When People Don't "get It".....

[Pinkcake]

What do you do when people don't get that you have PTSD? For me, it is family who witnessed the same thing I did and they don't understand why I'm having a harder time with it than they supposedly are. They don't understand why I'm in therapy. I don't know HOW to explain it and it makes me feel bad and unsure of myself and my mental health.

So, how do I explain PTSD to someone who saw what I did and isn't suffering from PTSD?

 

[Aribear]

I have gone through this in my head over and over for myself... This is what I have come up with. No matter who it is, just because they saw the same thing as you did, doesn't meant that they experience it the same way. Everyone (even people we are related to) reacts to things differently.

It's like a movie where one person saw it and thought it was mediocre and forgettable, but it changes someone else's life. Same with music or anything else that elicits and emotional response.

I had to explain this to my sister... that just because she experienced certain events one way doesn't mean it was the only way to experience or feel them. The movie analogy seemed to help her understand a little anyway.

 

[Sues]

Hi Pinkcake, I have no idea how to explain it, but that's why I haven't told anyone about it! I'm scared that I will get that reaction, or worse. Maybe some day I'll get over my anxiety and fear and let someone know.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, family denial is an insidious thing. I think you might be dealing with this. You are the witness of what really happened and it has had deep effects on you. I do not know if there is any way to explain to them what is going on with you.

You have deep unhealed wounds and you are trying to heal from them.

I had to deal with family denial and it was very hard. They never really understood. Of course they were alcoholics/ rageaholics too. I do not talk about it anymore. Not with them. And this is twenty years later. I wish you better luck with your family than I had with mine.

 

[Pinkcake]

Hmm....I've thought on it some. I'm not sure its so much family denial as it is the suck it up and move on mentality that some of them have. It's not all of them that do it, just a couple.

I do get frustrated because they won't listen. I don't know...I'm just really disenchanted with them right now and the thought of going to sit around a Thanksgiving table with them is not appealing. However, because it is my mom's first Thanksgiving without my dad, and I love her dearly, I will suck it up and go.

I can't wait for my next therapy appointment. I have several things that I want to talk to her about.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Hi Pinkcake! Ever hear the saying "you have to walk a mile in my shoes to understand"? Well I just give up trying to explain how it feels in mine Besides mental health professionals and people with PTSD many people do not have the capacity to understand the disorder.

I never tell anyone about my problems other than my T and doctors. I do not need anyone else's understanding anymore and the last thing I want is pity. Cause that sometimes happens trying to explain. I just focus on my journey to get better with coping and working my programs. Hugs to you I know how hard this is!

You seem very sweet for being concerned for your Mom. Doing for everyone else is a part of PTSD. Both of you are having a difficult time now correct? Do what is best for you on Thanksgiving. Give yourself permission.

If I cant bring myself to participate. I just call and say I am sick! It is not lie. No one gets hurt cause they cant understand. You owe no one an explanation you simply do not feel well. Just be careful when making the decision to think it all the way through. Maybe a pros and cons list? I wish you all the best.

Sometimes going over an upcoming event with your T can help. You can preplan coping stategy's lessening the level of anxiety going into the event. I have been pleasantly surprised how much easier it is. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving wherever your heart takes you!

TB

 

[Pinkcake]

Therapy--while i can be very sweet....I am also very co-dependent. That's something else I'm working on in therapy.

I will go to Thanksgiving because its not worth it for a few people (out of 25 or so that will be there) to ruin something that I usually greatly enjoy. I'm just going to tell myself that they don't HAVE to understand. It doesn't matter.

I'm getting treatment for PTSD (and some other issues) because *I* need treatment, not because I need to please anyone. I'm getting treatment so I can be the best mother to my 2 1/2 year old that I can because he is an AWESOME kid.

I'd LOVE to see my T before Thanksgiving but she's off next week and couldn't get me in for another week after that. She's very good so she is very busy. I love having her as my T. She has an amazing way of making you feel welcome and at home in her office. Its easy to talk.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Great to hear you know what you want. Have a great Thanksgiving!

 

[Kyle]

Hey there,

I think you are more in touch with your feelings. You could be more sensitive and that is a nice trait to have. Unfortunately there are people that don't feel bad or can't for the life of them understand what you are going on about. Does that make what you are dealing with any less significant? Of course not but the key is that it is important to you. You could explain it until the cows come home but it is just falling on deaf ears. The irony with trying to communicate with certain family members is probably why you suffer with PTSD and codependency. I have tried talking with my own family but they have looked at me as I am too sensitive and I am the one with the problem. I really understand why people say you can pick your friends but not your realatives.

Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving

 

[saffy]

I think that some people have a much high pain threshold both physically and mentally. How people react to different or the same events is based on how they are predisposed to act.

I get frustrated that people do not think that my reaction is valid. If I feel I have to try and explain myself all the time it drains me of energy and brings me down.

So, I am starting to learn that I do not have to explain my every thought, feeling or actions all the time. They have to accept that my reaction is valid and try to support me in times of possible triggering. I equally have to accept that their reaction is also valid. That does not mean they cannot be of help when needed or know when to step back when not. I have to be allowed to grow and find myself too.

I hope you find a positive way forward :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[twopaths]

I think they also want to tell you that "it's not all that bad" "this will heal given enough time" "get over it already". I sincerely believed it's not their faults, since some going through the same experience react differently, thus some develop PTSD and some don't. They are puzzled why you don't heal like the rest of them. But I don't want them to truly be in my shoes, as it's enough of suffering for me already, I don't feel like getting others to suffer.

 

[Pinkcake]

I have tried talking with my own family but they have looked at me as I am too sensitive and I am the one with the problem.

My family tells me I am too sensitive as well. Sometimes I wonder if they are the way they are because they grew up in a tougher time in my family. I'm more than a decade younger than my siblings.

I get frustrated that people do not think that my reaction is valid. If I feel I have to try and explain myself all the time it drains me of energy and brings me down.

YES!!! A million times. I feel this way and it is SO frustrating. I want to stop but I feel like I have to...like I can't stop my mouth even though my brain is saying, give up, they don't get it. I'm really trying to work on this because it drives me nuts. I feel like Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar if you've ever seen that movie. I don't want to continue on with the conversation but I have no choice.

They are puzzled why you don't heal like the rest of them. But I don't want them to truly be in my shoes, as it's enough of suffering for me already, I don't feel like getting others to suffer.

Neither do I. I just want that understanding that I'm not going to get.