Poll If You Repressed/suppressed Your Trauma, What Triggered Your Memories To Return?

[MagiLisu]

My main trigger is school children, big groups of them. Just thinking about it causes feelings of dread.

Also seeing bullying, or somebody intimidating someone else, I instantly become the person being intimidated.

 

[safenow]

I actually completely get what you mean by "I don't have flashbacks".

I think I was referring to that particular episode. When I visit other people's diary I don't get flashbacks, but I do get memories. A flashback is when you actually go back to that age (which I do anyway being multi) but you are literally back in that event. The smells, sounds, tastes, bodily sensations, seeing what is going on bombard you.

I do hope you will be able to process, with a good therapist, all that you've experienced, so you don't have those horrible emotional flashbacks or that terrible anxiety any longer.

Thank you for your comments, and sharing your experiences. I know that's not always easy to do, so I appreciate it.

 

[safenow]

I wondered if you have any tips on how to get speaking. Thanks.

I do, but it's going to take me little bit to write them down. I have to figure out to say it in human. I hope that makes sense. I'm not quite awake yet.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was getting very angry at my baby son, and I knew something was very wrong with me. I had been learning about what it meant to be a victim, so I got myself in therapy. My husband was very supportive.I was in therapy for so many years, but I had bad therapists.

Things turned around for me when I got to do emdr. That made all the difference in the world for me.

I do not have the many symptoms I had back when I first started therapy.

 

[safenow]

That made all the difference in the world for me.

I am so happy for you. I know for me, having a good therapist made all the difference in the world. It's not nearly as hard any longer.

I wish they had that EMDR back when I was first diagnosed.

 

[Abstract]

I have to figure out to say it in human.

Yes I understand Safenow. And also please don't pressure or trigger yourself. No rush either.

 

[shoulderblades]

A flashback is when you actually go back to that age (which I do anyway being multi) but you are literally back in that event. The smells, sounds, tastes, bodily sensations, seeing what is going on bombard you.

I experience this, sometimes mildly, sometimes extremely intensely. Lately, it's been extremely intensely, and frequently, but I've a feeling that's because I'm actually talking about things for the first time... well, ever. The memories are there on top of it - which, again, have only recently surfaced after being repressed for years. It's very draining and often leaves me feeling distraught, exhausted and useless.

 

[safenow]

I wondered if you have any tips on how to get speaking

I have prayed that I may say these things in a way they make sense to you and others. I hope it helps.

1) You must be in a safe environment. A place where you have no fear that someone is going to walk in and interrupt what your talking about. Bringing up the past is very sensitive work.

2) you must be around people you feel safe with. You must trust them to not mock or say negative things about your truths. It is difficult enough because we tend to get paranoid talking about our past. Fearing that people will judge us incorrectly. Blame us for things that we had no control over. That sort of thing.

3) You must ground your self between each trigger. Because as you open up, you are opening triggers for yourself. And the mind wants to protect you from all triggers. But the only way to be free of the past is to talk about things. So you must allow that to happen if you ever plan on speaking.

As an example, when a person separates from someone they love, suddenly every song on the radio is their song. Every place you drive by is a place you two had dinner or walked in the park, whatever. I hope that makes sense to you.

It's the same way when you start to open up and talk about such highly personal stuff. For example: yesterday, I started my day with a trigger of a trauma. a minute before the time of a rape. 5:54am. I had seen the clock behind that guys body, and it was 5:55am. Now, I must be careful when I see that time, as it brings up a memory of that morning back then. I end up having nightmares, and that is not good.

Rather than grounding myself, I moved right over it. Don't do that. Because it leaves you vulnerable all day. Once you ground it, it's gone. I hope this makes sense to you.

Two triggers that you must ground quickly are sight and touch. So, the way I ground myself is, I keep a little teddy bear that Michael sent Abby and a tiny bell he sent Mandi next to my monitor. I look at them, then I touch them before I move on to the next thing. The bell reminds us to pray. Which in turn reminds us of Michael, God, Miss Ingram, The outdoors, and Canada. LOL. Pretty good for such tiny things, eh?

4) When you are in a public place and speaking out-loud, it's not the sight or touch, it's the sound, So you need to ground on that. I use music. I play the hymns and have instant comfort from the words of the hymns. Other music might be your grounding tool for sound. A very wise man once told me "When thoughts come that ought not to be there, think about the beautiful, sacred hymns and allow them to take place in your mind..." It really works for me. 1986 was a very good year for me. I learned so much that year.

When I speak of guns, I snap my fingers, and that sound releases and grounds that trigger. I no longer have the fear of being shot.

I recommend you make a list of your triggers. If you don't know how to do that, ask your therapist to help you. Once you know what they are, you can find a way to ground each one. That way when they open, you can close them immediately.Don't just pass over them, ground them. When you dismiss them, they don't really leave. They just sit there in the back of your memory to come out another day.

I promise you that if you do these things, you will be able to move on forward, and find much peace and happiness with less memories of bad things. In our life, I've found that new trauma may come up, and when they do, they will bring back past memories, but you can shut them down from stopping you in your tracks so you can resolve whatever that issue is. and when you do, each time you open up more and more. You go longer and longer between each incident.

Abstract, if this didn't answer your question, let me know, and I'll share details with you.I want to thank you for asking that question. It helped me to process yesterday, and allowed me to bring back my teddy bear and bell to my close sight. When we were cleaning the other day, we moved them to the window sill, next to Micheal's picture. LOL

 

[71nothing]

25 years later I was thrown into a survival mode by a natural disaster with my five children. During that time I also ran into the abuser who had returned to town to assist his mother with the disaster. Between those two things it was all suddenly rushing back.

 

[safenow]

25 years later I was thrown into a survival mode by a natural disaster with my five children

I'm really sorry to hear that. More truama is good at throwing all of us for a loop. I hope your children are all right.

 

[Changing4Best]

A flashback is when you actually go back to that age, but you are literally back in that event. The smells, sounds, tastes, bodily sensations, seeing what is going on bombard you.

The cult I belonged to for all those years had a process where they would have you do just this, smells and all, and they claimed they were trying to help you!

The first time I hit one of my REAL traumas, of being molested as a baby, I ran from the cult with every bit of strength to pull away that I had. I found every excuse... but then the trauma kept coming back to my mind, and more and more of it. It has been years, but I still am uncovering more and more of it all, as it went on for years. Then too, there is my adult trauma, a whole 'nuther ballgame!

 

[safenow]

there is my adult trauma, a whole 'nuther ballgame!

For me, I was able to handle the adult trauma and process it much faster than I've been able to do the childhood stuff. I am just now able to talk about the childhood stuff. Never before have I been able to talk about specifics, so I feel good about that. It's nice be in a place where you are not put down for telling truth. Very refreshing.

As a child, they never told me why they did what they did. They just did it, and we've always been afraid of the retribution when we tried to talk. They made sure we knew exactly what to expect, and they followed through on those threats. But that was then, and this is now. And I'm not afraid any longer.