New Here, New To Ptsd Diagnosis... Everything Feels So Far From Normal And See No Way Out!

[missing_the _sunshine]

Hi everyone,
1st time user so excuse the nerves and blubbering post. Have just recently been diagnosed with PTSD and depression, though if I am honest with myself think that I have been living with it for a long time. Lost my best friend in a car accident right in front of my eyes, it was my turn to drive that day but I had an appt so we had taken 2 cars, I pulled over to answer my phone and she continued then it happened. She was an amazing individual and had everything going for her was going to achieve so much in her life. Instead hers was cut short and mine spared - everyday I carry around so much guilt, should have done more at the time to save her, should have been me. The second incident was late last year, when I had to revive my aunty and it didn't work. Since the 2nd event things have seemed so overwhelming and the guilt is insane. How on earth do I get past it or learn to process it when I feel so responsible for the 2 events? Have just started therapy - my therapist thinks I am "severly, severly depressed and suffer from PTSD"....everynight I attempt all the tricks NOT to sleep because the nightmares are so bad. I need to sleep but am so scared because I know what is coming! Any help or advice would be appreciated because I feel like I am spiralling out of control. Thank you all so much for your time - sorry for the long winded post.

 

[Adrienne12]

Hi Missing. You came to the right forum. I hope you are able to find some comfort here. This forum isn't a magic cure but it does help. You can come on here and vent whenever you need to.

I am sorry for the loss of your friend as well as your aunt. Both are very tough situations. In time....things will get easier. I know it doesn't seem like that but it will. Keep coming back and keep writing.

 

[livergirl70]

Hiya Missing,

Welcome and I am so sorry for you losses. What you are probably feeling is survivor guilt and your therapist will be able to help you through it. I know what you mean about the sleeping bit though and found it easier to just sleep for a couple of hours at a time to start with so I didn't keep getting the nightmares. Cos you don't apparently get to the dream stage until the 3-4 hour mark

 

[Jestadud]

Hello MTS ( sorry but your name needs abbreviating) welcome to the site where you will find lots of information and help. Hope one of those tricks you talk of doesn't include alcohol because you will find many reasons not to include that on here.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thank you so much Adrienne, for your support - I really do appreciate it. Makes me feel a little less alone.

Thanks for your advice livergirl - I have not heard that about the dream stage. I am currently working on no sleep for 2 weeks, which is fine when I am on holidays but I go back to work next week and can't afford for my work to be affected. My therapist said that she can give me some techniques to do before going to sleep but isn't going to because she knows that there are bigger issues which need to be priority at the moment. Thanks again for your support.

Thanks for your support Jestadud - Alcohol certainly isn't included in my bag of tricks. Grew up around a lot of drinking so no way am I headed in that direction.

 

[intothelight]

Hi MissingTheSunshine,

Welcome to the forum and I am sorry about your losses.

Sleep problems are a catch 22 for PTSD sufferers. It is difficult to sleep and the lack of sleep can make symptoms worse. When you have a chance, search the site for information about sleep. There are so many useful posts, and with the advise of your therapist I am sure you will find some things that work for you.

Wishing you peace.
Debbie