Taking A Break

[99Phoenix99]

So...

My appointment today really didn't go well.

I'm really discouraged and frustrated.

I usually go once a week (talk therapy) but I told her I needed break. Since lately it's only been frustrating and really upsetting.

I'm taking a month off. I made an appointment just so I know I will go back.

Has anyone else done this? Taking a break from it?

Some parts of me feels like I'm just running away from facing that frustration and another part of me is just so needing a break from it. So sick of it.

I can't tell of this is me taking care of myself of if this is me running away from a problem :/

 

[Tinyflame]

Yikes, well when I have that feeling it's running away from life, not therapy, so evidently in my case it's not healthy, or it's because of triggers.

Maybe one possibility, is talking about how you feel with your T. And then it might help you in identifying why you are feeling overwhelmed and/or frustrated.

Good luck :hug:.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are the best judge of what you need. I see nothing wrong with taking a break. You made sure you are going back. I hope you enjoy your break. Wishing you the best.

 

[Hashi]

I think it's a good idea.

I took a break from T once when I was seeing my previous T. The reasons were different - there'd been a blip in our relationship and although we'd talked it through I was still having a problem with it. I needed undisturbed time away to get some perspective, and also just to have some time off such hard work. It can be difficult to process things about the therapy relationship while you're still attending each week and talking about other issues. I felt better when I went back, and was able to have a more open discussion with her about how I felt.

My suggestion would be to make a decision not to worry about whether you're running away from a problem. It's only for a month. Commit to having the time and to using it in whatever way's best for you - whether that's to think through some things about therapy or just the opposite, ie to let yourself put it to one side for a while.

 

[Lady Vet]

I can't tell of this is me taking care of myself of if this is me running away from a problem :/

I have a little bit different perspective on this. For me, no matter what I'm doing, I see it as always taking care of myself. That removes the mental chaos of trying to figure out motive or cause, which for me can lead to nothing but trouble...lol. So when I change my perspective to understanding that what creates the difference is which part of me I'm taking care of, well, this changes my focus to the emotional root.

So I enter into a dialogue with the different emotional parts, just as if they were real people....lol. And in this case, I would sit down and listen to the part that feels like therapy is too much right now. By listening to how each part of me feels I can validate my own needs, too. I have also found that there is generally more than one part involved, and so I listen to them all.

I do yoga once a week, and the woman who facilitates it always reminds us that if we need to come out of a pose early, that's called "taking care of ourselves." I think there is a belief that if we're not being hard core and pushing ourselves always to the brink, then we're avoiding or not doing "enough." So taking a break for a month...even if there is a part of you that's avoiding...is still (the way that I see it) taking care of yourself, because that part is telling you that she feels overwhelmed and needs a break. If that were a child, we wouldn't force the child to continue doing something that felt overwhelming...no....we would sit with the child and listen to why she's feeling overwhelmed, and help the child to get empowered again.

This work is exhausting. Taking a break for a month? As long as you're not in crisis...can be a good thing.

I, myself, do not see my T every week precisely because I have learned that I need more time in between sessions to process, put it aside, and prepare for the next piece to be looked at. If I do weekly sessions, there's too much to process, I get overwhelmed, and it undermines what I'm trying to do in the first place. That's just me.

Anyway...I hope there is something in my own experience that you find helpful...if not, that's ok, too :) I'm glad that you're here to ask this great question!

 

[Smushroom]

I think it is a good thing that you have recognised you need a break to take care of yourself. And if you were truly 'running away' or avoiding, you would not have made an appointment to go back. Take care of yourself :)

 

[Sailorgal]

Sometimes a break is needed and sometimes we have to push through. You know what you're ready to handle. Just ensure your T is there when you need them.

 

[Lady Vet]

And one last thought...

I also have a part that "avoids." She is a part of me, and that is her defensive weapon of choice. But there is always a good reason why she uses avoidance, and when I stopped judging her weapon, I could finally hear what she had to say. And that part of me holds wonderful truth. But I couldn't hear what she had to say until I stopped judging her as bad, wrong, unhealthy, etc...as this list could go on for a long time.

Avoidance is one of the survival mechanisms...so she serves a wonderful purpose in my own world.

Blessing for you on your short lived break from therapy :)

 

[Bilby]

:hug: Phoenix. I like what Smushroom said - you've made a committment to go back, and I think that was an important thing to do.

Taking a break can sometimes give us some perspective - I hope this is what the break does for you :)

B x

 

[99Phoenix99]

Part of my problem I guess ... is that I'm flip flopping between denial, acceptance, and grief because of my latest bought of illness.

Honestly the only thing she could say today was you can't look at the future with a bleak outlook because you don't know what will happen.

Which I get. But I also had to point out how horrible my immune system is. I know for a FACT something else will happen because of how poor it is. I'm not trying to be negative I'm trying to come to terms with that fact. No amount of good thinking will change that. My immune system is shot, my simple yet upsetting truth.

She didn't know what to say to me except that I should keep practicing mindfulness.

I don't know. I think I'm looking for an answer no one can give me.

I'm looking for a way to learn to accept my health circumstances that will follow me for the rest of my life.

And... she can't give that to me.

I realized that in my appointment.

I'm trying to accept who I am.

But no one can give that to me.

I need to figure that out on my own.

And right now... that's what all my appointments have really been focused on. And it's frustrating because that's what bothers me the most and that's what she can't help me with.

*sigh*

That's all I've ever wanted from my therapy appointments to begin with. Find a way to accept and cope so that I can move on. And ... it doesn't seem like anything worthwhile is coming from therapy anymore. I get more help here on this site than I do there.

I hope it's like what all of you said, especially what Hashi, LadyVet, and Bilby said, that taking a month off will just let me take a break and go as slow as I need so when the next appointment rolls around I'll be rearing and ready to give it a try again.

Again, thank you for your kind words and concern everyone. Every single reply really does help me in trying to get this figured out.

 

[Lady Vet]

I'm not trying to be negative I'm trying to come to terms with that fact

Phoenix...I have no idea what your health issues are, but I have a similar journey as you. I keep getting cancer because of a gene mutation, which means that I am always in surveillance mode in order to (hopefully) catch the next round with cancer before it gets too out of control. So I really do get how you're trying to come to terms with the realities of your own health issues, and it's NOT negative to accept the hard reality. Becasue in my own case, all the mindfullness in the world isn't going to change my genetic mutation...lol....SO, I have to learn how to live with cancer, and that's the part where the mindfulness helps. But having cancer, that's just part of my dark story. That's not me being negative, that's me living with the plot of a story that I didn't choose.

So, taking the time off will help to get some perspective on the therapy process by which you do not feel supported right now. If you listen to your deepest truth, you will figure out what you need to do at the end of the break. Bless you, for having to walk such a hard road...oh, how I understand that hard road :)

 

[Lady Vet]

Your name really does suit you, doesn't it...out of the ashes, indeed!