Comfortably Numb

[Thinkingman85]

It's hard to accept because I always have the feeling that I can be so much more, I'm just missing "something" right now. When I find that thing or become that thing, I'll be back. In reality, I might just be damaged and I'm healing. Thanks for the insight.

 

[Lady Vet]

In reality, I might just be damaged and I'm healing.

My intent is not to tell you what to think or feel, but to share my response to what you shared...but I don't think you are damaged at all. Your brain may be damaged, but that's just your brain. I don't believe that our brain defines who we are.

It's funny how if we broke an arm or broke a leg, we would never give language to that as "I'm damaged." We would simply say, "My arm is broken," or "My leg is broken." And I now find myself very curious about why we humans give so much more status to one part of our body over another. Why can't we say, "My brain is broken" without that being generalized into meaning that we are then damaged and broken?

I am questioning myself, of course, because I have been feeling damaged and broken for far too long.

Anyway...I don't think YOU are damaged at all. Your brain may be damaged, but you are doing everything you can to heal the broken brain, so that alone is evidence that you are, in fact, not damaged at all! Just my honest opinion. But you are free to continue believing that you yourself are damaged if you need to. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Perhaps because unlike a leg our brains are the seat of our cognitions, emotions, memories, and ability to reason, find meaning, love, cope, dream and make sense of the world.

JMHO, far as defining what we value, or how or what it permeates.

 

[timid_flower]

It's funny how if we broke an arm or broke a leg, we would never give language to that as "I'm damaged." We would simply say, "My arm is broken," or "My leg is broken." And I now find myself very curious about why we humans give so much more status to one part of our body over another. Why can't we say, "My brain is broken" without that being generalized into meaning that we are then damaged and broken?

This is exactly what I was thinking! :)

In my therapy, I went through a very similar process as you Lady Vet. I had my doctor and therapist both tell me I couldn't delete my past and it's effects. Acceptance was the only way to move forward. Only after I accepted the person I am now, would I be able to make the best out of it. It's not easy, but I'm definitely trying.

 

[Thinkingman85]

It's good to look at it that way. Even if the brain is damaged, the soul is still there. That viewpoint makes me feel more confident. When you say that you are not your brain, I have some doubt because of the PTSD. Science describes the mind as a product of the brain. If certain parts of the brain are damaged, certain parts of the mind may malfunction. Or, in lamens terms, the person might say that he or she is hurt. When the brain is functioning properly, so will the mind (or the person).

Just throwing in some other knowledge :)...

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, you're a good soul thinkingman, and your brain is fine. :hug:

 

[Lady Vet]

Science describes the mind as a product of the brain.

Yes, there is definitely a connection, but even if the brain is so damaged that it can no longer serve as a conduit for the mind, I still do not believe that the essence of who I am has been damaged. My spirit, my soul, my mind remains untouched by the damage.

And for me, this statement isn't theoretical at all. I had a surgery in 2001, and as I was coming out of the anaesthesia, I had an experience that has forever changed the way that I think about my mind and my body. In my mind, I was absolutely clear as a bell in my thinking, as if I hadn't had any anaesthesia at all. But I couldn't move or even talk yet because it was my body, my brain that was drugged, not my mind. And the part of that experience that frightened me was that because I was so clear in my awareness, I was also very clear with how deeply exhausted I felt, and I did not want to fight the anaesthesia, I wanted to just lay there and succomb to it's poison. I chose to fight, and I'm glad that I did, but the point of that experience is that for me there is no doubt that my brain and its ability to function with "normal" neurophysiology has absolutely nothing to do with the clarity...or essential value...of my mind. Experience changes evrything. :)

 

[timid_flower]

Yes, you're a good soul thinkingman, and your brain is fine. :hug:

This is one of the reasons why after only a week here, I absolutely love this forum. The support is amazing :)

 

[Thinkingman85]

I see where you're coming from. It's still hard for me to accept. If someone was hit in the head and got severe brain damage and became severely mentally disabled, would he or she still be the same person as before the incident? I think there may be certain aspects of the mind that have to work properly and PTSD can hinder this. So, a soul doesn't have to be 100%, but to function normally it does.

 

[Lady Vet]

If someone was hit in the head and got severe brain damage and became severely mentally disabled, would he or she still be the same person as before the incident?

Yes, I agree with you. What clarified in this comment is that we are essentially talking about two different things. You are talking about functioning normally, so of course there is a change after trauma has cause micro-scarring. The normal functioning is damaged. But that's not what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is the essential value of the person, that the person's value and worth isn't damaged. It's not an issue of semantics for me. My brain may be damaged, but that doesn't mean that I am damaged, (damaged goods, as they say).

So a person may have a traumatic brain injury that absolutely damages normal brain function, and normal function on many physiological and psychological levels, but the core essence of the person isn't damaged. This is perhaps not helpful for you, so I will leave it with what has been said.

I guess the difference for me is that I no longer feel like I, myself, am damage goods. Having a brain that complicates my life and complicates my ability to function well does not mean that I no longer deserve to be loved and cared about. I don't feel on any level that I need to heal my brain before I deserve to be in a loving relationship. I absolutely need to be involved with someone who can love me and accept me as I am (to include the broken brain that complicates my ability to function well...lol), but my essential worth hasn't been damaged just because the trauma damaged my brain. That's all I'm saying. :)

 

[JustBe]

I've thought a lot about this for a very long time. Many years ago my son was quite ill. He was diagnosed (incorrectly) with schizophrenia and I was devastated. I learned all that I could about the illness and how to care for him at home, while I also searched for better doctors who could give us more hope.

Eventually we found a doctor who correctly diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. Even though his brain worked against his best interest and we had many years of heartache and struggle, he has healed.

He is now happily married, off of meds and disability and Managing an Auto Parts store.

He still has rough patches and occasionally needs his meds, but between he and his wife they have learned to keep his stresses down and to move forward to a very satisfying life.

I use to cry myself to sleep wondering how, if my son's brain was broken, he would ever have a good life.

Life is mysterious and we must never give up because we don't yet understand everything. Our job is to keep trying.

JMHO

 

[Lady Vet]

I use to cry myself to sleep wondering how, if my son's brain was broken, he would ever have a good life

Movin'On...your post made my heart cry. Such a heartbreaking journey that you and your son have lived. I'm so glad that you didn't let the misdiagnosis stop you from pursuing more helpful doctors and diagnosis.

And this story just goes to prove that even when something as fundamental as a brain gets "broken" somehow, there is always the possibilty of healing. And "broken" isn't the end of the story, but just one part of the whole journey. Thanks for sharing. :)