What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[shoulderblades]

Feeling listless and in a kind of fog. Feeling defeated. Finding it hard to smile and laugh. Meh.

 

[ms spock]

Feeling Lonely a bit today. Had a weep about not having a family. Had a weep about not feeling connected to other people. I have been too dissociated to have friends. I have been rescuing so much I missed out on having friends. Feel unnoticed.

 

[ms spock]

Had fun riding unicorns in our chat room. Laughed at our great tennis game.

 

[Philippa]

I can so relate to how you were feeling about having no friends and missing having a family Ms Spock. I've been feeling a bit the same lately myself, and like I'm just pretty sad. I started out not wanting friends though, at one stage. Then I went through hell and realized how much I needed them...but they weren't there. It takes a while to make real friends...sometimes years, and it can get lonely, but I try to remember that being alone doesn't necessarily equate with being lonely. We are never really alone. Inanimate objects are all around us and they all have their own secret life, and vibration.

I made it through the day, and was grateful to have had the first 6 hours without a single client, so I could actually sleep more. I felt much better after that, and was able to get through the whole 12 hour shift feeling much better than when I first got up.

Now I'm feeling a bit tired, and almost ready for bed.

 

[Pencil]

Feeling Lonely a bit today. Had a weep about not having a family. Havd a weep about not feeling connected to other people. Feel unnoticed.

I relate. And when I am noticed I am soon worn out by the demands.

 

[ms spock]

Being present is a big demand after being invisible and not noticed for so long Pencil.

 

[Philippa]

I agree ms spock. I realized during the first module of my art therapy course that I really want to be seen again. I got very angry when a woman wouldn't look at me, during one of the processes we did. I surprised myself at how angry I got.

Being seen, heard and appreciated seem to be some basic needs that humans have.

I'm feeling unsure, like I don't think I can take anymore of being without a family. I have a new family of friends, and they are wonderful, but I don't see them all the time, and I feel bad for not calling my brother on his birthday, and feel like I am hated now. I feel like I CAN'T go back now...that I've past the point of no return, and it's very scary.

I'm doubting myself and wondering if I really am as petty as they all think, and pathetic? I don't think I am, and I know they have minimalized everything for years, and distorted the truth, twisted it around to make me out to be the bad guy...but a part of me also wonders if I am not being forgiving enough or if I give up on people too easily and am going against my nature by being this terrible? It definitely doesn't feel natural.

It feels strained and nasty, and horrible, like I'm really terrible for doing this, and even though I am feeling happier for not having assholes around me anymore, I wonder if I can really go my whole life feeling this bad for doing it, and if those feelings will ever go away, or if I will always feel terrible for what I've done? I don't know if I can carry those feelings for my whole life?

I'm also excited and also a bit uncertain about my decision to pay a very talented artist and tattooist to give me an original tattoo of his own design on thursday. I'm curious to know how it will turn out...

 

[Addy]

I feel: tired, disconnected, struggling, but resilient at the same time.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Right now, I'm feeling very relieved that it's morning. I think I was awake all night. I felt afraid. Not worried or unhappy or uncertain about the future, but the rapid-heart-rate, holding-my-breath, tense muscles kind of afraid.

I don't know exactly what I was afraid of, but it was worse with my phone on the table nexr to my bed, so it must have to do with this forum. I tried moving my phone but that didn't really help. Even though I recognized that the reason was that I had been stirring up stuff by writing on here, I still seemed to be afraid of the phone itself!

It was really weird. And telling myself that I must be transferring my fear to a tangible, physical object didn't work even though I'm sure that was true.

 

[KP the nut]

I feel very excited. I bought a car, it is like this one, same colour and style. I will collect it on Thursday or Friday.

 

[pumpkinpie]

Wow that's a nice lil car! I like the color too...

 

[zaniara]

I feel worthless. Stupid. Like a failure. Struggling hard to stand on my feet and so stressed out I'm fighting the bad impulses. Panic.