The Perfect World Of Dissociation

[Red Feather]

I think the artist diagnosis is the most preferable though...:O_o:

After my trauma I know that I was dissociating a lot but I thought I was meditating.... It was like self-hypnosis. I even heard this can cause the PTSD to get stronger because actually you are separating yourself from yourself even more. There was an article I think I read about it. Just to be responsible...it really isn't desirable... to be honest I think the more grounded we are the better.

 

[AzureMind]

I think the artist diagnosis is the most preferable though...:O_o:

After my trauma I know that I was dissociating a lot but I thought I was meditating.... It was like self-hypnosis. I even heard this can cause the PTSD to get stronger because actually you are separating yourself from yourself even more. There was an article I think I read about it. Just to be responsible...it really isn't desirable... to be honest I think the more grounded we are the better.

Meditation was how I think I learned to consciously engage the dissociative switch in my brain. I learned to engage this mechanism whenever I wanted to kill my conscious experience, or isolate an emotion that would only get me into trouble, but unfortunately, these feelings do resurface when I'm reminded of them through triggers...It's strange...at times, they don't feel like they're aprt of me, and they seem to take on a "life" of their own....complete with doors they gaurd in my mind, and everything, sometimes, when I go "inside" I see this white light in the dark sky, I think that's the "outer world"...usually when I'm really stressed I just go "inside" and chill for a bit...but I learned I can "convince" myself that I'm a different person in these moments.

But, it's true; You're basically seperating yourself even further from yourself when you egage the dissociative switch; meditation is really to ground you and keep you in the moment, by relaxing your mind/body into the moment, not to pull you "away" from the moment of the situation, that's dissociation. I figure since I can actively AND passively dissociate, I need to work more on grounding, and dealing with anxiety...feeling "childish" at times does make me feel more dissociative, because sometimes I feel like a little dude again...it's weird... :O_o: but cool in a way...:D

 

[AzureMind]

Also, I don't know too many guys who do this...am I weird? :confused: Of course, on here NOTHING is weird! :laugh: But alot of girls seem to do this...I guess women are ALLOWED to be more creative/expressive than men in our society?

 

[fairywings]

Azure, I do think that girls are allowed to be more creative/expressive than men.;)
But it shouldn't be that way. There are very defined roles for women and men in the South for sure:unsure:

 

[AzureMind]

I grew up a country boy for the first half of my life, I play sports, and yea, I'm good at 'em, (but don't really need to compete to be happy) but as I grew up, I matured pretty fast, spent more time alone, and got to know 'me' not just the guy that can throw the ball, or shoot, or box, but the 'artist'...I learned I got a pretty good voice, and I want to act. I'm kind of a dreamy, artsy kind of guy, it's a nice way of saying a "space case", but you know :laugh:

 

[fairywings]

Azure wrote, the 'artist'...I learned I got a pretty good voice, and I want to act. I'm kind of a dreamy, artsy kind of guy, it's a nice way of saying a "space case", but you know :laugh:

That is me to a T very very dreamy artsy and I love to sing.:)

 

[AzureMind]

It's the closest thing to my inner child as I've gotten, granted, my voice got ALOT deeper since then but I still love to do it, I kinda sound like a 'nicer' version of Sesshomaru, if you're familiar with Inuyasha...I am proud of my voice! It's the little things that can keep you happy so I'm choosin' that! :D I need to just stick to doin' what I love instead of what I don't. I'm cleaning out head-closet of mine tonight so I can see what still good in here...long time overdue! :)

 

[OKRADLAK]

I have been engaging in it rigourously lately. It may be wrong, but I am depressed and I have so much in my head. It is comforting.

 

[AzureMind]

I have been engaging in it rigourously lately. It may be wrong, but I am depressed and I have so much in my head. It is comforting.

It's REALLY comforting....so comforting sometimes, I don't wanna come out...I don't want to be out. I don't think that's any good.:unsure: Everyone is entitled to a life, of joy, peace, and prosperity, mixed in with a little frustration, and anxiety, but when these somehow through life experience become 'unbalanced', we have to restore order; I'm tired of running and hiding, and feeling like I CAN'T when I COULD; I'm tired of low self-esteem, and living in a body that I don't feel attached to, and when I am, I smoke because I'm so nervous to be fully present...

I admire, and thank the one who was responsible for giving me this gift; but I want it to be over; I want to put it behind me, so that I can enjoy the life, I've got coming to me. I want a happy life, and I DESERVE IT. You guys all do too! ;)