Contant Sense Of Imminent Death - Ptsd Or Something Else?

[71nothing]

I have a constant sense of imminent accident or death to me or one of my children. I'm not sure if that's a symptom of PTSD or if it's something else?

No matter what I do, I have a sense that either myself or one of my children is about to either die or be in a serious accident. I see things in my environment that become signs or premonitions of this occurring.

For example, if I am driving I will get a sudden urge to change the route I am taking. Then I panic and see that thought as a premonition that if I change the route I will have an accident.

I often see special days (birthdays, the last day before my oldest went to college, holidays, graduations, etc) as being a sign of impending danger. I become convinced that the special day will be the day I (or a child of mine) will face this danger or death.

I often just go about my normal routine and continue to function because if I change that routine (such as I just decide to stay in my house and keep my kids home from school) then THAT becomes the sign.

This leaves me living with constant fear and anxiety because no matter what I do, it's generally the wrong choice in my mind. There are routines I can follow to lessen the fear (removing the knobs from the stove nightly, planning my route before I go anywhere and refusing to change it, locking and relocking doors...) but they become quite time consuming.

Is this normal in PTSD or is it something else?

 

[Abstract]

Hi! Welcome here. Do you have PTSD? If the answer is yes then I think it absolutely can be because of it. If you have experienced loss or seen death and are having the past intrude on you then everything can become tainted. I think it could be concerned a sign of hypervigilence. The other condition that can cause thoughts like this is OCD. You might have a bit of OCD happening regardless and it may be worth seeing if you have any other signs of it.

 

[Hashi]

Hi 71nothing,

I think it sounds like it might be OCD. I have PTSD and this has also resulted in OCD for me. I'm sure other people here would explain it differently, but the approach my therapist takes to it - which I find helpful - is that it's basically a response to anxiety. I don't feel safe, and I'm channelling that into concrete fears about whether the windows are locked etc, in an attempt to control it.

It can be extremely miserable and at times I've felt defeated by it. Approaching it with mindfulness and non-judgement has helped, but it was still affecting my life too much. It's become much less recently, after working through some big general issues around safety, and I'm feeling much more hopeful now that I can heal from it altogether.

I see it as a PTSD-related symptom (specifically, anxiety related) rather than a condition in it's own right. The standard approach to it is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and most books about OCD are based on this. Although that's not for me at all, it seems to help some people.

That doesn't necessarily mean it's the same for you, though. It sounds like it would be a good idea for you to get a professional diagnosis and support. Are you able to talk to a doctor or therapist about it?

 

[71nothing]

Thank you both for feedback.

I am diagnosed with PTSD and I do see a therapist. It seemed to surface as my time spent dissociating decreased. I was in an almost constant state of detachment for years. After starting therapy that detachment decreased and anxiety and these OCD symptoms began. There are days they are very mild but there are days that it's exhausting.

 

[Hashi]

It seemed to surface as my time spent dissociating decreased. I was in an almost constant state of detachment for years. After starting therapy that detachment decreased and anxiety and these OCD symptoms began. There are days they are very mild but there are days that it's exhausting.

This is so similar to my experience. When I was dissociated and detached, I used to do things like accidentally go out for the day leaving something cooking on the stove. When the detachment decreased for me, I started having to all but disconnect the power at the mains before I could leave the house.

It's getting better for me as I work on things generally. It's taken a lot of time. The mindfulness and non-judgement approach has helped me tolerate it, and as I work through the causes of anxiety in therapy the OCD symptoms are finally reducing.

 

[Abstract]

Hi 71,
I am glad Hashi answered for you!

This is what I think would be normal for many with PTSD:

I have a constant sense of imminent accident or death to me or one of my children.
No matter what I do, I have a sense that either myself or one of my children is about to either die or be in a serious accident.

And all of these sound very OCD to me:

I see things in my environment that become signs or premonitions of this occurring.

Then I panic and see that thought as a premonition that if I change the route I will have an accident.

I often see special days (birthdays, the last day before my oldest went to college, holidays, graduations, etc) as being a sign of impending danger.

.... then THAT becomes the sign.

... There are routines I can follow to lessen the fear ....but they become quite time consuming.

It sounds like you have automatically gravitated towards another way of coping as the dissociation has decreased.

Good luck with speaking about this with your T!

 

[Abstract]

. When I was dissociated and detached, I used to do things like accidentally go out for the day leaving something cooking on the stove. .

I am less dissociated than I was but this is still something I do! :rolleyes: No OCD for me.

 

[71nothing]

Feeling guilty and like a failure today because I'm letting this sense of imminent danger take over. I rarely let it change my plans but today I just had to.

Like so many schools in the nation, my kids' school had a threat of violence for today. I'm keeping my kids home because, of course, it's a sign for me that something is going to happen. I know it's not really rational. The school and the news have both reported the the student has been located, the threat was not real, and as a precaution they will have police presence at the school all day.

Generally in these situations I would just challenge myself to not let these feelings change my plans but today I just can't. There is the threat along with the fact that today is a day of significance (the last day of school before Christmas). Of course now I have to worry because changing my plans may result in something terrible happening at home. It's always a doubled edged sword.

 

[RecoveringGirl]

Absolutely and it makes it hard for me to enjoy life! I am constantly thinking about why what I'm doing at this minute matters in the long run. Which is totally ridiculous if you think about it- when I die will it matter that I had cheerios for breakfast today? I'm exaggerating, but you know. It makes it hard to get anywhere because you can't see the small steps that need to be taken to achieve bigger things.

Grounding exercises help (name 5 things you can see, then 5 you can touch, hear, smell) a little. So does exercise and being social. I try to distract myself also and mind my own thoughts if I can. Sometimes I feel it all just doesn't matter so have fun!

My understanding is that this is a relic emotion of dissociation as others have said in this thread. It's a common symptom of people with dissociative and borderline identity disorders, but feeling that way doesn't mean you have that. "Toxic Parents" was a book that I felt explained it really well and gave me some clarity on those frustrating thoughts.