Relationship Why Did He Push Away?

[celia]

Feel sorry for the ex girlfriend that he "thinks" hes going to get back too. I'm trying not to sound jaded ok this is not my intention and I wish him all the happiness but...really...who wants him? I strongly believe that they get what they give...and PTSD or no PTSD....there are consequences to giving out ungratefulness, abuse, and negativity, even if they THINK they are excused and even if they act as if they don't know what they are doing. Its so so sad and , I really couldn't live with myself if I had done something like this to someone. That's why I trusted him....who does this kind of stuff? mrod, please keep all options open for yourself, you are deserving of someone good that loves you and appreciates you, no less.

 

[mrod]

Thank you Celia. I'm right there with you on the ex gf part. Especially when I know she's still has a thing with the guy she left him for in the first place. But whatever she ends up doing, it's her problem now. :) I may not know exactly what I want now, but I sure as hell know what I DO NOT want. I thought I could trust this guy with my whole life. I would've taken a bullet for the guy he used to be. Not this guy. And I couldn't do any of this to anyone I "loved." Something is not clicking right in his head, and I am not a doormat for him to come wipe his feet on when needs me and run off with someone else.

 

[celia]

Hi kabeh you've been in my thoughts and prayers. More later. Hugs to mrod and kabeh

 

[HollyB]

My guy is very open, emotional, and discusses exactly how he feels. It's when he becomes overwhelmed with these feelings, he might want to be by himself for awhile.

Recently I've been finding this to be true. Instead of being numb, he seems to have too many feelings, or feeling them all too intensely. I think it's hard for him to reconcile everything he's feeling, and it's after he kinda emotionally vomits that he goes into hiding for a bit. And then he peeks his head out, to see if I'm still there. And each time, I am.

 

[Dallas]

Right now, my guy is so excited (in a good way) about us planning a future together, he is becoming overwhelmed and having trouble sleeping at night. He wants everything to be perfect, and he wants to make sure everything goes right he is wearing himself out. I have been trying to calm him down, saying everything will be fine, God will take care of everything, but he has a hard time letting go. He is a perfectionist. I reassure him and tell him I love him and he seems to feel better.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Sailorgal]

Mrod,

Wow this really hits home for me! I'm the sufferer and can validate 100% what 99Phoenix99 wrote.

My carer broke up with me cos I became the abuser and he could no longer tolerate. I think one thing to keep in mind is that everyone is a unique individual with different personalities. Relationships are fluid-we are not exactly the same with everyone - ptsd or not. I feel for you as your bf was very fortunate to have someone so supportive. His actions sound like a combination of things. Imho, returning to the ex is pride. Guys who are prideful don't like to lose.

Mix in with ptsd, you had a challenge on your hands. There was NOTHING you could've done. The problem with dating someone with ptsd is that you really don't know how bad/how much better they are. It's a toss up.

We are tough to understand but when we do realize what we have, we don't let it go as hard as it may be. My realization came too late. If it were to work out, we would need couples counseling.

It's understandable to be angry. Just know that you have a chance at a healthy relationship (with or without a ptsd-er), and he is in denial and will continue to suffer.

Much happiness to you and hope the anger subsides. :)

 

[99Phoenix99]

Instead of being numb, he seems to have too many feelings, or feeling them all too intensely. I think it's hard for him to reconcile everything he's feeling, and it's after he kinda emotionally vomits that he goes into hiding for a bit. And then he peeks his head out, to see if I'm still there. And each time, I am.

Story of my life. Especially the "emotional vomit" it just spews on out. Expressing how I feel in person is a horrifying and terrifying experience for me. I never know if I'm allowed to say how I feel or not or if it's socially acceptable to do so. So I normally don't. But when I do...? I kind of do the same thing. I go lick my wounds and tentatively reach out to someone not knowing if they'll still be receptive to me anymore or just write me off as too much to bother with.

 

[HollyB]

I never know if I'm allowed to say how I feel or not or if it's socially acceptable to do so. So I normally don't. But when I do...? I kind of do the same thing. I go lick my wounds and tentatively reach out to someone not knowing if they'll still be receptive to me anymore or just write me off as too much to bother with.

And if they are still receptive to you, and showing you that they're still very much there for you and their feelings for you have not changed, does that make you feel safer? Or more fearful?

 

[99Phoenix99]

they're still very much there for you and their feelings for you have not changed, does that make you feel safer? Or more fearful?

I feel both. I feel relieved and fearful.

Relieved and so unbelieavably happy. Almost in disbelief that they still care. That they still want me in their life. And then I feel afraid. My mind starts realing. Thinking to the next time it may happen. I make a promise to myself that it won't happen again. I put pressure on myself to not let it happen again. Because I know there's only so much a person can take before they give up.

 

[FaithJL]

That's a tough place to be in for both the career and the sufferer.

My friend had recently pushed me away. He said he now has a girlfriend therefore he could no longer speak to me the way he did. He told me that 4 days after we thanked each other for being in each other's lives. I was hurt, but I've kept my distance since then.

Tonight, a coworker of ours told me he saw him yesterday. He looked in a bad state. He hasn't shaved, glazed eyes, and forcefully making conversations. My coworker said he looked like he was in a trance.

I feel bad. I'm worried about him. I want to reach out and let him know I'm still around. But, I don't know what to do.

 

[Sailorgal]

That's tough Faith...you can't do anything. He probably doesn't even really "realize" the wonderful friendship he let go.

It's sad to watch someone you care about waste away...but he has to come to that realization on his own. I was lucky that it didn't take years, but every trauma is different.

Know that the care you showed IS valuable abd beneficial...even if HE doesn't see it. :)

 

[HollyB]

I'm thankful for this thread today. There are so many similiar stories. I remember first reading this, just a few weeks ago, and thinking, "Thank gawd he's not acting this way! (pushing me away)"

But now, that's exactly what he's done. He's become nearly pathologically selfish. If I were to stick around now, I'd truly be a doormat. But how to move on, when I promised I'd always be there?