Lonely For Christmas

[droppingrain]

Will be in the chat for the next ten hours or so. =) It's afternoon here.

 

[droppingrain]

Sorry guys my internet decided to not work. Best Wishes Still!

 

[WesternSky]

If you're still lonely, you're welcome to drop by the Christmas chat I created. I'm drawing Christmas dragons for anyone, to spread a little cheer. (watching How to Train Your Dragon today).

 

[ms spock]

*waves*

I am in chat now if you are about droppingrain...

 

[droppingrain]

Holidays are over but I feel horrible. All day at work I had suicidal ideation and was taking scissors to my wrists(which I had the tools to mend it later on-I work at a hospital). My klonopin isn't calming me down like it used to(or it takes an obscene amount and I just end up sleeping). As some of you know all the psychiatrists and therapists are closed due to holidays. It's so frustrating I need to talk to someone about getting this under control. I'm self medicating with dxm today to keep me from suicidal ideation. Going to watch a ton of kid shows to keep my mood positive as possible.

The therapist I want to start seeing said they need to contact my psychiatrist first to see if I'm a good fit? I was like what the heck, they might reject me? I'm starting to begin to believe I have borderline personality disorder along with the ptsd, I have a TON of the symptoms.

I've never known about bpd being possibly me, until I looked up SI. Then I was like "woah this is a new beast I've never known how to deal with."

Anyone with bpd got any advice? I left my psychiatrist a message like, "I think I have borderline personality disorder as well as the ptsd". No call back yet, I'm sure she will after hours(at the office). I feel so alone like no one understands, the one friend I do have with trauma in her life agrees that I probably have bpd.

I'm scared. I just got to stay optimistic another couple days, however I can, and hope I don't get rejected by this therapist. Maybe I'm too much to be helped. :*(

 

[nimkekaa]

Maybe I'm too much to be helped.

I have felt that way before.

I have startled therapists with my story and it left me feeling like I am so way out there that maybe there is nobody who can help me. But I am definately well on my way to healing now. Sometimes it takes time to find the right person/professional that can help you but your worth the effort. Keep trying.

You can get better. Hug for you if you need them.

 

[droppingrain]

I need a miracle pill to make things better.

 

[nimkekaa]

If you find one then let me know where to get them. :p

 

[dms]

I tend to be always surrounded by people but still feel a very deep loneliness. This is something I have not been able to shake. I've even reached out to a couple of friends and we do things together but the loneliness is still there. I think it stems from the iron exterior I wear not allowing others to know I am anything but perfectly fine.

I have family but I feel lonely quite often too....I rent or go to the movies or overspend to fill the void...

 

[NarcSis]

Yeah, I have this pervasive sense of loneliness despite being married. I really have no close friends, I tend to miss being around people and yet, am uncomfortable around people now; its a bit of a Catch 22.

Just don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore.

 

[ms spock]

Maybe I'm too much to be helped. :*(

I feel like this too, somedays.

 

[MouseWedger]

Dropping, my husband has BPD and is an alcoholic. I will tell you I can imagine what you are going through right now and I am begging you to hold on. If this is indeed the issue, you will be in for a bumpy ride but if you can find a good T who will work with you things will smooth out for you. Be honest with them, no matter how hard it may seem. Don't hide things from them no matter how small. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can message me if you need anything - I will try to help as much as I can.