Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Shellbell]

Springer80 is right, it does feel very messy and it won't be that way forever. I just need to get through the really messy time, however long that takes. Seems like a unbearable situation sometimes, but each time I feel like I am seriously on the edge, I do pull back, even if it is with numbing and dissocation, but they come in handy until I learn better coping skills.

Abstract, thank you for validating how incredibly stressful the situation of the pyscho abuser, who only served a fraction of the prison time he deserved, and how having to move to the other side of the world to escape his threats caused immense amounts of stress. Emigrating is stressful to anyone, but needing to escape death threats and knowing the legal system fails to adequately protect, and your child is involved is frightening beyond words.

I wrote a timeline of my history of trauma and my T now has that. I didn't put in there the stress that emigrating caused.

In fact, I left out lots of more minor trauma like a near car crash in my 20's where everyone bar me seemed traumatised (I dissociated and numbed), school bullying, workplace bullying leading to 2 people being sacked, both my husbands having ex wives who caused huge stress - including one hating me obsessively and following/stalking me etc which lead to the police being involved and there's more. To me, these incidents didn't factor in the 4 page typed trauma list I had. But these things no doubt did play into the accumulation of damage caused.

My husband thinks I should tell my T about all these things too. I think these things alone are traumatising to some people, but to me they were just life. I've had far worse.

 

[Abstract]

In my opinion emigration can take about two years to settle down from. Not very helpful event for you especially considering the context. Even having therapy out of ones culture must have it's disadvantages.

What I have found for me is that even when things are not as "bad" as big stuff they can have a significant impact on my symptoms and somehow get mixed up with the big stuff at times. I don't know why but some things that are direct triggers for emotional abuse situations for me actually cause flashbacks to some much "bigger" stuff. And it seems to me that I feel like I was maybe like one of those rocks one finds next to the sea - worn down a little by each wave. So in regards to your "lessor" truama's of the past: I would say it is maybe best to tell her and put it into your timeline. I may be wrong but I have been so convinced that things did not factor in my present and been found to be wrong. Now I don't trust my opinion or reaction to past stuff at all.:confused:

If I had the skills I would mix up some bad mojo and put a spell on that excuse of a human being who did all that. :sneaky: I am sorry that you experienced all that. No one should ever have to.

 

[Shellbell]

Yes, I will tell her the extra stuff. She should know. I hope she doesn't dump me because I am too much to deal with! :eek:

 

[Abstract]

I think those feelings come from how we feel about ourselves. Your T sounds like she is more than capable of dealing with the situation.

 

[Tanishq]

Am I making sense?

Yes, Pencil. :)

 

[Tanishq]

Introversion
The ability to enjoy one's own company is one of the greatest gifts life has to offer. Learning to turn my thoughts away from all my responsibilities at the day's end and take my mind into a state of peace and benevolence enable me to carry greater and greater loads without feeling burdened. When my inner landscape is full of beautiful thoughts, everything I do is a pleasure. Gently, I calm down chaotic situations and offer solace to troubled minds.

Hi Saffy,

I do think I am good virtuous person, but it is instilled by people who I surround often. Such as this forum feeds positivity and good intentions in my mind. It helps me to become healthy and raising my attitude to as high as it is within my capacity. I am amazed.

Thank you for this insights. I do know, I was influenced by abusers to little degree, but that's washing away as I carry positive activities.

:hug:

 

[Tanishq]

I could like it one million times.

*turns on silly funnyness*

And gizmo steals million people's hearty words and speaks from herself.

*turns of silly funnyness*

:D

 

[Tanishq]

it will shine out and give others hope.

Whoa Tessa. I liked this a lot. :)

 

[Shellbell]

I am so glad this thread has given such positive and hopeful conversation and advice for so many who are struggling.

That's the point of this forum, to give as well as take advice and support :)

 

[Tanishq]

I was thinking on validation point. Indeed, we all need to validate. It's not that easy stuff either as people make it sound. I have talked to many people and most of them tell me I am too much validating things. Now I think it is necessary to validate things. If we don't know what is going on in our heads, probably we will never learn the fact or our reality.

Shellbell, I am like you. I try to validate because I want to understand what's happening with me. I don't know, but I have your efforts to make things validates are right. Let the validation happen and flow with its flow, that feelings of burden shall go away.

 

[Tanishq]

Sometimes people get feared and try to stop us. The way we are validating and reaching to conclusion may make others jealous of us. They envy that we may get the big picture finally and solve it. I met many kinds of this. It annoyed me a lot.

 

[Shellbell]

Validation of what we have been through and continue to go through is important, but mostly within ourselves, about our own trauma's and experiences.

It's easier for me to validate someone else's experiences than my own, as I have always minimised my own and been in denial. I'm only just starting to validate my own experiences for myself and it's a process in itself.

I think envy and jealousy are a fact of life and I've had my share of people putting me down due to their own inadequacies. Which is sad. I may wish my life had been easier, but I don't envy people in a negative way.

I am truly thankful and glad for people that have had a less traumatic life. And I care deeply for those who have had trauma in their lives. If there are those in life who do not want me to succeed in my journey or anyones journey, then that is really sad, as I want everyone to succeed in theirs. But there are people out there who are mean, bitter and self centred.

My husband has has a 'normal' life, with very few bad experiences (well except maybe marrying me :rolleyes:). I am very thanful for this, as I wouldn't wish my life on anyone.

I think the fact that many of us who have been through so much, have so much compassion and understanding for others, causes some to dislike us. You can see the ones who really care on this forum and are supportive. I'm always told by friends and my H I am too nice and care too much, but I'd rather be that way than the opposite.

Jaret, you are one of those very caring and compassionate people, who will have people who envy you and it's a reflection of themselves, not you. :hug: