What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[TeddySue]

"Life's a bitch and then you die." Great thing to tell a depressed person.

What these words say to me is, for the rest of your life I am damning you to die never having found healing and happiness. I'm so sorry you were programmed to associate depression with the rest of your life.

 

[TeddySue]

"Get a grip".
"Drama-queen". It was all in your mind. It didn't really happen. REALLY?!

I lived with the knowledge of what had been done to me, always pushing it down because I was taught you NEVER say negative things about your so-called parents. It was a harsh way to live, never allowing yourself to voice what happened. I finally was drugged enough on depression meds that I decided to say it out loud at the age of 58. And then I realized that living with it out in the open was just as harsh as pushing it down for years.

 

[Philippa]

I know exactly what you mean Teddysue.

I've been told so many times that I dwell on the negatives, just because I bring to their attention the neg things THEY DO!

I'm sorry it was so harsh for you after voicing it. It was similar for me at times too...although I have had the initial experience of feeling relieved to not be keeping things a secret and enabling them to keep it rolled under the carpet where they'd prefer it was kept.

f*ck that.

 

[TeddySue]

"Time changes everything".

With time and age, decay is prevalent. We live in a society where people do not want their age to show; there are so many ingredients to slow the aging process. I'd love to find a "product" that slows or stops the debilitating residue of trauma.

 

[Philippa]

Rowean, I wanted to say that I don't think it matters if you never say what you said to them...as long as you get it out of YOU, that's all that matters.

You can even have conversations with them, as though they were right in front of you, when no one else is around...and say EXACTLY what you want to say, and let nothing hold you back. Be as radically honest as you possibly can, and see how that feels...if you want to that is?

These are some things that have helped me, along with letter writing and not sending the letters, punching pillows and taking a plastic batt to my bed and just belting the crap out of it.

Whatever gets the poison out for you and makes you feel better is therapy.

 

[TeddySue]

You're still dwelling on those things, that were petty, from the past...(In the "you're so pathetic" voice.)

That voice must be universal because it was instilled in me to hear it every time I fought back with words. The past still exists in my mind, even though they are both dead. If I slip up and have a thought about my childhood, it starts a playback of my entire childhood of trauma.

 

[Philippa]

"How are you?" "how are you doing?" and all variations of.

:D

Oh how I hate this one.

I loathe it even more when I catch mySELF saying it, just to do the societal thing.

 

[Philippa]

That voice must be universal because it was instilled in me to hear it every time I fought back with words. The past still exists in my mind, even though they are both dead. If I slip up and have a thought about my childhood, it starts a playback of my entire childhood of trauma.

I've noticed that with healing and grieving...if you are just starting to scab over the wound and then something else comes along that is traumatic, it has the added bonus effect of opening up all the other wounds as well, so you can experience ALL of them at once.

Ain't that fun:rolleyes:

And they think we just like conflict and drama.

Yeah, it always seems to come whenever I fight back or speak up for myself against their attacks and insults. And they have the NERVE to tell me I'M being atrocious for removing myself from their company. WHO in their right mind would want to hang out with people who treat them like shit?

 

[Philippa]

Oh another one..."What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

That one is priceless.

What doesn't kill you, just f*cks you up and wounds you terribly. I don't even know what "be strong" means. It means something to them, but I think it is something completely different to what they interpret strength to be.

Maybe eventually you become a stronger person, but it doesn't feel that way for a very long time, and acknowledging that in yourself is not easy, I've found.

Even if it does make you stronger...that doesn't mean that saying that to someone suffering is helpful.

 

[TeddySue]

I loathe it even more when I catch mySELF saying it, just to do the societal thing.

I go blank. Inside I want to start the word vomiting but instead I go blank. There are two conversations going on: How are you? Fine... or the truth... xoboerkgyslwinge!!! Either way is inappropriate and I come off as "there's something wrong with me!" It's always a win for the ones who dictated these words into my brain.

 

[Philippa]

I used to just cut loose and say exactly how I really felt...but that didn't go down too well with most people.

 

[TeddySue]

Oh another one..."What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

There is good strength and then there is bad strength. I learned that if I was ever to survive I needed to only count on myself and my own strength. It was always vacillating between good and bad strength and that confused me whenever I heard their words: You SORRY child!" NOTHING made sense to me because whatever I did it was never recognized as good strength. I would tell the truth, only to get slammed for it, making me not care if I told the truth or not. They desensitized my conscience in such a way that damaged my character, leaving me to live one lie after another because it did not pay to tell the truth.