Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Deleted member 12723]

Well said Shellbell. I wish I could like your post a million times.:)

 

[Abstract]

Agreed. :)

 

[Pencil]

I think our mind/body/nervous system will always do what it can to re-balance itself. Sometimes brings what looks like a defeat but the 'death' of anything means another life, it happens naturally. I sometimes wonder if we are ever as in control as we reckon.

Shellbell, Springer is making a very good point - and a very important point to keep in mind.

Right now, you are holding a lot of what happened, what will happen, what needs to happen, what might happen, what might not happen, what should happen etc etc etc in your conscious mind - which is understandable, given the fact that 'it' has somehow now risen to the conscious level, where it needs to be for a while. But we are much more than a conscious mind. Right now it might seem that every step of the way will have to be the result of conscious effort and tiny chronological and incremental steps on a conscious level - and that is obviously daunting. Such a process would take a few hundred years and would be mentally and physically exhausting. And bloody boring to boot. But you have to become aware of yourself as an infinitely intricate and amazing SYSTEM, in which the conscious processes actually play a very small role.

I've often been amazed in my own life by the fact that I struggle with something for ages, and then one day realise that somehow it had all come together somehow on its own, somehow magically.

Trust yourself, your higher something, your inner this or that, your deepest thingy, your WHATEVER, as well as the miraculous system that constitutes YOU. Our innermost processes are never linear, they never make perfect sense - sometimes they make absolutely no sense, they can never be fully understood. Don't try to work it out on a conscious level. Don't try to control every step of the way. Please just trust. Magic happens inside all of us all the time.

You will be fine. I know that. And it will happen when you're not looking.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Wow Pencil well said. I wish I could like this a million times. You inspired me and comforted me. Thank you very much.

 

[Pencil]

Post script to my previous post:
Of course you will deal with a lot on a conscious level, and you will have to, and you will feel like SH%T most of the time, but trust that there will be another process(es) going on at a deeper/higher/dimensional level at the same time - and that in time these will somehow converge - and that is when healing seems to 'just happen'.

 

[Pencil]

. Thank you very much.

Thank YOU Gizmo.

 

[Pencil]

Shellbell, may I ask you a personal question? When exactly did the ptsd stuff hit you full force?

 

[Pencil]

Remember where we find ourselves has nothing to do with what we would like it to be. Sometimes the choices we make are about what we have to do rather than what we wish we could be doing or needing.

This describes much of my process. Often our 'success' has more to do with denial of the self than failure has to do with being in denial regarding hope.

 

[MissMacD]

Therapy can magnify the effects of PTSD because it requires us to think about unpleasant feelings and situations. With the right direction and support it is possible to come to a better place with yucky past events.

I have such an incredible amount of empathy for you because I so know the feeling of being too far beyond repair to bother fixing anymore. The truth is that we have chosen to reach out for help all for our own reasons instead of festering in isolation.

 

[Tanishq]

Dear Shellbell,

It's easier for me to validate someone else's experiences than my own, as I have always minimised my own and been in denial. I'm only just starting to validate my own experiences for myself and it's a process in itself.

Same here. I can easily see and understand what they want to say, when it comes to me I start failing. I think, this is why we are looking for validation and fall for too much validation? No, you won't answer this question right now. I am sorry. but I want you to observe yourself for two weeks. Then you will answer this question. ok?

I think the fact that many of us who have been through so much, have so much compassion and understanding for others, causes some to dislike us. You can see the ones who really care on this forum and are supportive. I'm always told by friends and my H I am too nice and care too much, but I'd rather be that way than the opposite.

I like your caring, wisdom and making good kind efforts on this forum. :)

Yes, I trust you Shellbell.

I am jealous in a funny way with gizmo and her mocha frappe time. :D I want to do childlike positive activity with her. What I would do? When she is buying mocha frappe, I would sit in front of with box full of chocolates. (Cadbury Dairy-milk brand.) I will wait for a while, to see her jealous expressions. :D Then I will lure her, want to eat? I won't give her, but I will share some chocolates with you to make her jealous of my chocolates. :P I hope some day I get to eat mocha frappe.

Back to topic, those invalidators really confused me with their bad attitude and yes, when they wanted me to fail in my journey. It hurt me the most.

But I didn't understand one thing about you. Why do you feel you are in denial?

I denied many things in my life. I denied that I will have to start looking for healthy connection. I am not in need of them. I am perfect and so on...

Big :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Yes, Shellbell I read that imigrating to other country concern of yours. I tell you, that is not joke which could be taken lightly. Or it would taken like we are in other country and now we will make it work together.

It's very heavy. First your abuser gave you big enormous threats and feeling of insecure.

I can't imagine your state of mind, it must have been hard. I think this phase must have took out everything from you. Other friends in this thread right on that. You have taken so much. You seem worried about your family.

One good point came in mind. I liked it very much. Most married women don't even think the way you have been thinking. I have seen people giving up too quickly and too easily.

Some times I think, you want to secure somethings first and so you can eliminate the bigger thing. Your mind seems busy in that direction and there you may be validating too much. not to fall back.

 

[Shellbell]

Shellbell, When exactly did the ptsd stuff hit you full force?

Pencil, your posts on here have been very helpful and thank you for them.

I have always had nightmares, insomnia and hypervigilance, dissociation and varying levels of depression (suicide attempts) since being a child having CSA and very abusive parents. This worsened and continued as the multiple trauma and abuse occurred over 3 decades. But through my 20's and 30's I was high functioning, running on adrenaline.

My PTSD 'crash' as I call it, started a year ago, when my functioning and coping ability began to be badly affected and I had to give up my business last Christmas, and resulting in a full on breakdown by July this year.

I had a mental health assessment in August and was diagnosed with severe chronic PTSD with delayed onset and MDD.