Changing

[Thinkingman85]

As I continue to feel better, I feel like I am changing. I feel uncomfortable with this feeling because I am not holding on to certain behaviors. I have been holding on to pain for six years. I feel like I am not holding on to the pain as much, but I don't know if I am getting better by doing this. Sometimes, I feel like holding on to the pain is a good thing and I will keep my footing. This is a very hard experience that I'm going through. I wish that I was sure that I am getting better and not attempting to change myself for no reason. I don't know what to make of this feeling. I had these feelings six years ago, but they feel so out of touch with me. I feel like I am reconnecting to part of my past that I lost. I'm happy and doubtful at the same time. This is a very difficult thing that I'm dealing with.

 

[Sailorgal]

I feel like I am reconnecting to part of my past that I lost.

Sounds like you're coming to terms with some things inside of you. That's a good thing. I hope you will continue to allow yourself to just "feel" whatever starts to come your way. You will continue to ride the waves of emotions, feel good one minute and hopeless the next. All part of healing but at least you can start to recognize it.

Remember that good feeling....hold onto it. ;)

 

[KatB]

I agree with Sailorgirl.

I think I know what you are going through with this. I feel that for the first time, I am looking inwards but I am way too harsh on myself. Learning to undo behaviors and thoughts will be a journey. So far, I've learned that I can make the right decisions without approval or need to know from my parents. Still, a long way but I get it, 100%.

Years of trauma, maybe since teenage, reached to the point where I have no other choice but to face the music.