Suicide As A Coping Technique?

[Niall]

Wanted to know if I'm alone in this feeling. I do not have any active plan to commit suicide but take comfort in the fact the option is there.

It's slightly contradictory as I constantly fear for my own life yet find solace in suicidal thoughts. I feel it is because it gives me a sense of control over the end of my life, something I feel I have lost since my experience.

Anyone else get what I mean?

 

[NarcSis]

You're not alone, I too entertain the thoughts at points and I know that it does contradict how much I am actually striving to live. I've discussed it with my T and she came up with the same sort of reasoning, that it seems to be the only decision I feel I have control over when my world spins out of control.

I would hesitate to consider it a coping mechanism, rather, as it was explained to me, mood influenced thinking, completely understandable for the situation....and the situations are temporary.

Have a safety plan just in case and don't hesitate to talk about your thoughts with someone when they come up.

Suicidal thoughts need to be normalized not further silenced and stigmatized.

 

[highlysensitive]

Niall,

You are not alone. I thought I was alone with these thoughts. At times I think about it but I am too scared to do anything about it or I too take comfort in that I can control the fact I have an option. And lately it's worse as my T and I delve into my past. I feel like I at times "what's the point to all of this?" and think about just ending the pain. But then I think I can't because I don't want to give my PTSD any more power than it has over me.

Does that make sense?

 

[TLight]

Sometimes it's the only thing that comforts me when I'm days into horrible pain and suffering. I wrap up the thoughts around me like a pillow and relish the thought that I might just fade into the ethos....rest. Go to sleep and not wake, no dreams, no nothing.

I think about DBT and self soothing. Well, perhaps it is a perverted form, but it sure works for me.

 

[maddog]

I think it's ok to accept that not being here anymore sometimes seems like a good alternative to the present. To be honest, given the depth of struggle that goes along with PTSD, I think it would be hard to imagine not feeling at least a little temptation at times.

I do think that the desire to be dead, and the desire to kill yourself, are 2 quite different states, though one can lead to the other in some instances. Recognizing when thoughts/ideas become active intent is the key, and sadly, it's often at that point that rational objective awareness is the hardest to obtain.

I think Medic gave some excellent advice. And I do think it's better to ask, and to talk, than to be silent. At least I hope so...

Maddog

 

[frozen]

No, you're not alone. I think almost everyone who suffers has these thought at some point.

The only difference between what you said and how I feel personally is that i have no fear of dying at all.
I would welcome it with open arms.

 

[Tinyflame]

I understand frozen, me too. They think that is the primary difference, the absence of the 'normal' fear, the last factor.

I don't think that's entirely surprising, you can only go through so many things and the fear becomes relative, I think.

((((Hugs)))).

 

[dbacs]

Wow, strange to say this but i'm glad there are other people thinking the same thing as myself.

I brought this up with my therapist and family and they immediately wanted me to be admitted into care. All i was trying to say was that i think about it, not want to do it. They took it the wrong way.

Family and friends say its an incorrect way to think, or a disease, or "take this med", but i see now that its normal.

I would assume that its the only possible way to figure out how to expel the feelings until the time when we can actually come up with a better coping mechanism.

Almost like a way to find hope for improvement. So we get that little taste of hope by thinking it can end and realize its possible to improve it, then find a different way to heal without ending things.

 

[nimkekaa]

I too like Medic's advice. I think we need to talk about it more and not be silent.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

I brought this up with my therapist and family and they immediately wanted me to be admitted into care. All i was trying to say was that i think about it, not want to do it. They took it the wrong way.

No offense but I would've said the same thing any suicidal thinking looks like you're walking in the wrong direction. Even if you're not there yet. Having not been suicidal myself I obviously will sound like I don't understand but really, I think your family and therapist understood enough. That kind of thinking doesn't lead anywhere good, and it probably won't hover where it is.

 

[dbacs]

Yeah I think you are missing my point.

I came up with a good analogy last night. For example... There have been a lot of fire engines on the local news lately. I was talking to my neighbor about it. At that time if he said "dude have you ever thought about why a fire engine is red?", i would've said "dude.. yes i think about red fire engines all the time".

The difference is that asking someone who is depressed if they are thinking of suicide is not a specific enough question. Thinking about suicide does not mean you ARE going to do it or are planning on doing it, it just means you have thought about the concept. Even people who have no ptsd or diagnosed depression have thought about suicide at some point, if they say they haven't they are lying. Just the fact they know what suicide is, proves that point.

If someone asked "Are you going to commit suicide" and the answer is yes, then that's a whole different story. Asking someone who is depressed "have you ever thought about suicide?" is like asking if water is wet.

Anyways... back to the topic. Suicidal Ideation definitely is not a good coping mechanism, that's for sure, but it still is one.

I totally understand what the OP means. My health problems prevent me from being able to control my life they way i want to. The ideation gives you some control even though the wrong way.

Lately when i start to get into that zone i try to do something else active, like walking, riding a bike, or just stand up, get up, go to the bathroom, get a drink, or a different room, and change my train of thought.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

I've been using thoughts of taking my life as a 'comfort' for a long time. When things were bad previously I spent a long time planning, it was like self soothing, getting things ready. Knowing it would be there, ready, if I really needed it. But thinking at the same time, not today, just one more day. Bizarely it kept me alive and going.

Recently it's a bit different. Just a sudden urge to do it, with no planning. I've realised what this is linked to, the sudden overwhelming powerful emotions that I can't live with, and I'm dealing with them.

I agree that thinking about taking your life and the feeling that life is too much right now are different things. I think if you were to ask then a lot of people would 'admit' to times when they didn't want to be alive. The stigma around suicide is massive though, everyone seems to over react.

I think anyone whose thought about taking their life needs a safety plan, and this generally includes someone you trust knowing that you are thinking that way. I'm sorry, Dbacs, that you spoke to someone and had this reaction, it is very common though.

My safety plan that has kept me alive to date is - when the needing to end it gets really bad, I get really drunk, as quickly as possible. Not the best plan but it's very hard to do something technical when you're seeing double and too drunk to stand.

I would recomend that everyone feeling even a little suicidal gets together a basic safety plan - preferably one that's better than mine ;)