What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Tinyflame]

"Time changes everything".

 

[TeddySue]

I feel that words don't even need to be spoken. A look goes a long way with me. I was given those looks that went along with the words, "You SORRY child!" At every point of my day, I remember being made to feel very worthless. So adding all these examples together of putting us in our place, they are all very similar to each other in that the end result brought about PTSD, or made it worse.

Did any of you ever rebel against their behavior toward you?

Were there other children in the home who were immune to the harshness of the parents?

 

[TeddySue]

"You will never get better, you are not ill, you're plain mean."

I, too, would be seen as mean, and the words they chose to belittle me with would almost convince me that I was doomed to suffer for my meanness. I grew up believing the negative opinions of my self-worth because I never heard any kind and supportive words from anyone who had the same blood as I. And now, as an older adult, I can still see the looks and hear the words of betrayal and once again crawl within myself to hide. I wonder, if there had been definitions of child abuse by words only, what would their punishment have been?

 

[Innordinate]

"How are you?" "how are you doing?" and all variations of.

:D

 

[Bubba]

AFTER I have said a gazillion times that I want to work on our marriage once I've received some counseling. I just need some time:

"You're throwing away another marriage"
"I am not a runner, you gave up on a good man"
"You want to run away"
"You better think long and hard about shutting me out"
"I hear you - it's the same thing every time"
"You're not acknowledging what has happened and what we're going thru"

Really? Can you ever be quiet enough to really listen to what I am saying and realizing when I can't talk it's because you've said something that has sent me to a scary place?

 

[rowean]

"You just want attention" - yeah, because when he slammed my head into the wall so hard he had to plaster and paint over the dent I was just screaming for attention.

"We don't need to talk about this." - the translation of this is YOU don't want to talk about it because it makes you look bad.

"He is your brother, forgive and move on already." - Sorry that the constant state of fear you let me live in has resulted in my having difficulty in my day to day life. I did forgive him, till he acted out toward my child. Now, all bets are off.

"It just makes me sad that our family is so divided." Well maybe if you hadn't been so busy denying that he was beating the crap out of me on a regular basis and gotten him help for his anger and me help for my issues we all wouldn't be living like this. And no, as long as you refuse to agree to the condition of not exposing your only grandchild to his uncle, your grandson will not be visiting you alone.

Wow, that was incredibly powerful to write that. Even if I never actually say those things outloud to my parents, that felt good.

 

[PTSD sufferer]

'Maybe you should take some antihistamines, because your anxiety and poor concentration sounds just like my hay-fever'....????

 

[TeddySue]

"What's your trauma? What was so traumatic? (In an "Well? I'm waiting" tone) :rolleyes: Just tell me. Why can't you tell me?"

Did you ever come right out and tell them about your traumas in detail?

I never had the courage to do it face to face, and when I wrote a letter, detailing the years of trauma at my so-called parents hands, I never got a reply. For them, to ignore it was to deny it, and they went to their graves never dealing with it.

I think it would have been better to discuss the traumas than to live the rest of my life knowing they are gone and nothing was dealt with. So sad...

 

[TeddySue]

Wow, that was incredibly powerful to write that. Even if I never actually say those things outloud to my parents, that felt good.

1. This sounds like child abuse; where was ANYONE who cared about you? Did you go to a doctor, or tell anyone?

2. Were there other members of your family who knew the truth?

3. I find that forgiveness is a process and there is no once and for all about it. We are not God.

4. I'm so proud that you are protecting your child!

5. Can you write those words? That's what i ended up doing and then I felt like I had done everything I could to start a healing; they chose to ignore the facts and so died without ever dealing with the trauma.

 

[TeddySue]

How about this one? "Forgive and forget"!! It does'nt say that in the bible. I heard this one from a pastors wife. Inorance is not bliss.

I truly believe that only God can forgive and forget. He casts things into the sea of His forgetfulness. The last time I checked I don't have any ownership in that sea.

 

[TeddySue]

Yeah. When someone violently takes every ounce of innocence you possess before you can develop into an adult, you really don't stand much of a chance at learning healthy behavior.

I am so sorry for what they took from you. And yes, I totally agree that healthy behavior develops from a lifetime of knowing you are being kept safe. Isn't it amazing how these people like to dictate how we should react to such evil?

 

[TeddySue]

"You are crazy, look at you! You are crazy"

I lived a lifetime hearing my so-called mother tell other people, "there is something WRONG with her!" After a while, don't you feel like you are beginning to believe the lies? At a very young age I can remember myself telling myself, "there is something wrong with me."