Dating With Ptsd

[bohemianred]

HaHaHa! (laughing with you of course) I also had the same experience of younger men thinking I was a cougar! Actually, Saffy, I think you expressed the way I feel better than I could. Meaningful relationships is the desire...and the creation of the opportunity that romance does grow out of them only sweetens the deal.
I guess feeling open to the romance part is a new feeling for me...and what made me start this post.

Obviously it was triggered (positively) by an encounter with someone...that elicited these 'dormant' feelings in me. I have no idea how to navigate them!!

I have had men attracted to me and profess love for me, but I was not ready to jump into a relationship or anything. I was just out of the abuse and starting the legal battle, being stalked and not in a good spot. One of these men developed a traumatic bond type of love; as I was becoming more aware of the selfless and genuine compassion of the other, he passed away. To be honest though the physical attraction wasn't there.

Maybe that's why this encounter was different, there was undeniable physical chemistry. I felt safe, uncoerced, empowered, autonomous and ultimately beautiful. I want more of that now that I know it's possible. However he's not responding, I'm not sure why, some things did happen in his personal life that may be the factor...maybe he'll let me in, maybe not...

Regardless I want to explore good feelings and stop exploring bad all the time.

I just also want things to be healthy and non-toxic (balanced)

 

[Ricanoland]

Sadly the best relationship I have ever had is the one I am currently in, its a long distance relationship, more than enough space, learned to trust beyond normal means, and of course we still each other as much as we can :) Can't wait for winter break. PTSD is rough on the dating scene, but thank goodness for smart phones and hook up apps right? I am so playing right now, that's disgusting lol.

 

[bohemianred]

I like your humor, Ricanoland! Note to self...must become technologically aware so I can benefit from smartphones and hook up apps, lol!

 

[Springer80]

Cant help thinking how funny ptsd'ers smalls ads would be.

Female chronologically aged 32, with various ages of arrested development. 6ft 1 at full height, 2ft 3 when hiding. Interests include adrenaline abatement and getting by, favored pastimes include, sleeping, baths, swimming, cuddles, yoga etc. Has potential to get overly excitable about experiencing anything postive yet normal. Dry sense of humor is a must.

 

[bohemianred]

Springer80, you've got me on the floor in hysterics! I may try to use that in my next profile...lol.

 

[saffy]

Regardless I want to explore good feelings and stop exploring bad all the time.

Me too :hug:

FInding those feeling will be hard though. When I have them I go off the wall. ;)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[bohemianred]

When I have them I go off the wall.

Me too! Good feelings are healthy, especially when we are riddled with the bad...but then I guess it`s overwhelming to those who don`t understand...needy even, which I personally worry about being overly so...years of being abused for having them. Everybody has needs...I don`t understand why anyone would make another feel like a lesser person for having reasonable needs, especially as simple as a sense of safety.

 

[stuff]

So far it's been a nightmare, but I keep trying. Most guys disappear the moment you mention PTSD or get really weird about it. I have huge problems with self-protection and trust which also doesn't help. The fact that I live in a city with a 5 to 1 ratio of women to men doesn't make the experience much easier. Even my friends without psych problems are messed up from living here.

 

[saffy]

Everybody has needs...I don`t understand why anyone would make another feel like a lesser person for having reasonable needs, especially as simple as a sense of safety

FOr me it is understanding my needs and showing my feelings towards them. I also get paranoid, confused and can be very overexcitable. Speaking about them is even harder. Most of the time I think things should be less complicated and much more easier.

Saffy :)

 

[Springer80]

32yr old female with ptsd looking for that special someone who makes no sudden movements! :giggle: Must have good sense of anxiety decompression. Will enjoy eating out sometimes and the occasional retro diet to fit in with regressive states. Will enjoy cosy weeks in under the duvet.

 

[The Hermit King]

I went on one of the really popular dating sites and made a profile just for fun to see what matches it would bring up. I answered every question on the very long survey and I was honest with my answers. By the end of the survey when it went to show me my matches finally, it said I had ZERO matches my area. I felt so awesome. :bored: A LOT of the questions were about social type scenarios and how outgoing I was and I guess I am kind of a hermit most of the time. Nobody wants a hermit crab for a boyfriend apparently.

I am not actually looking for a romantic relationship right now though considering my ex girlfriend dumped just about two months ago and she is still living in my house...for free...supposed to be out "around" the first of the year. So I am sure that would go over reallll nice with the ladies. Anyway so I am kind of just waiting for her to actually be gone so I can move on with my lonely ass life.:shifty: The weird thing was for the last year of the relationship she kept bringing up marriage so maybe it wasn't just the PTSD that she couldn't deal with maybe it was that I did not even so much as entertain the idea of getting married, at least not to her.

The crazy thing is I really do have a good handle on my PTSD, no depression, anger is kept completely in check with daily strength training and heavy bag work, I am not on regular meds anymore I just have a "take as needed" anxiety med for emergencies. I am just very anti-social unless I am drinking, the catch is I only like to drink once a week at most. She goes out EVERY night with her friends drinking and I just don't do that anymore. People that have drank with me and then been around me sober cannot believe I am the same guy but I will never start drinking everyday just so I can fit in. The good thing is usually after I have drank with someone a a few times I can be comfortable around them sober.

Anyway sorry for the long post which may or may not contribute to the original topic. I posted because I know at some point I will have to try and "date" again. Oh and if I came off like I was whining a bit, I was. :joyful: SO anyway I am single ladies and I am on the hunt for a lady hermit crab. HAHA!

 

[Springer80]

The last guy I went out with I really REALLY liked, he said I should 'stop looking/hand in my dancing shoes' etc etc after a month of seeing each other and I honestly felt like he could be right. But the old problem reared its ugly self, he didn't know anything of my condition and hey presto I freaked at being in a corner and SPLAT. All over before I even knew what was happening. I tried to salvage the situation but the more anxious I got the more complicated and clumsy I made everything. Horrible. That was a year ago and the thought of dating makes me feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. It's useless.

PTSD & DATING = Drowning in a sea of jelly fish.

I'm still stupidly hopeful :woot::rolleyes: