I'm yet to be able to read this thread as I would like - one post after the next.
I'm still at too great of risk of being triggered and losing precious time. Just once thus far, (hopefully not this round) but hell once is enough.
And, I do mean triggered and not stressed. If it keeps me awake, starts me into obsessively thinking with uncontrollable tension and fear within the present intertwined with past trauma and injury and makes me lose my appetite, cease to be able to concern myself with the present, sometimes people, self-care and time and otherwise raises stuff from the depths, then I've been triggered.
Having said this I know that others are not responsible for being at the other end of me being triggered.
I however am and as tempting as reading all this in consecutive posts, even with little free and borrowed time, I find myself controlling just when I can and cannot risk this reading.
So many of my injuries, even abuses resulted from me being extremely ill and having numerous people, including mother, doctors, family, once a beloved boyfriend, many an acquaintances and those of whom called themselves a friend, - conclude perhaps in ignorance, moralize, judge and condemn me for being deeply injured, traumatized, ill and unable to help myself. Unable to pass all of many consecutive tests or to secure and balance various different types of treatment for progressively increasing times of inflammation, and forms of illness and outcomes most of which either is, and/or directly stems out from my early Ptsd, ......and to do so, all still while caring for the needs of a handful of sufferers and numerous others:
The test of:
• for whatever earthly reasoning being rejected understanding, educated or informed support, or even just that family member who loves and supports you, doesn't understand, but loves and supports you anyway.
• locating the help exclusively by oneself
• arriving at the help
• discovering that the help is really of no help, but within reach
• discovering that the help is of real help, but out of financial reach
• locating and putting trust in people and services only to be informed that you need no help - perhaps too this or that, therefore to well and not in need
• locating and putting trust in people and services only to be told you are to ill for such specific and too narrow of services
• locating and trusting the help only to be thereafter instructed to follow damaging approaches, though well-accepted as a solution, indeed turn out to be of greater damage.
• locating help only to be instructed to abandon one's ideas and experience of what one believes to be wrong and to go forward replacing reality with cluelessness, misdiagnosis and partial truths, therefore only to follow through, resulting in partial or failed treatment
• locating services that turn out to be significantly, perhaps permanently injurious and destructive only to then need to fit such additional recovery into ones day.
• locating services and help, to go onto improve and or heal only to meet up unexpectedly against uncontrollable forces that undermine and remove such aspects of improvement, healing and possibilities for greater success.
• wake up one day and discover, you've been judged upon appearance, while indirectly it suggested that you among others are not good enough, nor is your definition of what success means.
And, I could just go on for hrs......... :eek: I won't!
I think so many people have been so programmed that they believe they have no voice. Or if they use it they will be reprimanded for it! I saw this and it made me think of the thread.
Concluding in my exhaustion that though I agree with the above, there are still others whom, all while knowing that they have a voice, for numerous unavailable reasons, (which fall beyond their control) Cannot, ......and other times thru wisdom choose not and - specific to me: should not, always use it.
I think I have so great of struggles with this thread due to my religious beliefs, but that's a whole other story.
