Telling Guilt

[Abrasky]

I have a bit of telling guilt at the moment. I had to tell people 13 years ago about my dad sexually abusing me from 6-9 years old. My grandfather and mum and the community found out when I revealed what happened

I have this idea that a lady or a gentleman doesn't tell as they would hurt people by telling. :wacky: I really hurt my grandfather, and I could tell he was hurt a lot by this, It hurt me so much to see him hurt. I have to carry that memory.

My grandfather had a prominent stabilising role in the community and I also hurt the community.He was very well-liked and had a job where he talked to everyone. So everybody liked him a lot.

Anyone else have found telling of abuse to be traumatising?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Maze as soon as I break the silence and start talking about the secrets, I am overwhelmned with confusion and self doubt, and pain. I find the inner critical voice picks on me more intensely as if to shut me up. I figure that my inner child is trying to protect me and is trying to survive.

But the survival now works against me. It is good to bring this stuff out in the light of day where it can be looked and and questioned and examined.

I think it is a defense mechanism.

The guilt and shame are very intense. It takes awhile to process this stuff. But I have found the fourms have helped so much in seeing things from a as adult perspercpective.

I think it is very traumatitizing to break the silence and exposr the secrets. It will bring freeing liberation to us over time. It will not be an overnight thing I do not think. I sure hope this helps to comfort you and help you out. It feels like we are betraying them when the truth is they have betrayed us. Hugs.

 

[Sues]

Yes, I'm embarrassed and ashamed and uncomfortable. But I also remind myself that's how the abuser gets away with controlling me. He relies on me feeling those things and on me not wanting to talk about it or expose it, or expose him.

We were never allowed to talk about what happened in the house to anyone. We had to keep an appearance of everything being fine.

Well, the hell with that! As victims, we deserve so much better. That's not easy to do, but hopefully with time it will get better.

 

[Tinyflame]

You have to tell someone Maze. If you don't, I think it morphs into larger things, like taht seem feeling simply talking. Even though it feels just as gizmo and others have said.

It also feels better though, if the response is not as you fear.

((((((Hugs))))

 

[Mary Black]

Yes, it forces my body to re-experience the feeling of being there in those moments when I was scared or hurt. And I find that people often respond insensitively, sometimes without realizing it, rather than being able to really hear what I'm saying. It can end up bringing me to that hopeless feeling like I will never heal or find someone who understands me. Just tonight a friend implied that I used to be so much stronger. But back when they knew me years ago I hadn't been through what I have now. I'm that much stronger now for facing the world despite the scars.

Anyone else have found telling of abuse to be traumatising?

 

[Britt.f7]

Maze, you did nothing wrong. You are not the one who hurt everyone, your abuser did that. If your grandfather, or others, say YOU hurt them by telling what happened then they are blaming the victim. You do not deserve this. People should feel hurt because you, a small child, was hurt tremendously and they were either unable to or didn't help.

Sometimes, when I feel bad about what happened or when my mom refused to talk about things or people dismiss me, I have to remind myself that I wasn't the perpetrator. I was the victim and the shame does not belong to me. Realize I may have to tell myself more often then others.