My Ptsd Is Like A Yo Yo.

[Deleted member 12723]

Each day is different. It is a struggle to have to change and adapt to the fluctuation in the moods and the anxiety and the symptoms.

Today I am under the waves of my symptoms. I find it almost impossible to put it into words.

I am feeling tired of it all today. I try to do battle with it. I try to be cheerful and optimistic about the healing process. I was doing so well.

I am having the aftershocks of the emdr. It is a hard reality to cope with. I was feeling so good initially. Then the inner shifts began to take place. I do not know what they mean to me.

Mabe they are feelings I had when the traumas were going on. I can only guess. I really do not know. On days like today I do not feel like doing anything. I am giving myself the treatment and pampering myself.

I feel so sad on days like today. But I cannot cry. I think that would help alot. I feel depressed and things look bleak, colored over with the depression.

I try so hard. But today is a bad day. I hate being so negative. I guess I do not have anything to complain about because this does not happen to me very often.

What are some of the things you all do to lift your spirits and make yourself feel better?

I hate how the days pick you and you do not pick the days. I try to count my blessings. I am really grateful that I do not have to do anything today and can take this day off.

Any tips or advise or suggestions would be welcome. Thank you in advance.

 

[piratelady]

I am sorry you are having a down day. PTSD is definitely like a yo-yo, up days and down days. For me, doing just as you plan - taking a day to do nothing is so helpful for me. I try to take time to do only the things I enjoy doing.

I have also begun keeping a log of the things I do that I am proud of. Then on days when I am not feeling good about myself, I can turn to my list of the good things. It helps me to see that I am not as bad as I think and it helps me to pick myself up and keep on going.

Do you have any hobbies or things that you enjoy doing? Perhaps doing something you like today will also help to lift your spirits. I hope you start to feel better soon. Hugs

 

[Red Feather]

I think it is the EMDR. You were working on really hard memories and EMDR works on levels that we are not always aware of. Don't go hard on yourself for complaining because it is really good for you to talk about it and communicate. I always go for a walk while listening to music. I love listening to music. And I also want to start doing some fitness to help me get grounded. That might not be the best option I don't know. But I am sure doing some physical excercise is helpful. But also if you do not feel like doing anything that is okay too. Take good care and rest. I hope that is possible.

 

[RubyTaco]

Days like this I treat myself. Even if it's just vegging and reading a good book. Maybe a nice bubble bath. I try not to push myself. Sometimes I feel guilty about being selfish, but I know it's better for me (and those around me) in the long run. Hope you feel better!!!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you guys for the insights and tips. I am beginning to feel better. I am giving myself the treatment and I am doing things I like. I hate my life being dictated by moods. I really appreciate the help and support and encouragement.

Nadia I think it is a side effect of the emdr too. I do not know what it is but it is coming up. I will journal on it later on.

 

[RubyTaco]

I hate my life being dictated by moods.

Couldn't agree more.

 

[KP the nut]

I have also begun keeping a log of the things I do that I am proud of. Then on days when I am not feeling good about myself, I can turn to my list of the good things. It helps me to see that I am not as bad as I think and it helps me to pick myself up and keep on going.

I also journal thing of which I am proud/grateful for/thankful for/pleased. I am on journal 4. I look at the progress and it is astounding.

Also even on v bad days I will write something even if it is just being thankful/proud that I survived a bad day.

 

[Abrasky]

Oh that is exactly what I am feeling at the moment. Actually burst into tears when you said that gizmo. I liek how you said you don't know what all the inner shifts mean you and they are aftershocks.

I think they are like aftershocks of my therapy sessions that went into the really 'deep' stuff that I hadn't been able to deal with before. My psychologist went into stuff I hadn't been strong enough to deal with until 11 years of therapy had past, a bit like the intensity of EDMR I guess.

At the moment I deal with it by reminding myself of my husband and son have not abandoned me and love me, it kind of offsets the negative feelings I have.

When I dissacotiate really bad, and it gets quite bad, I can feel the anger come up and I just go have a break. I sought of have to be careful though or I end up avoiding the anger, the rage so much that I have a break all the time.

I feel like I am on a wheel of personality moods and it just randomly stops. It makes me almost forget about the day before. Life is a blur.

I write a journal and that helps a lot.

 

[shell]

((Gizmo)), hope you are feeling better, it was a really hard memory that you dealt with, and sometimes we need to really recognize how awful it was, and give that little girl the hug she never got at the time.

Please don't forget that grieving what happened to you is also part of the process, and that it's okay to feel what you feel, and to cry.

I think it's great that you are always so positive, and cheerful. To cheer myself up, I put on my favourite music and walk, I love walking my dog, and just getting out of the house. Staring at the same walls all the time drives me nuts.

I live in a very pretty area, and it enables me feel the world is beautiful, if I am surrounded by the beauty of nature. Driving to a nice park, or beach and walking, and enjoying the birds and just watching the people around me, always relaxes me. Making lunch, and eating it in a park, watching kids play, anything that gets me out of the house. My favourite time is 5am, in summer when no-one is around, and it's not too hot, to go for a walk.

 

[intothelight]

(((Gizmo)))

I am sorry you are having such a tough time today. But I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and know that this will pass. I am hoping that after you work through this, you will find that you feel even better than you did before.

You are doing so well and even when it is rough, you are still so positive. You are such a good example and inspiration for so many here.

Deb

 

[anthony]

Yep... yo-yo adequately summates PTSD IMHO. I have good days and bad days... just the good days are a lot more nowadays providing I manage myself. Some times the best management still fails and I just fall on my arse due to nothing other than PTSD.

The only thing I've found is to continually isolate known problems one at a time, work on the issue, correct it the best you can so its no longer impacting negatively, then move onto the next. Slowly life keeps coming together for me.

Time is a requirement depending on severity IMO.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words to me. I am feeling alot better. The bad feelings passed away and I am ok. Tommorow is another day. I find talking about it and getting help and support does make a huge difference for me. I think this day went by very fast. I needed to take a nap but I did not do that. I have a hard time taking a nap in the middle of the day.

It was like a nightmare the bad feelings. But now my memory of it is blurred and it is as if it never happened. Each day is different. I hate my life being dictated by my moods. I hate the anxiety I get every morning. Even though I have changed my morning routine, I still get the morning anxiety. I am so sick of it. I will have to do battle with it. I need to change my way of thinking.

My daughter called me today and it cheered me up. One granddaughter is in ballet and the other one wants to learn how to play the banjo. They start school next week. I will go for a coffee with my daughter again. it lifted my spirits. I need to find things that will lift my spirits.

I need to make a positive journal for myself. I have one around here somewhere. I will start keeping track of the good I have in my life. I have to take better care of myself. I have to get a handle on the bad feelings. Anyways thanks so much for seeing me through this difficult day. Thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate it alot.