Poll If You Repressed/suppressed Your Trauma, What Triggered Your Memories To Return?

[PurpleHope]

I'm curious as to what others have experienced. Please feel free to share as much or as little as you'd like. I apologize if none of the categories apply to you, please feel free to write what your specific experience was regardless of what happened to you and how your memories returned.

My memories of CSA started resurfacing when I was 30. I was in a healthy non-abusive relationship for the first time. I felt safe for the first time ever. Out of the blue the flashbacks became very clear and my other PTSD symptoms started getting far worse 6 months after we got married. I was also 5.5 months pregnant and had just found out that we were expecting a girl.

 

[BigBear]

Some thoughts:

• You repressed the memories originally because accepting them would have killed you at that point. Now your psyche has become stronger and remembering them is not fatal even though it is very painful.
• You got PTSD, where others have not that suffered equivalent trauma. Were you weaker? No! But you had no support to help with managing as others had. Now you do, so you can afford to remember.
• When you have PTSD, you may not remember or be yet diagnosed but you do suffer, as do those around you.
  • The human race is designed to protect the children. Those how do not have this, have reverted to an animal state.
  • Once you became pregnant, the ways that you endangered your own child overrode the self preservation instinct. Seeing her child in danger, a real woman will gather it to her though bullets and bayonets shred her body. A real man in that situation will say to the attacker, "before you touch my child, you must kill me and I will do everything in my power to take you with me!"

 

[sleeping1]

I repressed the memories of CSA until I was 18 and out of the house. I was in a Church meeting when they all flooded back. The SA with my mom I tried to ignore as long as I could.

 

[Lionheart]

(Someone who looked like one of the abuse perps was the trigger for my first memory;... a dark-headed stranger on a motorcycle). Unfortunately once in therapy I uncovered the truth that I had been severely abused over a long period of time and had many traumatic events in my life by multiple abuse perps.

The biggest triggers for me now, are situations in which I have no control as it brings back memories and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Being in a crowd of men sometimes causes me to feel overwhelmed. However, I've been in therapy for a number of years now and when I am triggered I can recognize it as a painful but basically harmless memory from the past.

 

[Youngmom]

When I went to my mother's for Thanksgiving, and her husband was cutting up the turkey, he pulled out this huge kitchen knife and I had to dash out of the room. Anytime I see a kitchen knife this happens, or when I see any blood.

We have one kitchen knife at my house and my boyfriend cut the tip off of it and I can use it! and it doesn't bother me at all! For the first time in almost 5 years I can cut my own steak and potatoes! But unfortunatly there are knives in the world and they will always make me think about it.

 

[bright_morning]

I voted for multiple scenarios because I was originally triggered to remember by becoming independent around 19 yo. I initially remembered one event of CSA, But the story didn't end there. Later through subsequent traumas, marriage, and the birth of my first son many more memories were triggered.

I finally have the whole picture and as it turns out suffered from years of ritual abuse. It's been a long, strange journey to the truth and clarity. I am now working on accepting that it happened and managing/minimizing symptoms.

 

[fairywings]

A traumatic event which was being raped at 20 by a church member.

Also going to church because I experienced ritual abuse . I'm spiritual and I love God. It's just churches that spin me around.

Before that happened I never knew what panic was or all this other stuff.

 

[Srain]

I got sober and clean, eventually through working my program and in therapy while in abusive relationships things began to reveal themselves - others saw me first, the abused child in me - my mother, when asked confirmed what I began to remember. It was one step in many.

 

[Jen93]

Reading a short story in English class grade 11 triggered my first event memories. Bullying in the news and my friends huge anxiety attack in school one day triggered my next event memories. My largest trigger for the first event triggered memories of my next event.

 

[squirtsmom]

My memories came exploding back after my confidant died. I started having night terrors that would wake me up from a sound sleep. CSA starting at age 6 years old.:cry:

 

[Chincho]

My memories came suddenly back while I was doing some Catholic spiritual exercises. These exercises require that you look deep into yourself and I guess I looked too deep.

 

[Jen93]

These exercises require that you look deep into yourself and I guess I looked too deep.

Whoa...That statement.... that's deep right there. Really deep. :O_o: