatments. Forced treatment is against our law, also for the criminal insane mind.
So you were locked up also like me for your PTSD behavior against your will. Me too but they let me go very quickly when they found out that they made a mistake and a judge demanded an inquiry what had happened to me. I'm scared ever since for psychiatrists.
Okay so memory loss and headaches; doesn't sound very useful ;-) and the rage goes on, okay thnx, so useless then for PTSD
Thank you very much for that info.

Do you have pictures of your work somewhere?