A Year Ago

[DharmaGirl]

A year ago today, I was working, 2 months into a PTSD diagnosis, suicidal, terrified, in constant pain from my back and 3 months into therapy.

Today I am not working, I am not always suicidal, I am scared, I am in constant pain but from a differnent back problem and another year into therapy. I am happy today. I am able to recognise that I am happy.

I do not always see things in black and white anymore. I can forgive some things. I can have compassion for others and sometimes for myself. I can leave the house every day if I really want to. I have an equal number of good and bad days, the rest are just meh.

I can love people.

I have come a long way. I am still hypervigilent, still have an exaggerated startle response and nightmares, I still dissociate but these are less than a year ago and I am present sometimes too. I can calm myself down some of the time.

This is a huge change for me and I am thankful for it. I feel like I am healing for the first time in my life. It will take some more time, but I promised myself at the beginning of therapy that I would not quit, and no matter how many times I say I will, I will not quit. I want more days like this.

 

[timid_flower]

This is a huge change for me and I am thankful for it. I feel like I am healing for the first time in my life.

Such a great feeling when we have a day where we realize that even though we're not completely ok, we have made some progress. I'm happy for you :)

Best wishes.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am very happy for you. It is inspiring to hear your story. It gives me hope. I am amazed at what you have accomplished by yourself. I want the good stuff for me too. You have lead by example. Just thrilled for you. Hugs.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thank you all, and Gizmo, I'm following you!

 

[maddog]

This was a beautifully honest, compelling, hope-filled post Monster, thank you for sharing your journey with us. I am so often afraid to look back and to compare in such a way, too consumed with the negatives and the losses and the deteriorations. But as you have demonstrated, it's about the balance - acknowledging the ongoing challenges and celebrating the steps forward, however small.

May you find courage and strength to take more of those small steps in the 12 months ahead - I know you will.

Maddog

 

[Britt.f7]

I feel like I am healing for the first time in my life

Monster this is so awe inspiring! I only hope to be where you are when I look back at my year. What a magnificent accomplishment. Just a testament to your strength! Keep up the wonderful work!

 

[Sailorgal]

I have come a long way.

Monster, this is sooo significant. If we measured our journey like climbing a mountain, we would be in awe when we see how high we climbed. It isn't the same from the side view. May you always see success from the top, and looking down only be a reminder of how high you really are. :)