General Days Are Calm, Yet The Nights Can Be Horrendous

[amethist]

Thats is exactly what it is like at the moment.

Hubby is tired but mostly calm through the day, and sleeps soundly when he feels the need to sleep, but the nights, well they can be the complete opposite.

He usually goes to bed any time after 9 pm, but it is getting to the point where he does not want to go to bed without me.

If he is not asleep when I go up, he usually settles when I do, but only for a few hours. He then stats twitching and moaning in his sleep, then shouting out, sometimes so clear I can understand everything he shouts.

If he is asleep when I go up, he can start with all the above after about an hour.

I now wake him up and help him to calm down, but sometimes I have to get up with him as he is so unsettled from it all.

I do use essential oils to help him settle but they dont work all night, and he wont take any more medication than what he is already taking.

 

[PeekieBlue]

My man suffers the same however his nightmares seem to have eased up a bit since starting emdr therapy on a weekly basis.

 

[amethist]

He is waiting for more therapy PeekieBlue, he is on a waiting list for a waiting list.

We were told mid January for his first assessment, but I wont hold my breath.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sad you are going through this. It must leave you exhausted. You are an amazing lady and I trust that you will find a solution while you wait for his appointment. You are an amazing supporter. I am sure you will figure out something. You are so good at coming up with things that work.

Just do not forget to take good care of yourself. I am so sorry you are both going through this problem. Hugs and prayers if that is ok.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Amethist and H))), firstly, sorry for butting in on a supporters thread.

I am similar to your H although I am improving. I know everyone is different and that you are a wonderful support as my H is. However, often I am best left alone with only the dogs for company when I go through this. My darling H sleeps in the next room (mutual choice).

Maybe what I am trying to say is that we need to fight our demons ourselves. I don't know and please don't take offense.

 

[PeekieBlue]

Hi Amethist
I sincerely hope your H gets the therapy he needs and deserves very soon. It really is nit good enough to have to wait such a long time for much needed help but that's the world we live in unfortunately,with high demand and financial constraints. I don't know your H,s background and where you are based but if it's combat related and you are in the uk then apparently ex veterans, depending in severity of ptsd, should be moved up the waiting list as in the case of my partner. I wish you the best of luck with the therapy which will happen eventually. Hang in there and take care of yourself in the meantime.

 

[Sailorgal]

he is on a waiting list for a waiting list.

Oh dear, that's just two steps too many! I hope PeekieBlue is right and he gets some priority!

I'm so sorry that what should be "rest" is draining physically and emotionally. Rest is our bodies time to heal. When he has these nightmares, is he still completely asleep or will it wake him up?

I know this isn't a remedy, but is there anything else that may help to reduce possible events like cutting back caffeine or maybe sleeping a bit later and really wear himself to bed? Yoga or just some breathing/stretching exercises to relax him even more?

Or maybe you will just have to sleep elsewhere until he can get treatment. As long as he is not hurting himself or anyone else, you can wear earplugs and get the rest you need? It's hard enough with one suffering, but two?

A cup of chamomile for the both of you. :hug: Hugs to you dear Amethist!

 

[PeekieBlue]

I confess that I wear ear plugs so I can get a decent sleep. Works most of the time but sometimes nightmares are that bad they penetrate through the foam stuck in my ears lol. I always wake my man up when he us having a nightmare. I asked him if this was the best thing to do and he said yes but I am going to ask his psychiatrist as surely by dreaming it us trying to process the trauma? (my man is,at his EMDR session to try to processing traumas as we speak). I Will post on here the answer I get. Has anyone here heard of mindfulness? Google it and tell me what you think and if it may be useful to you and your partners. I recently bought a book and CD with it for my man and I to both start practising the meditation. It is used widely in the UK now for all types of mental health problems as well as generally reducing stress and anxiety in any persons life. Its Buddhist based but NOT A RELIGION.

 

[amethist]

if it's combat related

Its not combat related so, we have less of a chance of getting help quicker.

One thing hubby does do, is leave me to sleep if he can manage himself. It if its bad and he is jumping and shouting in his sleep that I wake, then wake him.

We cope well with everything, we stick together and we battle what ever is thrown at us together. We have had to do this from the beginning, and so far so good.

He trusts me to get it right, and I trust him to do what he should.

 

[PeekieBlue]

Sounds like you are a good team which is lovely to hear. PTSD can be trying for both in the relationship but its lovely to hear how you are sticking together whilst battling this illness. You sound like a very strong lady. Have you thought about ever setting up a support group where partners can actually get together? I'm in south UK and have looked long and hard for such a thing but had no joy. It would be so nice to actually get together with other PTSD supporters.

 

[amethist]

Have you thought about ever setting up a support group where partners can actually get together?

I have and I am in touch with a lady who works for a carers office where I volunteer, but its hard to get them to admit they need support.

Now the new year is here, we are hoping to try it on a different tack.

 

[Sailorgal]

Too bad they don't make sound proof helmets!!

Awww Amethist, I hope he slept better tonight. Is there a pattern with the nightmares, like a specific event or theme? Or are they random? Anything he watch or read about earlier in the day maybe stir something up since our brain processes all our thoughts when we sleep? Sometimes something doesn't have to be triggering to affect us. Just a thought.