I'm Falling Deeper

[ddgrgrl]

I am falling deeper in the hole and I can't make anyone understand I'm not making it happen.

I can't eat so everyone thinks I'm starving myself on purpose. I can't sleep because of the nightmares and I'm told I'm making it happen.

I don't know what to do to make everyone understand I'm locked in a box and can't get out.

 

[nimkekaa]

I'm sorry that you are being blamed for things that you feel are out of your control. Sometimes people just don't understand what other people are going through.

 

[ddgrgrl]

Thank you for answering.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I'm sorry - I know how frustrating it can be when your trying to get people to notice how badly your hurting and they just can't see. It's like your screaming at the top of your lungs but no one hears you :(.Is there a particular person who's doing this? For me, it feels like my employer just doesn't care. I keep giving them more information to help to establish that I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth - but its like they shrug their shoulders and say "so?". It's never enough. Sometimes it makes me feel like it pushes me further along in my SI because it feels the only way to get some form validation.

It's horrible that people are not being responsive to your needs. It sucks.

I hear you though.

 

[ddgrgrl]

They try I know they do but they don't understand so it gets all messed up for them. I just can't make them see I'm not doing this on purpose that it's happening to me. I know they love me and care about me they just don't get where i am. It's like a never ending cycle of depression and nightmares. I try to explain that to them and i know deep down they try to understand but it's just not getting through..

You know how it is. Unless you live it it's hard to understand and feel.. I just want them to know I'm not starving myself on purpose and I'm not making the bad men come into my room at night. That it just happens and no matter what I do or say I can't stop it

 

[quaintpapercut]

Who are you trying to get to understand? If its friends or family - its as you said. Unless they have lived through it, it's going to be tough for them to get. To many people have the old mentality of just pulling up your bootstraps and slapping on a grin to work through issues. Are you able to speak to your family doctor?

 

[ddgrgrl]

It is family that I live with.. And I have a therapist tomorrow we start prolong exposure therapy. So I'm trying to get better and they know it. It's just making them understand..

 

[Phenioxrising]

dd...Try and get a good text book that explains PTSD and the resulting depression. You might even want to consider asking your T, if you can schedual a family therapy session.

The way I explain PTSD to anyone who is interested in knowing is... When coming upon a reminder, from anyone of the five senses, it triggers a past event from your past.

The extent of the trauma, caused our brains to temporarily shut down, and our bodies held in those emotions, as well as the memory of the trauma becoming fragmented. When exposed to a trigger, and in a safer place, we experience the same emotions from that event, in the present. We can either ground to stop the experience, or ride them through.

Hope this can help you.

As for the nightmares...try deciphering the meaning
Most of my nightmares involve being chased...as was the case from my childhood traumas.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You cannot make anyone understand. It is sad but true. I tried to help people to understand me and it only made it worse. I do not try to make anyone understand now. You need some safe people in your life who will understand you and you get your needs to be understood by the safe people.

Here on the forum is alot of safe people who will understand you. You will have to get the understanding here.

I understand that you are doing the best you can with what you are dealing with. I understand that you are going through a rough patch right now.

You are getting help from your therapist and are to be commended. You are doing something about what is going on. Good for you.

I am sorry you your family does not understand but that often happens and it is a hard situation to face and deal with. You need strong boundries with your family to protect you. I am wishing you the best, Hugs.

 

[ddgrgrl]

Phenioxrising and Gizmo thank you so much. Since discovering this site I have learned that what I feel is not weird or different and that I am not alone. Like I said I know they love me and want to understand they just can't wrap their heads around it. So I will come here when things are bad and I am lost..

 

[Phenioxrising]

I know other PTSD people, and they describe the feeling of a triggering episode the same...

It feels like a sheild over your mind, where it makes you hyper-focused on your enviornment, and anything that moves. While you feel like your encapsulated in your emotions.

Think of yourself as Bella from Twillight..lol. Something that is suposed to protect you, but gives us our sense of impending doom.

 

[ddgrgrl]

That's a great description and fits perfectly.. I will try to put it to them that way.