Dealing With People Who Deny You

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Britt. Courage and strength to you. This is a crazymaking and high drama and toxic situation. Wishing you the best. Big hugs.

 

[saffy]

She said I wasn't really raped. That I just made that up.

Hi Violet03,

It seems the problem is hers not yours. Ask her why she feels she has to say this, would she find it hard to love the child if she admits the truth?

It is so hard to hear when someone belittles the way you feel or dismisses it as lies. How dare they think that your feelings are not important. If that is the case stop wasting any more time and energy in trying to make them understand. They never will, you need to come to terms with that. This will help stop the person fight and anguish. Only give energy to those who understand or are willing to listen and be empathic, and figure not all people are like that unfortunately.

I feel really let down when they dismiss or belittle but I do not waste any energy on them.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Violet03]

Thanks saffy. The hard part is I have not wasted any energy trying to explain anything to them. I don't know why she feels compelled to tell people, especially my daughter lies like this. Maybe that's why she says these things. I have never told them want happened. They just accepted me and my daughter in the family while I was still pregnant with her after the rape. I never talked about it to anyone.

 

[saffy]

The hard part is I have not wasted any energy trying to explain anything to them.

Sorry, I should have explained that better, not wasting energy was more for Jaret being denied. Sorry.

However, I don't understand when you say you never talk about it, and you never told them what happened, then why are they saying you are now making it up, something doesn't figure here, or I have read it wrong in which case I apologise in advance. :) Maybe they were saying this for another reason, is she actually trying to cover it up ? Who else is she speaking like this to and why?

Hugs
Saffy :)

 

[Violet03]

Sorry for the confusion. I certainly don't want to take anything away from Jaret.

I have been dealing with her telling people lies about me since right after I met her. She has told some of my friends, and I assume others. My friends used to come to me to confirm if things were true. I am not sure why she has done this m

 

[saffy]

Violet03 :)

You wasn't taking anything hun, but I did not mean to imply that you should waste energy in your case. In fact I think you should get an alli and try to get a meeting with just her in a mutual place. Ask her calmly why she feels she needs to tell everyone lies and tell her how it makes you feel, how it is affecting your life and your daughters and your husbands. A lot of people will suffer, it will have a knock on effect if you allow this to continue.

Do you really need someone like this in your life?

Hugs
Saffy :)

 

[Violet03]

No, but I have no choice. My husband is very loyal to his mom. In fact, they are not in good health. We are the ones that may end up taking care of them. That means they may live with us. I would do it but it would hurt me more knowing what she said and he doesn't stand up for me.

 

[saffy]

No, but I have no choice. .....he doesn't stand up for me.

Violet03, he doesn't need to stick up for you, you are having a grown up conversation about a situation that is affecting your lives and needs changing for the sake of everyone.

Do you want to live like this till they die? You need to be happy in this too, it is not all about them, you are an equal part of the family no more no less important than the rest and If they treat you like this they need to back off.

Why should you suffer day in day out? you will just resent them even more and beat yourself up for doing it anyway. That is no life and not fair on anyone.

Hugs
Saffy :)

 

[Violet03]

I guess I don't see myself as equal. I feel worthless, therefore unequal. Thanks for trying to be so strong for me.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Philippa, This happens with my family. If I am telling them I am stressed and I am trying to come out of it. They would say, it's very easy to come out. They would say I am not stressed and won't believe if I am going to explain about this.

They are not healthy nor supportive. I'd say, find people who aren't invalidating to go to for support, and give these others NO information they can invalidate.

Hang in there. The less info you give them, the less they can hurt you when you're vulnerable. Set your sights ahead. :>

 

[saffy]

I guess I don't see myself as equal

Try to work on that Hun :) We will all support you :)

hugs
Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

Sorry, I should have explained that better, not wasting energy was more for Jaret being denied. Sorry.

Sorry for the confusion. I certainly don't want to take anything away from Jaret.

Dear Saffy and Violet, I don't feel denied. I accept sometimes I may not understand woman's feelings and their emotions. It's beyond me. I am man,too. That's another thing. I have accepted when I will have my wife in my life, there will be things of her which will take lot of times to understand. Though that won't make me understand every woman. I accept my limits.

But I feel you both understood I was trying to help out violet03. I was trying to encourage her to ask questions and looking for support without any hesitations. It seems she is on right track. Thank you for that. :)

I am sorry Violet03, if my opinion made you feel not properly validated.