Anyone Else Go From Normal To Suicidal Within Minutes?

[LSNP]

My biggest fear and my biggest source of hopelessness is that I am going to live like this and feel like this forever.

I am so much worse than I was even at my worst. I was in crisis state for so long... years.

Now I do not know what I am.

 

[Abstract]

Schneidman said that the way to alleviate suicidality is to alleviate the psychological pain by decreasing the atmosphere of feeling trapped.

I have found this essential for me too! I am very careful to always find something to help to break the trapped feeling. And separately avoiding negative pain inducing people is essential to trying to commit to life for me.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Wow (((((((hugs)))))))) to everyone suffering from the desperate feeling of suicide! I never knew other people do this. I decided a while ago that those thoughts were my end to feeling pain. I just take it for face value because it has been going on so long. It is my mind coping with what I can't.

I look at it as my safety net and once it catches me I need to pay attention to my needs! Feel it and do not act on it! I hope I never go beyond the thoughts. It would cause others pain and that is not my intention. Thank you everyone who sharing!

 

[LSNP]

A therapist once told me that what I am feeling is not "suicidal" because I simply cannot. I am a mother. I cannot hurt my children in that way. She told me, instead, it is a "death wish." I believe she was right. I wish for it, would welcome it, but there is NO WAY I could do it. I love them too much.

 

[Abstract]

I wish for it, would welcome it, but there is NO WAY I could do it..

Snap LSNP. Exactly. No matter how bad it is or how it hurts I have seen the affects of suicide and never loose that. I will not inflict a trauma on anyone if I can help it.

 

[rightkindofme]

I understand where that book is coming from. I told my husband this weekend that I feel like I would do anything, including kill myself, just because I need to get away from how much pain I am in. I have been in a lot of pain for a long time. I'm not sure how much longer I can bear this load.

 

[woundedsoul]

I went from "normal" to suicidal in minutes. I went into shock when my girlfriend called me and told me my home was being auctioned the next day in foreclosure. My husband had not informed me of foreclosure nor the auction. My thoughts were: I cannot tell my children they are homeless over and over and over. Nothing else entered my mind.

I attempted suicide on Oct. 17, 2011. A little more than a year ago was the anniversary of what would have been my death. I attended an Al-Anon group on Oct. 18th of this year and told everyone exactly that. I am lucky to be alive today. I couldn't believe I attempted suicide knowing how this would harm/traumatize my children, however, that thought did not once enter my mind, at the time. It was only immediately afterwards, as I was coming to in the mental hospital. My mind went totally black/empty. They told me at the hospital I dissociated.

I am very happy to report that I have made enormous strides in recovery since then, but I still struggle. I have a trauma therapist now. I stopped posting here because I was devoted solely to my recovery and I found some posting triggering my PTSD.

I hope and pray you all are recovering. I find the PTSD symptoms come and go in waves depending on what is going on around me...people, places, and things that are very stressful, such as worrying about homelessness still. However, Al-Anon has helped me also to focus on me and not all the craziness/stresses from everywhere else. I've learned to focus on NOW, not the past nor the future. That's easier said than done, but I'm working very hard on trying to do so now.

Thanks for the question. I for one am grateful to be alive and having the opportunity to recover.

 

[LSNP]

Snap LSNP. Exactly. No matter how bad it is or how it hurts I have seen the affects of suicide and never loose that. I will not inflict a trauma on anyone if I can help it.

Which makes us feel even more trapped. Hell, we don't even get the option to END IT! ;-) I am winking tonight. Feeling a tad humorous. Better than black, better than black.....

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm glad you are still here woundedsoul.

 

[LSNP]

I understand where that book is coming from. I told my husband this weekend that I feel like I would do anything, including kill myself, just because I need to get away from how much pain I am in. I have been in a lot of pain for a long time. I'm not sure how much longer I can bear this load.

I have sat in a closed garage in a running car more times than I care to remember. I always shut it off. You can, too.

 

[LSNP]

I am very happy to report that I have made enormous strides in recovery since then, but I still struggle. I have a trauma therapist now. I stopped posting here because I was devoted solely to my recovery and I found some posting triggering my PTSD.

I find coming here is bad when I am feeling a tiny bit strong. However, that is how I feel about therapy, too.

 

[Abstract]

Which makes us feel even more trapped. Hell, we don't even get the option to END IT! ;-) .

Yes LSNP! Exactly.

I also find it hard to separate avoidance from self preservation sometimes when it comes to therapy or discussing any of this stuff.