What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Ayasha]

Tired, and a little bit anxious. Probably because I really want a nap but my father scared me from doing that years ago and the thought of trying to take a nap during the day makes me nervous.

 

[Kim500]

Taking all the hugs I can get right now. Thanks Guys/Gals.

***Hugs for you!!!***

that probably means I should go to ER. I don't want to.

Did you go to the ER? ((((((((((((((((((((monster)))))))))))))))))))

**Free hugs for anyone who needs/wants one!!**

How I'm feeling?? Really upset, I feel like I can't control myself from doing stupid things when I drink alcohol, which is basically from morning till night, with breaks in between. I'm self medicating so I'd don't freak out. I'm numbing out every day when I need to, and I only very rarely did that in the past. Maybe like once in months and months! I feel like :poop:. Not physically, I rarely get hangovers, thank God, just like such a loser since I am constantly emailing a guy who isn't emailing back and can't stop!! What's wrong with me!!??

In the past I would never, ever do something like that. My pride would stop me! lol But now I feel out of control. My self-care and control is slipping away. I don't like who I'm becoming. Is it who I am? Totally gave up eating in moderation, I eat whatever I d*mn well please, and a lot is junk food.

I can't even boil water any more to make pasta so everything is frozen and expensive. In debt up to my eyeballs. Barely fit in my clothes anymore. (Went up 2 sizes in about 6 months.) Self-care is below what it should be. So basically...I'm doing fabulous! :laugh: (Hysterical laughter!)

Things have changed so drastically in the last year! Who is this person???

 

[Changing4Best]

THE BLAHS. It's been raining all day, sometimes heavily and sometimes lightly. Earlier there was an intense windstorm, now that was exciting! It did not last long though, then the rest of the day I have been alone and bored.

 

[Changing4Best]

**Free hugs for anyone who needs/wants one!!**

Thanks! I needed that.

 

[Kim500]

Thanks! I needed that.

Here's some more then!!!! (((((Sheila)))))):hug:

Update and more information!

Every morning lately I wake up saying to God, "This is a joke, right?" "You've got to be kidding!" Things have been so different for me and getting worse for the past nine months that I have to say this to Him because it's really unbelievable to me that this is happening! Seriously though, if God asked me today, "Kim, Would you like Me to take away all your sufferings and make things for you the way they used to be?" I could honestly say "No." Not if this is part of His mysterious plan for my life. And it is or it wouldn't be happening because I want only His will in my life.

He is the One I trust, and the one I know has my eternal happiness in mind and knows how to get me there. I don't, so I rather have His will in my life than mine. I don't KNOW what is best for me or what will ultimately make me happy for all Eternity. My mind is a jumble of confusion, trauma, fears, desires(some good, some not) and human weakness. God sees CLEARLY and loves each of us as if we were the only one on Earth!

I remember that in Heaven it is from Jesus' WOUNDS that the glorious light shines forth! And that when I get there, it is my sufferings that I will be mostly grateful for having experienced while I was on Earth. That and the love I was able to give because He put it in me to give. Amen! God bless you all!!! :inlove:

 

[Britt.f7]

This morning was a bit of apprehension. Then panic when I was on the surgical table(seriously came close to jumping off). Through it all, though, I felt comforted and loved. My sister showed up after 5 A.M. to come with us. It was a surprise and she lives almost an hour away. I knew someone would keep my husband company while I was under the knife.

Though sore, I definitely, still feel loved and cared for. :happy:

 

[Changing4Best]

Here's some more then!!!! (((((Sheila)))))):hug:

Seriously though, if God asked me today, "Kim, Would you like Me to take away all your sufferings and make things for you the way they used to be?" I could honestly say "No." Not if this is part of His mysterious plan for my life. And it is or it wouldn't be happening because I want only His will in my life. :inlove:

Me too, though at times it is tough, the gifts He supplies along the way, and His precious LOVE are enough. I too know that His will is what I ultimately want and that only He knows what is best for me. The choices I've made when I know He wanted me to do otherwise, have landed me in the MOST trouble. One of those choices, made some 10 yrs ago, effected my whole life, not a leaf left unturned, if you know what I mean. If only I had listened...

And yet! He knew how messed up my life would become and He fixed it all to His way of seeing things anyway. And here I sit, totally amazed....

 

[Kim500]

Though sore, I definitely, still feel loved and cared for. :happy:

Britt!!! I didn't realize you were having surgery today!!! I'm so glad you are back home and feeling well, although sore!!! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Britt!!!))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))):hug:

And yet! He knew how messed up my life would become and He fixed it all to His way of seeing things anyway. And here I sit, totally amazed....

I loved your post Sheila!!! Yes, He is amazing!!!:inlove:I would swoon if that was still in fashion!:joyful: But yes, as you said, it is hard! But oh so worth it if we stick with Him!!!

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." -Julian of Norwich

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you Kim...I thank you for the hugs which I am sure are careful and gentle to me right now. Many smiles! :)

 

[Kim500]

The hugs are super careful and gentle!:hug: *Brings you a new warm & fuzzy blanket and a cup of hot cocoa in a pretty little cup and saucer!*

 

[Britt.f7]

I like little cup and saucers and, of course fuzzy warm blankets, with hugs none the less. Yes, I'm definitely well cared for! Thanks Kim!:D

 

[Kim500]

Feelings update! Gosh, it's like a pendulum, back and forth between extremes!:confused:

Right now I'm deliberately numb and spacey. Too much pain. (I could giggle pathologically but I won't!) :D That made me laugh!:roflmao:
I have a big decision to make. (Any ideas, input or advice here would be very, very much appreciated!)
I'm thinking of throwing my computer in the trash. I say trash and not sell or give away because there are always traces on the hard drive of where you've been on the internet, and lets just say I don't want that.:stop:

I wrote a list and I do 5 good things on my computer, and 6 bad ones. I'm thinking that I should trash it because I don't need the bad things in my life, it surely doesn't help me to heal and be healthy and respect myself.

The biggest reason I want to trash my computer isn't even one of the above things. The main reason is that I'm very afraid of saying something mean to someone online. For many, many years I have been able to control my tongue in almost any situation. Thinking before I spoke, and speaking kindly or saying nothing at all if I didn't have something nice to say.

But now I feel like I'm losing my control and it's scaring me. I'm afraid what will come out of my mouth(keyboard.) I already started to say what I really felt to someone I emailed and let's just say that the word 'hate' was in the email. There is true love in my heart, and it comes out a lot on here, but in my twisted mind there is also a LOT of hate. I don't know what to do. I'm not used to being like this. I don't trust myself anymore.